Lifer

A.N

fella you can rant on upon my diary whenever takes your fancy, as long as it serves your recovery well my friend as that is what counts, is it not? I enjoy the humour you bring to the forum,I enjoy the same from a couple of fellas in my GA. If my memory serves me well the esteemed Smiler told me upon my arrival on this forum Enjoy recovery!! for me it works and for you I see the same, yes we are addicts fellas with a compulsion but we are here addressing it and for me I enjoy this feeeling far greater today than the days when at best I could myself look forward to the walk of shame.

duncs stepping forward never back.

shabba....Mr Loverman ..Shabba

Hey there AN

Yep your namesakee initial doing the bizz for me today..

Not so much cryptic but my HP works in weird ways...i can be singing a song all day and not bee concious of thee lyricss and the words can be exactly what I need to hear and take note of hence repeating the song over and over..

I often wake up singing a song for no reason and today it was FEAR.. and the line "Forgive Everybody And Remember'...and the light bulb went on..

Things are usually repeated to me over and over until the penny drops ...

glad to see your in fine fettle hun

R and D xx

For Everything A Reason

Hello folks,

Today I am in the mood for luv. Hence new diary title. I like to change it regularly. Can't seem to stay a fixed ideal.

Loving, dancing, singing, celebrating good times.

I play out these fantasies in my head regularly. Then reality kicks in, my steady home life and sanity of work. I would describe myself as an all or nothing person. Excess or zero, high or low in everything I do. I get so excited and have great passion for things. I can't do the middle lane, it's boring. I just don't handle boredom or loneliness well at all. I need to live life to the full. A constant flow, chasing dreams, visions, fleeting glimpses of that man I would like to be. It's how I deal with the come downs that has always troubled me.

My need for speed gets the better of me sometimes.

As long as I stay away from the things that hurt others, ruin my health and bank balance then I think I can play out my part. So today I am Shabba.

When my OH comes home tonight, I am going to have a nice scented bath ready with a glass of her favourite red. I will wash her back and rub her aching tired shoulders. The Chinese take away will have arrived by then and we can eat and drink and forget about the stresses of the day whilst I tell her how beautiful and s**y she is and how I could eat her all up. Then we will watch a good film and cuddle up together on the sofa. Later soft lights and candles and nice mood music as we passionately make love. I release all my tension and realise my need to make her feel wonderful. If just for a while. Then peaceful sleep.

Tomorrow I will be Nick Faldo. The day after Jimi Hendrix. I run away from being me 'cos I am boring, ashamed, guilty. I yearn to be secure, level headed, content but every time I get there I always think, is this it? Running away and dreaming is my favourite pastime. I have also achieved a thing or two in the real world (don't know how).

Life's what you make it and I try to make it interesting and worthwhile. People tell me I'm wrong but this is the best way that I cope. Hope it all makes sense.

Best wishes, A.N

Hi AN

Made me smile reading ur post absolutely nothing wrong with running away with life a little having a few dreams and some that may become reality , our life is now what we make of it if u want the fast lane u go for it , all that matters to us is that ur happy living life and enjoying it

The bit that made of smile the most was the nick faldo tomorrow ur gonna av to put some hard work into that one if my mind serves me correctly 100 plus something was it lol

Hey and don't be too hard on the real u plenty of us on here av seen that real u believe me there's nothin bad there a real caring thoughtful funny witty guy in my eyes that's real and genuine

Take care

Castle2

Yo,

Hope you have a lovely evening , who said romance was dead .

Thank you for your reading , have replied about that on my post .

I will no longer try to drag you into the middle lane , as you seem to feel that the fast lane is the one for you . But do have to echo what castle said , I like you .

Probs Nick Faldo and all the rest , look like great guys in the public eye but actually may be so up themselves , they can not find a best a friend who's not interested in fame or fortune .

