lost the plot..

Hi London bloke

wellcome to the diaries you are not alone in what you have done i think most of us on here have done the same or similar.once it gets a hold of you m8 mit will drag you down to a level were you just want dont care what happens next. Its my first time on here and this is week 4 for me. I never realised just how much it would help me to read other peoples diaries and hear from people who understood what was going on in my head. There are some great people on here m8 all willing to listen and help out in anyway they can.

I would suggest that you read some of the diaries,and maybe make some replies then write down your own feelings in your diary I was given a great bit of advice when i joined from a fellow user which was what you have lost is gone let it go.As time has gone by ive realised just how right he was.You have to start your new lifefrom today not yesterday.Like i say m8 ive been jacked in for 4 weeks sometimes i get urges but they pass, but guess what none of that stress or headaches or that how unlucky am i bit .Oh and i sleep well now its just that im off to work.Now todays wages plus the rest of the weeks would have gone in the bookies.when i get home.I mean who wants to get up at this hour do a days work then give their wages away(only idiots like us ).

Well London bloke im sick of giving my hard earned cash away and so are you ,so lets learn how to keep it m8.Today you will be strong.all the best on your recovery kid Jeff.

Hi London bloke

wellcome to the diaries you are not alone in what you have done i think most of us on here have done the same or similar.once it gets a hold of you m8 mit will drag you down to a level were you just want dont care what happens next. Its my first time on here and this is week 4 for me. I never realised just how much it would help me to read other peoples diaries and hear from people who understood what was going on in my head. There are some great people on here m8 all willing to listen and help out in anyway they can.

I would suggest that you read some of the diaries,and maybe make some replies then write down your own feelings in your diary I was given a great bit of advice when i joined from a fellow user which was what you have lost is gone let it go.As time has gone by ive realised just how right he was.You have to start your new lifefrom today not yesterday.Like i say m8 ive been jacked in for 4 weeks sometimes i get urges but they pass, but guess what none of that stress or headaches or that how unlucky am i bit .Oh and i sleep well now its just that im off to work.Now todays wages plus the rest of the weeks would have gone in the bookies.when i get home.I mean who wants to get up at this hour do a days work then give their wages away(only idiots like us ).

Well London bloke im sick of giving my hard earned cash away and so are you ,so lets learn how to keep it m8.Today you will be strong.all the best on your recovery kid Jeff.

Yes Jeff that was good advise. What is gone is gone. It wont ever come back - the money no longer belongs to you. Cut it out of your mind London bloke, and dont think at all about chasing the loss. You will Not win it back. It will just compound and make the problem worse than it already is. And even if you did chase and win it would only be a very temporary fix sooner or later it will go back and more besides. The only way to win is to quit. Good luck with your fight .D.

Thanks Jeff and BlockedOut for your replys, i appreciate your very good advice. Am finding it very hard to forget what i've done but as you both said as time passes and i move on the easier it gets. Got to be honest and regretably say that i had a gamble saturday borrowed more money, from someone else only a few quid was ment for food and things but got the urge and lost it. (had doubled my money at 1 point, then lost the lot) Am reading other peoples diaries as you suggested, have not replied to any as of yet but reading how other people are coping with this and beating it , is in itself a great help.

Congrats on 4 weeks jeff i myself am back on a day clean now an hour ago, this time tomorrow it will be 2.

Good luck to us all, takecare

Hi

Well in a few hours i'll be 4 days without a gamble and i guess if i'm being honest have to say ain't got any money left to gamble with except a few quid that i had to borrow, (again) for my electric key meter and food to get me through till 25th of this month which is when i next get paid. (21 days and counting). That for me i think will be the real test when my wages clear and they are in the bank.

But got to say i'm sick to the back teeth of gambling now and blowing it all, i'm fed up of feeling like this, fed up of having nothing the day after i get paid, annoyed at myself for blowing 3 years of my hard earned savings in 2 odd months, had enough of the stress, sleepless nights the lot , had enough of it all and i keep thinking like this every day, the pain, the misery, everything that gambling causes me and its helping me get through these early gamble free days.

I've come clean to a good friend who keeps bailing me out and told them of my problem and after the initial shock of it all they have supported me which in a way makes me feel very lucky but also ashamed of myself but i guess thats a good thing though.

