lost the plot..

Hi londonbloke, it sounds like you have had the kick up the back passage you needed! Smokey and wp are spot on fella. Don't be too disheartened, you are making process. It's just a case that some of us need more barriers than others. Don't give yourself any opportunity.....it's very likely you will take it. Keep going fella and keep that chin up. Russ

LB,

Would like to hear from you .... how are you feeling? Hoping all is good with you.

Brian

Hi Diary

Had a good evening at work, had a nice shift , had some good news as well.. After waiting 2 weeks to find out what shifts i'm working over Xmas it turns out that i'm not working after all, i've got 5 days off from the 24th till the 29th..

Was quite happy to work as the extra money would come in handy, but as they have enough volunteers already i'm off and will get paid my basic wages so its all good..

My friend from work whos off sick who i previously mentioned finally rang me today as i had left god knows how many messages on his mobile and i put it to him about asking if there was any chance he might be able to help me manage my money come next payday (he knows all about my addiction)..He didn't say yes or no but told me he's coming back to work Monday so we'll meet up and see if we can work something out, have a chat etc..Will let you know how it goes..

Thanks Dan, wp, Russ and Brian for your support, must admit i'm well behind with other peoples diaries, was going to catch up these past 2 days when i was on my days off but if i'm honest i just wanted to forget all about "gambling" and everything to do with it..Sorry selfish thing to say really ain't it...

I get a lot out of following peoples progress and how they are dealing/coping with this thing of ours, it really gives me a huge lift to read of someone doing really well...

But every now and again i just don't want to even think about gambling or anything associated with it..Sometimes i'm just sick of it all..

I never went to the dentist either, the toothache aint been as bad these past few days, most of the time now i don't feel any pain at all.. Though i'm now chewing food just on one side of my mouth bit like a cow...Yes i know i should go and i will as it will only get worse over time but... and this is gonna sound crazy... i panicked about how much it might cost to get the work done..I checked the prices on my NHS dentist website and reckon i need 3 fillings in that side of my mouth and just can't afford it, ain't got the funds..

I'm maxed out everywhere and can't see anyone (even work) lending me money cos i've already had a loan from them and loans from various other people..They would probably think i just want it to gamble with anyway..So as crazy as it sounds i'm gonna cope with it till payday then get it sorted..(Won't have to go through the embarrassment that way of asking people or work for another loan)..

Terrible ain't it..but asking people for money now makes me feel like a right t****r..Of course when i've been on a gambling spree, then i wouldn't give a d**n where i got the money from. I would just blurt it out say i need money, then i didn't care at all, totally lost in the gambling web..

Its like i'm 2 different people.. How mad and crazy is that...

Anyway 11 days now since my last slip up..i have about 30 quid in my pocket from tips made in the past week or so. Need electric and food from that but i should get by...(well no, i will get by..am so used to living like this month after month)..

So things are ok at present, i'm a very simple person, pretty much happy with the very basic of things.

Hope everyones doing ok

Keep on your toes and keep your guards up

This time of year can be a stressful one for us all..

Takecare

Morning

Had a rough night, only had a few hours sleep.. kept having weird dreams, the last one before i woke was about me robbing a jewelers and stealing wait for it...a pizza!!!!

Of all the things you find in a jewelers don't think i've ever seen a pizza on display before...Where these dreams come from, god only knows lol..

Just wanted to add to my last post.

Thanks Dan for mentioning about trying to set up another bank account, will look into that, that sure would help me and at least then i would have a steady income each week to get by on..Dunno if the bank would let me open another account though as i'm into them for a good few quid but i'm gonna make some enquires..Thanks though its got me thinking about it now..

Also wp... I work for a big company where we all get paid monthly, not sure if they would change things round just for little old me but again its sure worth a shot, i'm gonna look into it, have a word with my union rep later today, see if that could be a possibility. Once again thanks for the suggestion.

Had dreams/thoughts along these lines also, thats what got me thinking about it..Must of been the posts i read last night.

Anyway i'm gonna try and doze off for 2 or 3 hours more, ain't working till 4pm..I know its a strange time to try and get some sleep ain't it, but what the hell..

Hi Lb.. don't worry about posting on other peoples diaries. Remember that your helping so many people (including me) just by being so "open" about your own life. For me I learn alot about myself through the experiences of others. I relate to so much of what you are going through especially having gambled in very simialr fashion to how you did. Notice the word "did".. cos its all in the past now 🙂

Funny thing about the dentist is that I also need some dental work, not because am in pain (I had the nerves from all my incisors removed years ago) but because the white filling has come off. If I smile widely (which i seldom do lol) then its obvious that my teeth need treatment. And the thing is at the moment it would be free for me. But what stops me is that i don't want to walk into the dentist and have to say am on the dole.. so i do nothing. Just pride i spose. Can you ask then to pay in instalments or get what urgent work needs doing now and pay for it when you next get paid?? chances are if you make an appoitment now it will be for januray anyway.

Anyway hope you had a good shift at work. Your doing tonnes of positive things at the moment.. keep going.. S.A 🙂

Hi LB,

What a strange dream, a pizza in a jewellers'?! Perhaps it was nature's way of trying to tell you that small treats are much better for you at the moment than expensive ones. Tasty home made pizzas sounds good to me! I'd have that rather than an expensive piece of stone on some metal...!

