lost the plot..

Hi

Thanks Curly10 and ryan for your posts

Curly10.. Things like Dvds can be replaced in time, i too must of pawned 100's over the past 10 years just to fund my gambling along with many other things as well. I remember years ago having a computer and it spent more time in **** ********* than it did in my place. It was in 1 week on a buy back then i'd get it out, then the following week it would be back in there. The lengths that i would go to just to get another fix is madness, really is.

I remember reading someones diary a good while back and they mentioned.. "Things can be replaced, its the time spent gambling that we have all lost"

How right they are....

Ryan.. LMAO, perhaps thats why they gave me the strange looks, there english wasn't that good as i said .. hehehe...

God its good to just laugh, i don't seem to do too much of that of late.

I'm off to bed

Takecare all

I hope you can learn from your mistakes and not dwell on them. You're not a bad person, you just made some bad decisions.

good positive posting LB. . Treating yourself to dvd player. . Now thats progress my friend. . Keep it going you can do it 🙂

Hi Anyone reading this

Aint posted or replied to anyone for a while, but i come on here all the time reading through peoples diaries and the new members forum.

Slipped up AGAIN the day after my last post in another arcade in NW2, nowhere near where i live. Only went up there with a friend to pick up something from B and Q as the store near us was out of stock.

I thought yeah i'll come with you, give me something to do, get me out etc.

Well when we got off the bus i spotted a arcade and just had to go and ruin everything and say lets have a quick look.

Why i just don't know....

I had around 60 quid on me and for some reason i went straight over to the 500's and in 10 mins it was gone and i was out looking for the nearest cashpoint.

The cashpoint charged me £1.75 just to take out the last of my money (Robbing ******, don't the banks get enough out of us as it is!) Anyway i couldn't get back in that shop quick enough. My friend ,who also gambles was sitting on it so no one else played it.

So off i went again feeding the last few notes i had left into this bloody machine, talking to it under my breath, nicely at first but as things got desperate cursing the bloody thing. Anyway we all know what happened....

Left with 82p between us ,we didn't even have enough for 1 last spin..

For them short 40 mins i lost it AGAIN, had never been in that place before in my life, didn't even know it was there.

We never got to B and Q either my mate blew what he had on Joker Poker.

Thankgod i paid everything i needed to pay a couple of days previously cos god knows what i would of done over the next few days.

So the rest of my holiday was in a word C***

So this for me all started again on Sun 28th march. I'm back at work and its now 17 days since i last gambled. Am off now for 2 days surviving on the tips from the past week.

I think now that maybe i too am guilty of only posting when i've slipped up!.. I wanted to post this the very next day but felt well i dunno, embarrassed, a failure, i was doing so well and then here we go again. The same old thing. After 17 days of comming on here almost everyday before or after work i would read various posts and then start writing something then sign off without sending it. w*f am i afraid of?.

Thanks iamFree and Winningpost for your comments after my last post.

TOMORROW I WILL NOT GAMBLE

Takecare and best wishes to all fighting this

Hi Londonbloke,

I can totally understand your thoughts and also your reticence to write. Its hard after a gambling episode. Welldone for coming back and being honest about what happened.

Over time I developed a visual map in my mind of all the arcades in many parts of London. But of course there were always more to stumble across like what happened to you. Or maybe you secretly new it was their?? But either way you have my commiserations. For me each aracde usually had my favourite machine(s) cos thats was (of course) what i was interested in.. not the establishment, not the 1970's carpet and elderly ladies offering me cups of tea... the machines and the riches which were supposedly going to pour out into the tray.. not!

Similar to you I use to go from gambling binge to pay pay living on nothing and then maybe a few days more gambling free before having another binge.. such was the power of my compulsion to gamble. I guess for you that because you may have access to quick money through "tips" your always going to "just about get by" until the next monthly pay.. but its a pretty miserable existence dont you think?.. thats what i think anyway.

For me eventually I moved away from London and although my addiction follows me wherever i go it did help to a certain degree. London had swallowed me up and spat me out. I think in an ideal world i'd live by the sea in an arcade free zone. A calmer and gentler way of living and being. Clearly I don't know what the answer is for you.. that can only come from you.. but what I would suggest is this...

... its hard to stop through will power alone. You know this. Like you say try to post when you feel like gambling not after... I know its not easy. Get along to a Ga meeting.. get into the habit of going to a ga meeting.. its something to be acountable to.. they also have tonnes of helpful recovery stuff to read. May be have a bit of counselling with gamcare. Only carry what money you really need for the day. Take care, keep safe, keep posting.. S.A

Hi

Just got in from work, been very busy this weekend, it keeps me occupied and takes my mind off all the other stuff.