Am finding as the days past that things do get easier cos i had serious problems for a while sleeping, thinking about all i had lost and also then about the things i had pawned at the weekend but although they are still on my mind i'm slowly trying to move on and forget it..It is getting easier as time passes and for me this is a new start and a new beginning

Reading other peoples diaries about how they are coping/beating this really helps.

thanks for listening

hi keep with it mate. i have a photo of me & the family on a ship in tenerife. was taken about 7 years ago. idyllic day - blue sky, few beers, happy kids. in it i was wearing a gold necklace. this i pawned a few weeks ago to pay a bill. the bill is still outstanding.........i looked healthy, happy & alive. i'm gonna try to replicate that photo next year without the necklace. i've written that off with all the other stuff that gambling has taken away. you are right mr london - this is a new start & a new beginning

all the best

dave

Hiya mate, sounds like you really did hit rock bottom, same as myself and its true i think that you do need to hit rock bottom before you can help yourself!

Like you say, the big test will come when you get paid but until then you can get used to life without gambling and then when you do get paid hopefully you'll be slowly getting used to a life without gambling...obviosuly you will still have days were the urges come and go but thats when its good to visit the site!

Anyway, keep up the good work

Hi Londonbloke,

Your story sounds remarkably similar to mine. Slots was my thing to. No doubt as i use to do you will struggle through till pay day with a little help from friends. When pay day comes the urges to gamble will no doubt come thick and fast.

Put lots of practical barriers in place to stop yourself gambling.. betfilter.com for your pc.. money out of easy reach.. self-exclusion from the usual places you go to gamble... get along to a Ga meeting.

There is another option though and thats rehab and looking at your situation that maybe the best option for the long term. Its no shame to take some time out to work on yourself. Take a look at www.gordonmoody.org.uk Just a thought.

Whatever you do.. keep yourself safe.. your addicted to gambling.. whether you win or lose you gamble it all away just like I did. Life gets better without gambling. Work recovery one day at a time only. Regards.. S.A 🙂

hi all and thanks to david11, simpleton, SA and tl1978 (who replied in new members forum)..for all your comments, advice and best wishes.

Well i've made it through 5 days without a gamble but having hardly any money does sort of help, although saying that i was thinking about sticking 2 quid on wednesdays lotto draws, but then i thought NO you've packed this all in "this is a new start" so i did'nt do it, also the 2 quid will come in handy, help get me through till payday (25th...living on the basics at the mo)...Its madness it really is blow the lot , then live for a month on a few quid with the odd loan from a m8 here and there...

Dunno what people on here think about the lottery?, i know quite a few people that have said to me "no i don't gamble, but i do play the lottery"....i knew someone a good few years back that was addicted to scratchcards its all the same to me, its all gambling!!! (knowing my luck.. now i ain't doing it, my numbers will pop up..you watch)

Anyway 5 days clean and if i'm honest i feel great, just taking everything 1 day at a time. Sleeping much better and works busy as hell at the moment but its taking my mind off my gambling losses although i do now and again keep thinking that i've only got another year and a half to work and i'll get back what i lost in the past 2 months.

I'm reading other peoples recovery diaries all the time and i know i've said it before but what i read just seems to give me that little bit of extra determination to just keep on the straight and narrow so a huge thankyou to everyone for that. I ain't replied to anyone yet but just reading other peoples battles and how people are doing/coping/recovering ..well it just gives me a huge lift it really does(sorry i'm beginning to sound like an old record)

Thanks for listening.... Takecare all

5 clear ..tomorrow i won't gamble

hi all

Just got in from work, i work evenings so am having a few beers and just chilling out i'm now off for 2 days am back on wednesday and what i would normally be doing right now especially when i'm on my days off is logging on to a site and gambling probally on the on-line slots..

I passed the 7 day mark yesterday without a gamble, having no money in your account sure helps and also throwing myself into work gave me other things to think about. But now got to be honest got time on my hands and i'm sort of "lost" ?

7 days and i'm sleeping better, have been slowly forgetting what i lost the last session i was gambling and you know what.... i wish i had a few quid in my account sorry but i really do..god i miss the buzz of it especially now ..

I've posted previously that i'm glad i've stopped etc..etc.. but tonight i'm not finding it easy at all ..

On saturday on the way to work i bumped into a friend i've known for years that gambles in an arcade that i used to play in years and years ago long before i started gambling on-line. I almost lived in that place i did. Anyway got chatting and told them i had quit, just had enough of the whole gambling thing, skint etc ... They then offered me a sub till payday as they had got a result earlier that morning. Well i said thanks but no thanks as i owed money to various people and come the 25th, payday gonna clear up all my debts and start afresh then off i went to work. But you know what i wish now i had taken it, could of quick cashed it on the way to work and bobs your uncle, could of had a little game now after all my lucks gotta change eventually ain't it???.

Sorry i'm rambling on here, feeling very very erm LOST ..Can't watch a dvd cos i've sold em all and the player too..Not feeling tired at all even though its now almost 2am, this is unchartered territory i'm in now. I'm 5 mins walk from a 24 hour amusement arcade and i bet if i walked round there right now i would find 5/6 people in there playing and i would know most of em and could probally get a sub of some kind..