One of the worst outcomes of this addiction for me , was I hated me , the way I looked , the way I behaved , everything about me . Slowly I am beginning to like myself , being K is ok, yes somedays I still wish I was more like my wonderful sister , or could sing like Adele ,but in reality I am just me , I sometimes have had to search for the good things in myself , but there there and I am starting to notice them more and more .

Make sure Bestie you do the same , the kindness and tenderness you have put into planning tonight is but one .

Gotta go , meeting in 6 mins and must post to the steg .

Laters

Shiny xxxxxxxxxx

Ps did a quick spell check. Good needed to tidy that post up a bit . And no it was not that long but getting longer. Try not to over do it , remember your ticker lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nTSM6FAzzw

All I need to say Dear Diary.

Hello to my diary and anyone who is interested.

A week has gone by quickly. I will not be betting on todays football or horses. I am stronger than that. Spending some time with my daughter, practising my golf swing, going to see a friend in hospital, light housework, cooking, playing music, watching TV. A normal weekend will be today. In the middle lane and just being me today. When I get anxious I will be playing Stars in their eyes again. Lol. Beats gambling anytime!

Laters, people.

Not a single thought of gambling today. Last week a temporary blip. Golf range in the morning, get some practice for my match next week. Hospital for further tests on Monday. Busy week coming, to busy for gambling.

This afternoon didn't even watch the footie results, cleaned the cooker instead whilst listening to some loud energetic music. Infinitely more entertaining. I feel another change of diary coming!

Best wishes,

A.N

a.n

carl

Hi everyone, very unpleasant tests on my heart done. Faced and met head on without gambling to relieve the anxiety/worry. I am hoping now that my life can get back to normal, to a certain degree anyway!

I intend to get my head down and get back into working mode again. Christmas is not too far away, life certainly moves quickly when you are getting older. Every day I am finding new ways of how to deal with stress/depression/anxiety, as long as I don't choose a demon I know I will be fine.

Gonna relax with a coffee and a good book now. So looking forward to our match at golf tomorrow. Nice tea of oily fish(heart and brain food) tonight.

Best wishes,

A.N

hey AN

Good on ya...am an expert on heart health...so tap me if you need some tips...

Scientifically researched ...not voodoo!

Well done for facing head on..courage mon amis...no doubt the Shiny one will be along soon to geet your ticker racing...lol

laters cardiocyberpal

R and D xx

wow... ty for posting.

Sheeeeet... never clicked... "Two" againstnature.... chilling album,....

Have been reading... and ....as is the nature of the beast, have messed up... gambled a few times.... I am a binger... not sure how that is different from the day to day gambler... but I can go weeks... then ... as the term binger suggests... I can go mad. Trying to see some sense on my own at the moment... but had to respond as the nom de plume clicked....

Oh just realised.... Rush ... Two Againstnature is Steeley Dan... sheet again.

Hope you are well... think I is gonna have to "come back", but finding it difficult to go back to what did not work for me.... thinking of electro-gonad treatment... Skinners Rats Syndrome.... it can't hurt trying.

Hope this is Andy or John..... Ian ? if not, I apologise.

Jon

PS: It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

Terry Pratchett

Hey everyone,

Great round I put together today, coming second, had one nightmare hole, a quadruple bogey, would have won without that blemish on my scorecard. Our team won though and I came 2nd overall which was very pleasing.

The only G word for me today is GOLF!

Taking my lad to the footie tonight, Leeds v Hull, big derby match, might even have a couple of beers.

All in all another great day. How quickly those 9 days have passed since my last lapse. It's almost forgotten. Keeping going one day at a time. Looking forward to Christmas already and thinking about which presents I can get for the loved ones in my life.

Best wishes,

A.N

Love the positivity my friend, congrats on the golf, Ryder Cup coming up and before for us it would have meant gambling, stress, anxiety and nervously wating for each update to come through. Now we can enjoy it for what it is and most importantly get out there and play it ourselves!

'I went to the market,

to realise my soul,

because what I need,

I just don't have,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…4E4a7Q4Ag&feature=related

Paulds