lost the plot..

Hi Lb.. like wise.. great post!

My gambling and drinking is very much linked as well. Most of my gambling episodes over the last few years have been drink related. Its taken me years to get to a point where gambling is now history (one day at a time) and drinking is an occasional thing done in moderation.

I tried stopping drinking altogether and was never able to manage it. I no longer want to stop completely anymore which seems to have helped. Over recent months I have been able to have "a pint" after running club or "a can" with a meal. its the going out and getting wrecked thats the one to avoid for me.

keep focussed Lb.. all the best.. S.A 🙂

Hi Diary

Time for a quick update.

Well today is day 13...

Almost 2 weeks now without either a gamble or a drink.. Feeling ok except i'm having a terrible time getting off to sleep tonight...hence me posting here at this hour..

Been working non stop this past week and am even doing overtime later today and also monday (my days off) as i've been offered the extra shifts so i'm taking it while its on offer.. Gonna be knackered later though..

Had a very busy week so you would think i'd be out like a light when me head hits the pillow but not tonight, in fact since i've cut out the drinking i've had a few nights like this..

Got to admit i was drinking almost every day after work, even more so if i was gambling. God i'd be knocking em back like a fish. I guess its just taking my mindset time to re-adjust as i'm no longer doing it.. I dunno!..

Anyway apart from the sleep thing, i'm doing ok, feeling more positive about everything.. I think all the time about gambling, but only really regrets at what i've done to myself over all these years..

I tend to beat myself up a lot over it all. Not just the losses, but everything that gambling has robbed me of. It really does take no prisoners as we all know..

But then i will remind myself that all that is now in the past and i'm moving forward and as each day passes i get just that little bit more determined and stronger..

So small steps have been made i'm gamblefree in 2011 (and intend to stay that way too) and also cut out the booze so thats reasons to be cheerful 1..2..3.. (sorry ian dury moment there..lol)

I'm under no illusions. I know that it is still early days and i remind myself of that each and every day..

Thanks Russ, Defeated,Curly and S.A for your support, your kind words spur me on so thank-you...

I do every day when i wake read a bit of the diaries while having a cuppa and a smoke, but thats all i do as i'm half asleep..lol ..Its good to read that so many are doing so well..

Keep strong everyone, lets all of us make a difference in our lives.

Now let me see if i can get off to sleep..

Keep safe, keep focussed and all the best to everyone

Nite...

Hi M8

Im affraid we could both be Ian Durys blockheads,in our lifetime lol.

You like me live life to the full.I work all week and have always gone out at the weekend.I feel if i work all week then i deserve something at the end of it.Im sure you are the same as me and got really pi**ed off working overtime only to give it straight away gambling.

I have to envy you m8 stopping gambling and drinking together it will be hard work but you can do it.However i feel you should have something to look forward to.So treat youself every so often.Maybe go for a meal or buy yourself something.You work hard at your job,and now twice as hard to put your life back on track.You can do it m8.All the best Jeff.

Hi Diary

Well thats 2 more overtime shifts out the way, back to normal later today start my own 6 days of shifts...no rest for the wicked..lol

Thanks Jeff for your reply..I agree, think i will treat myself to a little something when payday comes round. 1000's on gambling, god knows how much on drink..What a waste..

The last thing i treated myself too was a cheap dvd player a good few months back cos i had pawned the decent one i had, just to get a few more quid to go and chase losses..

I'll give it some thought over the next week or so..Will pick up something for my friend who stayed here with me over Xmas too..

So...Day 15 and going along fine, no gambling and also no booze...

I know the urges will hit me hard at some point but with me throwing myself into work, that actually helps in itself cos i have no time on my hands...No time to get bored.

But i do know that i have to always be on my guard...Tough times lie ahead..

Right i'm off to get some sleep..

I'm Gamblefree in 2011, god do i like the sound of that or what...

Keep strong everyone..

Takecare

Hi Lb and great stuff on progress made. Have you got that bicycle fixed? now the snow and ice has gone maybe its time to get peddling again.

As far as the drink goes.. like you suggest.. when you ease up on the work shifts you may find the craving for a few tinnies of an evening returns. Plan ahead as to how you want to manage this. The most important thing is breaking that link between drinking and gambling. Ive done the Agora at 5 a.m when drunk myself.. its grim thats for sure.. never again. Hope your having a good day.. S.A 🙂

Hi Blokey, sorry for not posting sooner. I just wanted to say that you are doing great. Giving up the drink at the same time is very tough, but I'm sure you will benefit. It's a good idea to treat yourself. Everybody needs something to look forward to. Set yourself a small goal and reward yourself at the end of it. Keep posting lb, you can do this. Russ

Like you, I love the fact that I am gamble-free in 2011. What a great feeling this is - let's keep this up!

Look forward to hearing how you have managed to treat yourself. It's important to be able to do this once in a while isn't it?

Have a great gamble free weekend.

GT

Hi Diary

Another busy few days at work, am working this weekend as well but am off on Monday.

Been having another very good week tip wise, best i've had for a long long time.. I've even managed to pay back the money i took from my friend at Xmas just from the tips i have made since the 3rd January. I popped it in to her yesterday with a card and some flowers so thats one less debt i have to worry about..

Have racked up 24 hours overtime already this month and should hopefully get another 14 odd hours in by the end of it.. I'm actually doing as much overtime as i can get this month because i'm hoping to clear up all my back rent and council tax payments and get them all back up to date from this months payslip..Got it all worked out, and should be able to do it whilst also paying off the loan repayments and the overdrafts etc..

And of course leave meself a few quid to live on..