So what do i do next?

I cracked open another beer, signed in here and typed to my hearts content and tomorrow i'm gonna be chuffed to bits that i have.

Feeling like this now, blimey when 1 min after midnight on the 25th comes what am i gonna be like!!!!

Sorry to ramble on and on, got it all off my chest now

7 days clear

best wishes to all, thanks for listening.

You did the right thing. From what you say if you had of got that "sub" you would have gambled it away and be in more debt. I do not lend or ask for money. I will buy someone a pint anytime but crisps notes in the hand.. no chance. I budget so i no longer get into a situation when i am skint. When the gambling stops a little saving for a rainy day can start. I do not want to live my life on a game of luck anymore. All the best the best to you and your on-going recovery.. S.A 🙂

hi mate ... er fellow gambler

lets be honest gambling is sh it but if you are like me it seems that a gambler is what you are its what makes you .. you.

but and i say but because we never use to be gamblers we use to be normall but we went in the wrong direction. this is my first time on here for quite a while around 18 months but i have started to slip so here i am again but in those 18 months i have payed for a wedding and honeymoon and trips to europe so i guess we can stop we just need to my gambling is i belive is a habit not an addiction i started at 12 i am now 39 and to be honest i dont need gambling anymore if you can look at the real reasons you gamble and try and sort them out for me stress is a big reason drink is another the last 18 months i have filled with life i was 17 stone but wanted to be thinner when i got married so i lost 4 stone playing sport i wanted a nice wedding so worked harder i guess what i am saying is that we need to find things that make us more happy than gambling or else we go backwards which is why i am on here a few slips alarm bells are going off need to look to the future and have a plan..

londonboy you are in control of your life and believe me you can do it to be honest its hard and there are things in the way all the time but the rewards are worth it we just need direction so decide what you want and go get it i believe in you because if i did it for 18 months i am sure you can..

just dont gamble today

regards

john

hello again

thanks to SA and John A for taking the time to reply and thanks for your advice.

I woke up this morning feeling chuffed to bits. I wanted to have a gamble last night big time, and i reckon if i had gone out i would of been able to get a sub and as you said SA i would of got myself in even more debt. I think i've reached the stage after 8 days without a gamble that boredom is kicking in, i just don't know what to do with myself. Been gambling all my life and now i'm trying to knock it on the head i have this huge gap to fill. I stopped for almost 3 years before this current spell but think i reached rock bottom then. I lost my wife, job everything..ended up in a hostel and hit the booze real bad and i guess during that time i was more worried about where the next drink was comming from so gambling was way down the pecking order ..the drink just blocked it all out..

John A you are right my friend when you say gambling makes me what i am..i'm feeling completley lost without it if i'm honest... Don't get me wrong i'm over the moon to have gone 8 days now without a gamble. Am sleeping better , my minds clearer than before and i'm less stressed out than i was....but...Gambling has been such a huge part of my life that after these past 8 days i feel very empty..I guess the honeymoon period is over now..and this is where the hard work begins..

Just can't wait to get back to work even though its as stressful as hell but it takes my mind off everything and i have a purpose.

This is my first 2 days off work since i said "thats it no more i quit", and i knew it was'nt gonna be easy...i'm just finding it harder than i thought, still the next break i have from work should be easier.

8 days without a gamble now, tomorrow i'm gonna make it 9

Thanks for listening and i wish everyone well in there recovery

Takecare..

well done Lb i think that you understand about your gambling as i understand mine the fact that you went 3 years shows that you can stop but i guess like me its always in the background even when you are not on the self destruction route the question is why, why do i want to at times need to gamble these are the things i dont really understand i have no need to gamble i have a good job a good life compared to most people but it never seems enough i never seem to be settled i always want just that bit more even though i should be happy with what i have maybe you understand that. just so you understand gambling made me homeless for over a year smile i made me homeless for over a year so i have seen the full picture of what gambling does and can make us do i have stolen lied and hurt most people i have came into contact with i guess i feel sometimes like a right b*****d but i do have some redeeming qualitys me as a person without gambling i am kind caring generous and as i am told good comapany. so my new plan is too concentrate on what i am good at and forget about what i am s**t at i can not change my past but i can change my future we all can.

sorry to latch on to you i want to help you and i want to help me, i look forward to those days when i dont think of gmbling when days seem to slip by without an effort and i appreciate what i have.....

keep going my friend

regards

john

P.s i use to live in london 24 hour gambling do you live near leicester square.. i worked in soho brewer street cafe nero i remember how hard it was with the temptatons around me. also i also use drink to stop me gambling i sometimes wonder which one is worse anyway for the moment stay gamble free.... i promise i will