Lost the plot...so back.

Plod plod plod. Debts don't come down much at Christmas time, but my self-employed bit of work is surprisingly busy over the Christmas period - busy enough to whack a bit more off the debt after the Big Day. I'm becoming obsessed with my one interest-bearing CC at the moment, I didn't realise how much of the balance was interest and how much was capital repayment until I studied my latest statement - £50-odd is capital and £80-odd interest, per month. That's a lot of money to P**5 against the wall each month, so I really need to get this one down and closed.

OH is pregnant again - number 3 - so lots to think about there too. Really need to shave off unnecessary expenditure and get these debts down.

All ready for Christmas, made all our own cards and bought the presents for the kids much earlier in the year at a sale...so, overall, done on a shoestring but not compromised in terms of effect.

Still plodding...was musing today that the one good thing about fighting to pay off my debts is that I truly appreciate the value of money again...I've worked my guts out this month and it's heartbreaking watching it all disappear on CC debts.

Anyway, progress is being made.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Hi bud, just wanted to wish you a happy christmas. great news for you and your OH on baby number 3.

Hope your doing ok.

Pat

Still going. No meaningful gambling (ie what I count as gambling). Lots of money saved. Small chippings off the debt stone.

Christmas came and went nut I spent nearly a week in bed with flu so a bit of a non-event this year.

I really will be SO relieved when these debts actually look like they're reducing.

...and still going. Reading here most days, although not posting very much. My own diary would be a debt-reduction diary, which I don't think is really what this is about, so I don't write a a lot. Apart from shame and frustration I'm just getting on with it, trying to get the debt down. The value of money has returned to me - can't believe I was chucking grands around like confetti a few months ago. And now it's SO hard to bring the debts down, although slowly progress is being made.

Would like to think I'd learnt my lesson this time.

...and still here, reading and abstaining.

Lots of expenses these last few weeks, house repairs, fridge, vac, necessary travel abroad...it's put my debt reduction plan back a bit, although progress is still being made, albeit slowly. The thought has crossed my mind, to have a quick flutter to bring the debts down more quickly, but I'm extremely wary this time. With a lot of luck and if things are uncomplicated, I can be debt-free by next Summer. It makes me sick working myself so hard, and then having to forgo any luxuries and resort to penny-pinching in the most unlikely ways (skip-diving for firewood, going to different supermarkets every week and bulk-buying special offer products, and so on). It's not too hard to abstain at the moment; I think the hard part is when the debts are visibly less.

Hi MM, thanks for the post. i too long for the good old days, i recall how positive i felt in early/mid 2012, things were looking good and i almost made 1 year.

I am currently looking at getting a few quid at the end of march (tax back, bonus and a pay rise) great positive things but all i can think of is the likelyhood of me s******g it all up by gambling it all away. I can make a nice dent in one of my credit cards if i can stay away from the bookies, if i cant then i am afraid its another year going to be screwed up for me and at 38 i now feel that i have fu@#ed up enough years.

Know there are no guarentees but i am willing to try my very best to beat this now.

Hope your doing ok bud.

Pat

hi milk man well said about the value of money returning well done that has not returned to me yet but hopefully will do soon although a scary thought for when it does because that means it will hit me like a sledge hammer realising all the money i have lost. good luck and keep it up , ps its mad on here stuff i think when im gambling , i think im going crazy thinking im the only one thinking it but really there loads of other people on here thinking it. keep strong my friend

"The thought has crossed my mind, to have a quick flutter to bring the debts down more quickly, but I'm extremely wary this time."

So you should be wary! Pay attention to the rational part of your brain - yes, you are having to make sacrifices in order to reduce your debts, but it will only get worse again if you gamble. The long hard honest slog is the only way to beat it!

All the best in your recovery.

Still numb with my own stupidity at the moment.

Thought I had it under control, but then it all became too much for me. Stopped short of ruin but, again, made my life very difficult for myself.

Disgusted with myself; deserve no sympathy, and would prefer a good straight-talking from people who know and understand.

Can't bear to give the details just now because they're still so raw, but will do soon.

Thanks tryer and gamblenot for your comments. I should have read Gamblenots more carefully.

Milkman

fella time to gift back the gift of recovery to you,when I walked away from the forum for all the wrong reasons last year which led to me going back at it you my friend tried in vain to steer my mind to clearer waters.

From my three hour gambling episode I did learn a great deal about myself.

The biggest thing is I will never have control over my life if I am gambling,because gambling consumes my every thought when I am in action.