When i get them both up to date i will feel chuffed to bits i really will, as i previously calculated it would take me till the end of march to sort them out. It will be a solid step of real progress being made..

So into day 19 today without a drink or a gamble..Things are going along nicely and i've actually been feeling much better about everything these past two weeks

I must also say when i do get a down moment i keep watching that old flashmob crowd at liverpool st station on youtube. (It was a comercial a couple of years back for a mobilephone company)..Just the people taking part and everyone coming together really makes me feel good about myself.. It gives me that warm glow, i enjoy watching it and seem addicted to finding different ones to watch on the net at the moment, but i'm sure as everything does i will eventually get bored of it .. But at present it brightens my day and thats what counts...

Thanks S.A, Russ and GT for your kind words..

S.A ... I ain't forgot about my bike, i still need a back wheel to get riding again and i do miss it, but for the next couple of months or just while this rainy weather is with us i'm gonna keep using the tube (it don't cost me nothing) then i will look at maybe just buying a new cheap bike from somewhere..Maybe even pickup a secondhand one..

Right i'm off to get some sleep

Have a great gamblefree weekend everyone

Keep fighting...we CAN do this..

Lets all of us make a difference to our lives in 2011.

Keep safe..

Hai London bloke....

My favourite Ian dury.........

Reasons to be cheerful part 1...

Gamble free for 2011.........

Now carry on doing what you're doing and long may you continue in to parts 2/3/4/5 and eternity...

Rooooting for ya 🙂

Londonbloke,

You are doing fantastic. I'm chuffed to see you in such a good space. Keep it going and like you say, you could have your back rent sorted and hopefully treat yourself to something nice in a few weeks.... some nice clothes, a plasma tv, a nice meal ... all the things we could never afford when we were gambling. I remember when gambling, I would lose my nuts and then scrimp by buying really cheap food like a 1 quid frozen pizza, only to gamble more later that night. What a waste !!!

Be sure to treat yourself though LB, because if you push yourself too hard you might explode. Besides, you deserve it for all the hard work you are doing. (in recovery).

Brian

What a lovely positive post mate!

And how nice it was for you to give your friend some extra back when you paid back the money. That can only give you a warm feeling inside to have been able to do this.

Like the previous post, yes, you really do need to make sure that you treat yourself. You have worked so hard (I know as this recovery journey is NOT an easy one!) and you deserve a treat. OK, maybe a plasma TV may be some time away, but small treats can go a long way.

I remember my first take away for absolutely ages when I went to London last year. Boy, that really did go down a treat!

Keep it up mate and stay aware for those gambling urges who are very likely to come back at any time. You will beat them though, I am sure.

GT

Hi LB.

Thanks for posting on my diary.

It's great to see you doing so well at the moment. What a nice gesture from you to return that money you 'borrowed' with a little something extra.

We are at similar stages at the moment i think. Day 21 for me today and similar for you. Something feels different this time though LB. It feels like this is our time.

Keep up the positive thoughts LB.

Hi Diary

Busy day at work but i enjoyed it and of course it takes my mind of other things..

Feeling pretty tired even though i had a day off yesterday. Still having trouble in the sleeping department, in fact i must of woke up last night 7/8 different times, then i was up early cos i was working a day shift..

But back on late shifts tomorrow so can have a decent lie in which should do me the world of good..

Day 22 today of my joint recovery and all is going well...No gambling or drinking although i really fancied a few beers yesterday and also had some gambling thoughts. But i quickly found something else to do, (My cooker looks brand new now..lol) and that done the trick, stopped me thinking about both..

Got to dig in now though, this is where the serious stuff begins. Reached this point a good few times over these past couple of months before gambling again and throwing away everything i was working towards..

But i'm more focussed this time, in a much better frame of mind which i think will all help me no end..

At the end of the day though as i've previously said i can talk the talk....Nows the time for me to act upon it and turn words into actions..

So steady as she goes....

Thanks Pauls, Brian, GT and Curly for your support, as always its good to get some feedback and advice so thanks guys..

Have a great gamblefree week everyone

Takecare and keep safe..

you certainly are more focused these days LB.....posting more regulary certainly helps beat them gremlins mate....staying off drink and not gambling,wages and tips come christmas i will be looking for a sub off you mate ...very well done,we can do this 🙂

Hi Lb,

Thanks buddy for your support.. I always thought that our reactions to gambling binges were similar and really quite dramatic. You crossed my mind the other day when i was having my binge.

I was in the gambling hell hole feeding the £500 machines and out the corner of my eye I saw this bloke on Joker poker slots (you mentioned them from your last gamble). He was getting angry whacking the machine, getting the staff nervous am sure. Then suddenly he was at my side.. "got a quid mate".. "its about to pay". I says "no mate i don't lend money" at which point his mobile phone is dropped into the coin tray of my machine.. "mate youl have it back in seconds.." I give him a quid just to get rid of him.. his phone stays in my coin tray. Anyway 2 minutes later his arm stretches out with a pound coin.. no eye contact.. he's too busy with his joker poker. I take the coin. I carry on in my gambling bubble and he carries on in his. Nothing more is said.

A few minutes later I run out of money completely and his phone still sits in my coin tray. I think to myself I could just walk out with his phone and he'd be none the wiser. It was nice phone as well. I don't though.. what the f**k would I do with it. I hand it back. I step out to my gambling aftermath misery and not long after am sure he does the same.

Its no joke is it, this compulsion to gamble at any cost. I'm an ex-gambler now.. its over.

Your doing great Lb.. when you next get some time off.. fill it with other stuff. Thanks again.. S.A 🙂