Logging Progress

Hi dogears...just thought I'd say high....my vice was online slots...so fairly easy in a sense....I just got a block on my devices....I imagine bookies are harder to do ...so many of them ....but you have to want to do it....I'm only 30 something days gamble free...so still a newbie really...yes it's been hard....bloody hard...a s yes I miss playing....but I don't miss the misery and distruction that it caused.....ok..so I've still got a long way to go but....I'm trying....so hard...and I know that I'm only one spin away from disaster....so that's what stops me.....slots stole my money...my time...my friendships....and have spoilt my relationship with family....they will not take anymore from me.....good luck and keep trying x

Day nightmare. Just lost 8k. Have self excluded and cut up cards. Come on you need to do this otherwise you'll end up with nothing!

Am in despair have lost so much. I don't have anything left. Marriage gone, house lost and I just continue to destroy myself. Please please stop.

Day 1

Had terrible night sleep. Spent most of it reading the forum. Will try the self exclusion telephone number today. Need to be more committed to the triangle. In the past the effort has been half hearted. Target is 1 week gamble free. I will not gamble today.

Feeling awful but nearly through Day 1. Pacing up and down rooms. Anxious. Headaches. Worried about the future. Keep retching. Have stopped credit cards and self excluded so that's a positive start. Have spent most of the day on the forum reading diaries and trying to understand how best to deal with the recovery. Realised I cannot get a mortage due to financial problems. What a f**k up. Wish I could just hide myself away in the corner. Feel so ashamed.

Hi,

Welcome to the forum and breathe!!!!.

The future starts now with any barriers you feel are necessary to get you through today, tomorrow and into the future. In other words to stop you gambling.

If debt is causing an issue consider contacting Stepchange

Try not to look too much into the future. It hasnt happened yet but you can make the future the way you want it to be. You are not alone.

Just take it one day at a time.

Best wishes

Hi bud.

Sorry to see its took a hold again. Did you use the phone number to self exclude? I used it and found really easy.

The money has gone now hard as it is you need to put it behind you. If you can stop gambling the rest will look after itself.

I don't know if you have considered counselling or GA but both can offer different things.

KTF

Day 2

Thanks for your support. It means a great deal to me as I don't have anyone else to turn to.

Yes I used the phone number. It was really easy although it would have been great if it was possible to blanket cover a whole region rather than having to select particular outlets. The gambling cycle was that I would try FOBT in my local bookies and say to myself it's only a few hundered and then I would lose and then try to chase via online sites afterwards. Then the losses would amount to a few thousand. I have never self-excluded from bookies before so I am positive about this step.

I have tried counselling before - worked for 100 days + and then when it came to an end I started gambling again. I think I was using it as a target. I didn't want to let my counsellor down and have to admit that I had started again. Too embarassing. So that worked well and we identified that I needed to fill the excitement void that gambling did offer. So I started running and getting fit and that helped. I think I gamble out of boredom so really need to focus and filling my time with more positive (free 🙂 ) activities.

The barriers are in place. Better than before. I can't rely on those though. I need to rely on myself. I have stopped before because I put the effort in. I can do it again.

I don't have debts but people close to me think I have more money than I actually do. Time to start saving and get my life back on track!

Good luck to you all.

Bit emotional today. Can't stop crying. Got to beat this.

Start of Day 5. I will not gamble today.

The early days are the easiest for me to stop. Emotionally though they are very hard. It's still raw and plays on my mind a great deal. What a fool I've been. Time to grow up and be more responsible. The real challenge is when I get complacent, cocky and when the suggestive idea comes and badgers me to play. "Go on, £200 will be ok, you deserve it, you've done ever so well, just treat yourself". Well it isn't a treat, £200 leads to £2,000, £2,000 leads to £20,000. I have a disease I cannot stop at £200. So today I will not gamble. Be strong. Gambling is evil and miserable, and I am not that.

You are right....it's the addiction of gambling that is evil and miserable...not us as individuals....so with hard work...real commitments. ..and support you can beat that evil and miserable little devil that sits on your shoulder trying to get you to gamble again....early days are hard love...take one day at a time...and if he tears his ugly head...race back here for some support....xx

7 days

Well that's 1 week down. Onto next target of 21 days. Lots of self-loathing going on. Still getting upset, got to stop listening to Adele - she is getting me down. Not thinking of the gambling just worried about the future. I need to find some happiness and life is feeling a little grey at the moment.

Stay strong everyone. Stay strong me.

Well done on the week and a good next target set, I think 3 weeks is the time we seem to get a bit of clarity back in our lives.

I don't think you have to be a CG for Adele to get you down I think see can lower the mood of the happiest man in the world. Her ex boyfriend has a lot to answer for.

KTF

Sounds like you are doing the right things this time dogears.....we are always gonna have these urges to have a bet and making it as difficult as possible to do is the way forward. Gives you a bit of time to try and talk yourseff out of it. Time is a great healer as you know and if you stay positive you will soon be at those 3 weeks. Good luck.

14 days in GF

Continue to have mixed feelings. Proud of myself for not gambled for 2 weeks but keep thinking about what a mess I've made of my life. So glad I self excluded from the bookies. They were the catalyst that caused even greater losses online. I'd always self excluded online but never got round to the bookies. Determined not to set foot in one of those places again. Stay strong.

Miss the buzz so need to find a replacement for that. But I think for the first time I have realised that fighting the addiction is a real battle. It is not easy but I desperatly want to win. I need to work harder at this than I have ever done before.

Well done on 14 days gf! As a cg we do need to find ways to fill up our time and create a different buzz, I have taken up a new hobby and although it was hard at first I never think about gambling whilst doing it! Would be a good avenue for you to explore to see if there is something that you can fill your time with that will help in your recovery! Keep going and stay strong!