No worries about not being able to post on people's diaries. What really matters is that you use this forum how you really want to. I, too, have had time when I did not want to come on here as I wanted to totally forget about gambling and that can only be a really good thing.

GT

Hi

Well reached 2 weeks again today, god doesn't time go so quick nowdays, can't believe its now less than 2 weeks till Xmas..

Got money in my pocket as well and had a cracking day today with tips from work. Cleared about 35 quid all told which is great..

Busy as hell at work today, very hectic shift, the west end is just one huge mass of people this time of year, complete chaos. I'm up there every day with work but never go near it on my days off..I couldn't handle all the crowds, would do my head in, really would..

Spoke to admin about being paid weekly instead of monthly, but sadly thats a no go..they just can't change the system just for little old me its all computerised.

Anyway was worth a shot but this friend from work should be back monday so i still might be able to get something in place to give me that added block..

If he don't wanna get involved then i'll just have to b****** well dig deeper and try harder..

Anyway i'll wait and see what he saids after he returns to work and we have a chat..

No further problems with my teeth (touch wood), still chewing everything like a cow though on one side of me mouth..Not taking any chances.

Thanks S.A for the suggestions, reckon i'm gonna stick it out now till next month. Like you said probably wouldn't get an appointment now till the new year anyway..

GT..lol maybe i'm just going nuts, what with these strange dreams i keep having.. A long time ago i had a dream i was being chased down the north end road by a fruit machine that had these little arms and legs and i just kept running but it never caught me... So dunno if the dream about that pizza from the jewellers is progress or not!! ... lol

Anyway as i said before day 14 today, am working later also so am off for a decent kip and you never know maybe the odd weird dream..

Takecare everyone..

keep strong and enjoy the rest of the weekend

Nite

LB,

Good man.

Remember, you will look back on 2010 as being the year that you gave up this gambling cr ap forever. !!!!!

Wouldn't that be nice? It's just a case of remembering that and wanting that anytime an urge comes along. Urges that seem more difficult after a few beers.

Keep it up.

P.s. spend that 35 quid on getting in some food or buying a tyre for your bike!!

Brian

Yes I agree with mydiary about that £35.

Treat yourself, you've worked hard!

GT

Another tough day at work, loads of stress, grief and hassle but made another 17 quid tips so thats something..

this friend from work who i was hoping might agree to help me handle my money come payday didn't come in to work again today..the office wouldn't tell me a thing, just that he rang and spoke to one of the managers so after many calls to his mobile all i get again is voicemail.. Feel a bit let down but if hes still sick then i'm a selfish git..

Off now for 2 days and got 85 odd quid in loose change screaming at me as i write this..(most of it in pound coins too)

I don't wanna..but the other side of me does..

Got these two 24 hr shops 5 mins walk away..God do i want to put on my coat or what..urges..urges..bloody urges..

Really really want to tonight..only got another 11 days till i get paid can survive them with nothing in my sleep..

Self excluded in both these places 3 or 4 diff times, and know if i walk in to one of them no-one would say a word..

Treated meself to a good few cans tonight..thats 12 quid i could live on for another week..i'm sometimes not right in the head but sure am enjoying emptying them though..

Feeling very sorry for myself for some reason..happy/sad..lonely/isolated..hyper/rejected..whats up with me..

i'm off out, gonna get a bottle of something..had a bottle of coke in my fridge for 2 odd months doing nothing..

Here indoors is better than there..

will post an update when i get back..

Back..bottle in hand, now wheres that coke..

1 extreme to the other i guess bit like a pinball machine..at least i'll wake up with my 70 odd quid sometime tomorrow still intact.

i'm off to u tube..as much as i'm not into xasm ..as it is almost that time again..the pogues would go down a treat..

be merry.. theres plenty worst.

Hi londonbloke, I'm sorry to hear that you had such a tough evening of urges. You battled it and you got through it. You could have nipped out and gambled.....but you didn't. Yes, you turned to the drink but you did get through it. You have two days now to recover, take stock and start again. Can you go out and do something you haven't done before? Do something that will fill those lungs with air....take care fella. Russ

Keep fighting the good fight Lb!!

Remember that spin spin spin always ends in no money and personal despair. Remember where gambling has taken you in the past and when your own personal painful memoeries start to fade read the experinces of newbies.. it sure helps me.

Have a good day my friend and thanks for your support as always.. S.A 🙂

Morning..

just woke up, blimey did i sink a few last night or what..

Was feeling a bit sorry for myself i think, been up and down like a yoyo for a couple of days but i reckon getting a bit rat a******** helped in its own little way..

The most important thing is ..i never gambled, even though i got the urges quite bad...So thats something to feel good about..

Thanks Russ and S.A for your comments.

I'm off for a shower then gonna go for a walk clear my head and get some shopping in. Have a great gamblefree day everyone.

Takecare

Having a merry night is far, far better than throwing money away to those evil greedy gambling bosses who think nothing of preying on the vulnerable.

But go steady, eh? Alcohol is there for us all to enjoy on a moderate basis.

Hope you enjoyed your walk in the fresh air and that you managed to treat yourself a bit when shopping.

GT