Addiction will always kid us that we have it under control,f**k it led me up that path for twenty years,kidding me that the outcome of something I had no control over with a random outcome would one day pay dividens.

We know the outcome Milkman

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

that is it our mantra all the time we go at it,we will never beat it through gambling,all wins are but temporary loans from the bookie,we pay back with great interest rates.

Then ice that cake with the self loathing,misery and the general mind f**k that we gift ourselves.

That is for me the truth about active gambling for the compulsive gambler.

I thank you for coming back to share your tales of woe,the honesty of what your gambling really does gift you.

I hope to see your presence about the forum again,the choice is yours fella,do you want to gift yourself a place in the winners enclosure.

for us it is on offer through arresting the punt,through making a choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hello Milkman, I thought you would be back here before long. These so-called "controlled gambling stints" always seem to work in theory but, in practice, it all goes to hell and the "red mist" soon descends. I am quite astute when it comes to reading a race or a football match, but I crave the thrill of winning, I hate losing and I get too greedy for my own good. Even when I was over 15k GBP up, I was still raising my stakes to unmanageable levels to claw back a few small losses. I was very lucky to win as much as I did but, as other people have said, it wasn't my money - it was a temporary loan from the bookies that I paid back with interest. It's all gone and I am in debt again. We are gluttons for punishment - it must come with the gambling territory. I suggest you give this forum another go. I made some comments last week to the effect that it can be a depressing place at times, but having re-read my entire diary, I can see it helped me a lot last time round. We need this forum for support because we haven't told our families so who else is going to support us? Are you still keeping things from your wife? I don't think I can bare to tell mine. She wouldn't understand. It takes one to know one.

Just re-read several pages of my diary. Unfortunately, the first 93 days are missing (30 + a gamble + another 63 gamble-free) because my OH found a page on the computer after it froze when I closed it down. I asked Gamcare to remove the diary because I didn't want her fishing for the rest. It's a shame really because I remember how raw and urgent those times were, and I'd like to have read them again. Never mind, what's there is enough. Day 65 is fist-chewingly awful. Sad seeing a lot of people disappear over the years...I wonder what happened to GT / NT?

As for me, I sat down and did the maths last night. It's bad...all my earnings until Christmas will be absorbed, just treading water and servicing debts. There will be no room for luxuries. 'Luckily', we are not having a holiday this year because we are expecting baby #3 in August. If the unexpected happens, a flood or a car breakdown, there will be no money available. I have 4 CCs...3 are maxed out; One at 0%, 1 at 11% and one at the full whack which I am in the process of dealing with. It's a worry and it kept me awake last night.

I understand fully about who I am and what I have done. I actually have a very good betting system, but I am just unable to stop myself gambling more and more, and more and more frequently. Three times in the last 18 months I have been 9k, 8k and 7k up. At this point, I just go mad, the red mist descends and I can't stop myself. In a weird way, it's like I watch it from outside my body. I end up losing it all, usually very quickly, and then chase until I get to the 'point of no return'. Thank God I haven't crossed the line yet, but this is as near as I've been (except maybe for the first time I came on here). To look down the tunnel into the rest of the year and see no slack AT ALL in my finances is sickening. Two weeks ago I had paid off 3 of my 4 Ccs.

Incidentally, I learned something about the betting sites this time. Bill 'rhymes with 'Chill', the High Street bookmaker, made it difficult for me to cash out when I won 3k. They asked me for 'an explanation' before they released the funds. I told them the explanation was the I had played against a Random Number Generator and my numbers had been better than theirs. However, they said, we require an explanation as to why I am cashing out 3k. I told them I had had a lucky night, they never had any problem taking my money and they should pay out in the same spirit. 30 minutes later they 'accepted my explanation'. They then limited my account so I couldn't use the staking system I play ie couldn't win.B***ards.

A day of licking my wounds and worrying. Spent a day with the family doing lots of normal family things and wondering what could possibly be missing from my life so much that I want to gamble and live on the edge of financial ruin. Going to have to add my earnings up and allocate my outgoings on a weekly basis (my earnings vary week-to-week.) This week, for example, I will earn less than my outgoings, although this shouldn't happen too regularly. Tough. Feeling it all now and feel pretty grim about it all

You need to get on top of your expenses. Are you still buying in bulk, for example? You were getting quite good at that before. I remember you stocking up on vast quantities of bog roll to good effect. Analyse the contents of your weekly food shop and cut out any unnecessary cr**. I have cut out crisps, chocolates, sweets, take-aways and alcohol. None of that stuff is good for me anyway.