Lifer

A>N

Fella good to have you back!!

the penny dropped this morning whilst walking the hound circa 6am Lol ran home to inform my beloved whom you know plays a huge part in my recovery.

My friend I doff my most battered hat in your direction and join you in a chorus of

"I AM LIVING"

Thankyou

Inspired.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you for the post

I think I will be reading your diary a lot your last post nearly brought me to tears. I had my wake up call losing my dad suddenly last year I realised just how precious and delicate life is and what is and isnt important, it never was or ever will be gambling.

I AM LIVING too, finally for a very long time and if i have to battle every day to beat this thing and push myself to experience what i have been missing out on for so long then thats what i will do.

Massive respect to you admiting to your work collegues about your addiction, i have found that the more people i tell the less power the addiction has over me..... No more dirty secrets.

As i said yesterday welcome back i can see you are going to be a valuable member to this great site once more.

Blondie x

Hiya AN

(lol on blonde banana...ya loon)

...Wow!...I am speechless...

What a few months you have had and its absolutely fantastic to see you on here again.

Your posts seem like a different you somehow ...in a different way but a good way... : )

Its quite interesting that on a metaphysical level..the blood flow represents the joy of life...a heart attack can be seen as blocking the joy of life ... and I think that your body has told you that its time to live.....

Im am a great believer that if we ignore the hints then our bodies send a big message.

If i remember you are in your late 30's which is young but in another way you have youth on your side to recover and a whole lot of life to be lived...

One life....live it ....

unconditional...

R and D xxx

ps. the number 13 was actually a very powerful positive number ...not the harbringer of doom .; )

Think your HP intervened hun..xx

Doh!!!

http://youtu.be/iefackV4DoM

Proving I have a good sense of humour. Enjoy the song people. 🙂 Still smiling. A>N other.

Yo,

To be honest with you I am not into astrology or anything that you can not see , except I suppose fate .

My stars are in the paper ,so read them when I am in the shop . What would you be I haven't got a clue.

I am an extremely conservative person, defo a bit of a prude , at work they see me as a problem solver ideas person.

So hobbies I read ,I only read thrillers , can read a book in a day or two. Like my own company.

My vice some not all but some reality shows xfactor, BGT , strictly , yep love um. Big brother , Jermy Kyle ect hate with a passion almost as much as I hate the soaps . Bet you thought I was a corry girl . But nope not me .

what a boring person I am 🙂

Shiny xxxxxxxxx

Hello A>N,

You may remember me, you may not, but we used to post on each others diaries back in the early days of our respective recoveries.

I gave up on my RD a long time ago - as much as 6 or 7 months back I guess. I was sat in my office when a colleague walked in and I was worried my secret would be out so I requested its immediate removal. The truth is, in life I'm an extremely private person, so it was probably the excuse I'd been waiting for.

So, since that day, I've spent my time on this site reading the same 7 or 8 diaries regular away, without making any contributions of my own. That's selfish I know, but it's a system that's worked perfectly well in my own recovery so I've persisted with it; watching from the outside, a reflection of my life away from Gamcare if you like.

Yours was always one of the first diaries I looked into so I was sad, but not surprised, to see you disappear from this forum for a time. I'm not sure but, right then, it appeared to me than you needed something above what Gamcare had to offer. Time to reflect and reassess, maybe. I always had a sneaking suspicion that one day you'd return, however. And I must say I'm so glad you have, even if it is under a different guise. It seems you have found a new vigour for life too, I guess that's one of the kickbacks from suffering a heart attack, huh? I hope all is well on that front and your health is now on the up.

Life has been pretty eventful for me too, in a good way it has to be said, but this is your diary and I wont hijack it like that. Though I will add, for what it's worth, that today is day 308 in my recovery.

Good luck, A>N. All the best in your recovery, and life in general. I look forward to reading your diary once more, if only from afar 🙂 Take care.

James

Good morning ,

Just a quick one , to say hope your feeling ok today .

Are you back at work full time?

Or are you in a position to be able to get out and whack a few balls?

Was thinking yesterday how much happier you sound in yourself , and remembering how you and I would have days or weeks when the dark clouds descended over us , making everything in our lives such a struggle .

