lost the plot..

Hi Diary

Back at work now and after just 2 days back i'm shattered...lol..

Fell asleep in the armchair 20 mins after i got home last night and feel exhausted again tonight so am off for a good kip in a sec..

I normally have a good read through the diaries when i get home from work but these past 2 days i have struggled to keep my eyes open. Hope to catch up with them later in the week..

Thanks brian for your post, yep you are right, tomorrow (25th) is payday again and another big test for me. I'm well prepared for it, i know what i've got to do. I did it last month, paid everything that i needed to, so just got to follow on from that..

Plenty of blocks in place this time, i'm now more determined than ever not to go backwards..(I keep reminding myself, just keep taking them small steps and thats how i'm working through it).

Just ODAAT and today is day 20 and today i will not gamble..

Keep strong everyone

Takecare

Pay everything you need to LB and everything will start to fit into shape,slowly but surely....good luck for pay day,i have every confidence in you,you can do it mate 😉

Hi Lb... just want to second what wp has said.. you can do it mate! 🙂

Nearly payday LB, but you'll get through. You've done so well, it would be a shame to throw it away. Spend the money on bills and things you need and a few cans perhaps!

Hope you're ok

Simon

Hi Diary

Payday..Moneys in i checked on my way home from work. Looks good sitting there and thats where it all stayed..I only wanted my balance cos i had to work everything out, who gets what and how much after all my direct debits have cleared etc..etc.

Just finished sorting it and got it all written down in front of me and can't wait to get to the bank..(would go now if they were still open, just to get it done...lol)

Anyway will have it all sorted by 11am today.

Had a good day at work, less stressful than usual, maybe thats because it was payday i dunno..

Thanks wp, S.A and Simon for your encouragement, very much appreciated..thank you.

Off to bed, bet i will "sleep" better than usual tonight..

Keep strong and takecare

Great reading LB 🙂 keep it going and keep the past firmly in the past mate 🙂 onwards and forward we go 🙂 you can do it mate 🙂

Hi

Been out and about since 9am..Everything now paid, even paid my phone bill in full, (was 9 weeks overdue)..

Just my direct debits to all come out later today and tomorrow and another successful month completed...Everything now up to date..

lol as i write this, the postmans just been and my latest gas bill has dropped on the mat..

(I wonder if he followed me to the bank and the paypoint, waited till i had everything paid then thought lets give him another 1)..hehehe.. sorry its next month for you Mr gas man...

Progress is being made, small steps...

Onwards..

Takecare

Nice one Londonbloke, no greater feeling hey mate :o)

Now that is what I call proper progress, rather than s**nk*ng it all and have the panic and stress about how you will last.

Top work :o)

Hi LB. As smokey says that's real progress, you've had a good day. Even though you're not left with much paying the bills is a great feeling compared to losing the money. I'm left with not much in my overdraft limit but enough for a couple of pints tomorrow night and maybe 2 at the weekend and that's it until Wednesday. Have got to the bottom of the freezer now, those chicken burgers that have been in there for months and completely frosted over!

I'm following your example when I get paid next week and will be paying bills and getting Christmas presents, not throwing it away at the casino!

Hope work's gone well today

Simon

How're you doing LB?

Am missing your posts. Hope you're ok

Simon

Hi London Bloke, like skint Simon...it would be good to hear from you. Take care russ

Morning LB. ..my turn to post at silly o clock. You've gone quiet all of a sudden (again) ..let me guess, little or nowt of what you had left has been lost and you've ended up with payday loans. No shame mate even if you have, never give up giving up !!!..I would just love to be proved wrong though mate. ..in fact I would love it even more if you would also stick two fingers up at me and tell me what a cheeky b*********d I am and tell me your computers been playing up so can't post 😉 there are many on here routing for you LB, nobody more than myself, at least give us an update. .you can do this mate, believe !!

Morning

No sticking 2 fingers up at you wp cos yes, once again i've been at it..

Paid everything i needed to out my monthly wages and had about 200 odd quid left in the bank to get me through till payday and lost the lot at the weekend..

Almost 4 weeks recovery down the pan..Just the same boring, mundane old story..

I've self excluded not long ago in the arcade i was gambling, but in i went and no-one said a thing so i just got on with it..

I've said it many times before, but now i'm skint and have nothing i know where i stand..Mad ain't i...NOW I CAN'T GAMBLE cos theres nothing left..

I go on and on about i'm gonna beat this thing..well as Brian said in a post to me a couple of weeks back anyone can stop when they have nothing to gamble with.. Well once the boredom kicks in and i have a few quid in my pocket and the urges hit then sooner or later i will gamble plain and simple..

On a plus note progress has been made, i've paid all the bills and loan repayments etc that i needed to pay for the second month running and i'm slowly eating away at my mountain of debt, but then a few days later i'll go and lose the rest and struggle through to payday again..(thank god for the few quid in tips i get at work else i really would be stuffed)

Yep i know, must try harder..blah, blah But i have blocks in place.. Self excluded from many, many places close to me (That didn't help did it), cash card, can't gamble on-line, only normally carry a few quid around with me, avoid places with machines in, all these things, but the sad sorry truth is that i can't get it out my system.

When i'm gambling i'm a completley different person, i come alive....Yep when i've lost the lot i'm again another person who hates himself and hates what i've done.. This is what i've done for most of my life (apart from a 3 year gap, and how i did that now i don't know!!)..This is what i do..This is my sorry excuse of a life ..Do i want to change..Yes..Can i change ...well it don't look to good does it, I just keep messing everything up and going back to the same old thing..

Maybe my heads just not getting the message..i dunno..excuses, excuses, excuses..

Almost the end of another c***** year, bring on 2011.. New year, Fresh start..

Rant over..

Thanks again wp, Simon, Smokes, Russ, SA and others that read and post on my diary..

So yet again another balls up..setback, whatever you wanna call it..to all of you (and there are many on here) that have stopped this madness for good, god do i take my hat off to you.. Got a lot more strength than me..

Takecare all

Nite..

Hi LB,

I have been reading your diary and keeping up with it for awhile now. I'm new to posting on this site but I have been reading the diaries here since September. Sorry to hear about your recent slip...The good thing is you've paid all your bills for this month..

I live here in Las Vegas and I have so much temptation I can't even tell you. We can't self exclude here like in UK. I know how hard it is to resist temptations but we have to do it to make a better life for ourselves....Maybe someone else could manage your finances...Unfortunately once we became addicted to gambling, we will be addicted forever. It's really an ongoing recovery. The best way is to stay away from temptation..I'm sure you've heard all the advice from everyone here.

Just know that we are all in this struggle together and when you feel like being weak, try reading the diaries, better yet your own diary to remind you on what this horrible addiction could do.

So Get up LB!! You know you can do it!! There is so much more to life than this addiction!!

Stay Strong!! I hope to hear more positive posts from you.

Vegas

LB,

Don't give up on 2010 yet. You can have a great start on your recovery before the end of the year. It could be the best year yet.

On your comment about others giving up... the temptation is still there and I will always be a CG. I reming myself of that every day and where I have been in the past. That gives me the ammunition to do one thing "Today I will not gamble".

Doesn't matter how many times you try and fail. That is why this forum is here. Continue picking yourself up and trying again. It is tough (I have been there) but you will get there eventually. The alternative to not trying is total ruin.

Good luck my friend.

Brian