Just been catching up with a few diaries over a cuppa and thought i would break the recent trend and post when i haven't had a slip up...

Thanks S.A for your post, you always seem to hit the nail on the head with your replies and i value your input greatly but have got to be honest and say i had to google "reticence" as i didn't have a clue what that ment...(not to bright me..lol). Seriously though S.A thankyou for all your support.

Well payday is approaching again (Fri 23rd), get paid early this month as the 25th is a Sunday.

Works out well as i'm also off this Thurs/Fri so i can go pay all the bills that i pay in person as soon as my money goes in. Most of them are direct debits but i have a few that i pay over the counter with payment cards.

So get them paid quick so they are out the way then move on to the next month, this will be the 3rd month on the trot that i will have paid back all that i have too so although the road is still a long one, im beginning to feel as though i'm building up some speed going down it....

Actually got almost 60 quid in my pocket from tips i've made this past week so its been nice when i've popped into the supermarket that i didn't have to just head straight to the aisle where they put all the marked down items. (Although i still have a good old rummage through looking for a bargin).

Well thats about it, i'm now 22 days gamblefree and i feel quite pleased with myself.

Tomorrows another day and another step on this sometimes very slippery path, but i know that..

TOMORROW I WILL NOT GAMBLE

Takecare everyone

good to see you sounding more positive london bloke. . Your bouncebackability is admirable mate. Im like you soon as paid get the cards oot and pay the bills.simple but positive steps . This time you CAN do it mate. .

Wow

Bouncebackability is that a real word lol.

If it is then that is what you are Londonbloke lol.

Almost payday londonbloke its a risky time for you Like wp says try and stay positive m8.All the best Jeff.

Hi Londonbloke,

Thanks for the kind words. Nothing wrong in living in the marked down aisle's. I do 🙂 I food shop day today for alot of stuff. This is best way when its just me am feeding. Why pay £2.99 for something when you can pay 70p. Long gone are the days where I gambled so I could try and live in Mark's n Sparks food hall with all the upper class folk dressed in tweed lol

I agree with jeff. Bouncebackability is a good thing (I may google that lol).. no use wallowing in self-pity or playing the blame game. This is soemthing ive been guilty of many a time. Straight back on the recovery boat, life jacket on. keep safe.. cheers.. S.A

london bloke...i practically live out farmfoods freezer shop mate..when paid i usually spend about £30 and use my £2.50 voucher...the rest of month goes on dailly things like breads and milks..P.s 2 x 2 litre milks £1.50 2 x hovis loafs £1 in farmfoods 😉 best wishes we can do this...

Hi

Thanks wp, Jeff and S.A for your replies.

I've got "Bouncebackability" now on the brain even googled it and got 38500 results...hehehe...(sad thing about it is, i started going through them?...HELP! )

Off work now for 2 days, not back till saturday and got to be honest don't know what to do with myself. Pretty sad really just how much of your life gambling steals away from you.

Its only when you stop that you begin to realise just that...

I have this huge empty space now to fill and nothing to do..But just thinking of the aftermath of a session spent gambling, well the boredom i can cope with.

Gonna get paid in a couple of hours (should be in my account just after midnight) so going to be busy tomorrow paying this and that, will also give me a lift knowing certain payments have been made so another step forward in my battle.

Got a bit extra again in my payslip as well so was well chuffed, and had a good couple of weeks with tips so things are good..( Or at least better than they were).

Just sat through that latest election debate and was bored after 10 mins..should of popped to the supermarket, its only 2 mins away might of got a decent bargin, they reduce a fair bit after about 10pm.

Treated myself to 8 cans tonight, strangely enough i only opened the first 1 when that election debate started (All this election stuff is driving me to drink) lol.

Anyway i'm gonna polish em off, stick some music on and go on a Youtube random search..

Takecare everyone, keep strong

TOMORROW I WILL NOT GAMBLE

Hey LB,

Wasn't bouncebackability one of those combi-words that Chris Kamara came up with on Soccer Saturday one time? I seem to remember Jeff Stelling chipping in too.

The vacant time which would normally go on gambling is just the start I've found. I get more sleep on work nights so I'm performing better at work and I'm starting to lose the paleness which tends to stick to me by spending more time outdoors!

Hope you get through the empty days mate, those are the hardest.

Ryan

Hi Londonbloke

We havent heard from you for a while.I hope all is well for you.Drop in kid and let us know how you are doing.All the best Jeff.

Hi Lb,

Like Jeff says.. long time since your last post. Maybe now is the time for an update.. whether life is good, bad or indifferent. I got much from following your story.. many similarities to mine. All the best.. S.A

I just found this thread today and have read the entire thing. its really good to have been able to read about your progress.

hope you're ok londonbloke. post soon xx