It's been months since that's happened to me , I think that cause I have finally accepted who and what I am. No longer fighting against it , wonder if you think you are getting to the same place .

Gosh sossssssss that was longer than I intended.

Catch you laters

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxx

Hello everyone who is reading,

Woke with unexplained very painful shoulder this morning. Previously would have drove myself round the twist stressing about what was causing it. Not these days, the new me doesn't do that. What's on for me today? Gonna go and see my very elderly disabled friend shortly. Take him some lunch and bits and bobs, do a little light housework and have a good old yarn for an hour. Have a counselling appointment later this afternoon where I will start hypno. You know I just can't leave things where they are, I always have to go that extra mile. Then the weekly shopping trip, dread! Settle down and watch a little Paralympics this evening. These people are so brave and courageous they really put my small life into perspective for me.

James, of course I remember you, how could I forget. It was great to hear from you. So pleased for you and almost a year. Great stuff. I feel you were another person who I made an instant connection with. You read me like a book. I understand the identity issue totally that is why I will never use GA. Stay in touch my friend.

As for you Shiny the answer is yes. You can go on as long as you want on my diary. feel free to post me an essay any time. 🙂

A>N.

Hi AN,

Thanks for posting on my diary, great tune those 60s classics. Actually on day 100 I will have a little music celebration which is inspired by you as I remember you did the same thing.

I wont regard this as the end, just one more step along the road.

You have come through so much in the past year and I was shocked to hear about your heart, I knew that you weren't well but that must have knocked you back quite a bit. I can also see the difference in your posts now and i think others have noted it too. Acceptance seems to form the backbone of your messages now and you really give the impression that although life may not be perfect you are going to give yourself a chance to progress, sometimes this is impossible because of the weight we carry on our shoulders, you have removed some of this and are taking those great strides forward.

Enjoy the paralympics and if you are into the basketball check out the GB semi at 21.00. Should be cracker.

Here is to enjoying sport for what it really is not what those vile establishments want it to be.

Stay safe and strong,

Paulds

Yo , Nice lunch lol

So my first question is do you have a kindle or iPad.

If you do and have not read any of the Stephen Leather books , you should give them I try .

The first book in the series in available to download on Amazon for 49 P , kep really .

There are now nine in books in total. Great stuff .

Maybe we could start the first ever gamcare book club.lol

Tv been watching Revenge , series on Channel 4 , but as its on it's 14 th episode , you may have missed the boat .

Anyways no doubt we will catch up laters.

Today's buzz word seems to be acceptance , tomorrow empowerment . Then we will see who wears the trousers in your house lol

Shiny xxxxx

Hey AN

Sounds like you have a busy day today.....all ending in a bit of telly and a relax...

Definately changed person I can see.....i have no idea why I pitched you younger lol..but thats a good thing and was I right with white rose county?

I can see the old banter is back with the slinky seductress...lol....its funny and you know there a lot worse things we could be doing other than having a bit of cyber banter,.....

I know sometimes I read peoples posts who think some of us go "off topic" but the banter keeps us logging on and seeing what we are all up to....

Who needs soaps?????

ps..where is my holiday swag you promised....lol

R and D xx

Yo,

Thinking look into my eyes.......

Trust in me .........

Ring a bell , answers on a post card ......lol

Shiny xxxxxx

( that was of course that hypno meant hypnotherapy , if not this message will self distuct in 10 sec)

hi there

carl

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the lovely posts, very touching. I feel great that my spirit has uplifted people. Nobody commented on my "heart attack" you tube video by the band Faker, albeit I am no faker. My SOH must be pretty sick, at least I thought it was funny. Disappointed!

Anyway, a busy day. My friends' cat of 12 years had to be put down. He loved that cat, only true and loyal friend apart from me the poor old man has, so lunch didn't happen. Had my counselling session, the hypno was a non starter too. We just had so much to talk about, we will do it next week. A hour is not enough. I could talk for England lately, spent so long in my bubble previously. It was a valuable session all the same. I don't come out of them twisted and bitter any more, I feel empowered(shiny!).

Watched my Paralympics, Hannah, the Weirwolf and Jonnie, 3 golds for GB amazing! Makes me proud, I can shed a tear these days too whilst smiling.

Anyway time for some reposts to my lovely friends now.

Laters Diary,

A>N(other)