lost the plot..

Hi Lb.. I just wanted to follow up on Seano's post. The Gh programme is now alot shorter .. as far as i am aware its about 4 months. Just wanted to let you know.. cos it could be an option to take time out from your job but still have a job to go back to when you complete the course. Its always an option anyway. Take care.. S.A

I just been reading your diary and after a few months off reading I could have skipped past all your posts and got to your payday or a few days after and you reach the same conclusion blown the lot again!.I dont know the answers for your addiction but you need help bud or change your routine at payday as we all know its easy not to gamble when were skint but when you have a few bob in bank thats when your wee mind starts doing overtime.

I dont know if you do online banking but set up standing orders for everthing and if your monthly pay date varies just change date on standing order every month.As regards to debt pay off all your priority debts i.e rent arrears,leccy, council tax .Forget about all unsecured loans/credit cards if its unsecured there is nothing they can do as long as you have came to an agreement with them regarding lower payments due to you paying priority debts contact http://www.cccs.co.uk/Home.aspx

they do not charge for helping

I am like you another gambler and have spent thousands on gambling no tens of thousands infact i could have paid my mortgage of twice lol.I dont think you have hit rock bottom yet it may be when you are kicked out on your a**e for rent arrears that it happens

Sorry if am being a bit harsh but I liked reading your diary it was a good open and honest account of your illness .

I have never really got slot machine addiction as i was/am a football/horse man and have several times walked into to bookmakers with a few hundred and won several thousands

I would have loved to have read that you relapsed and won a few quid lets face it you are not the luckiest of punters do something different at payday jog/swim/play five a side read a good book go online and do a months shopping online get it delivered

Keep posting

jack

hi LB, i've mentioned it before but there is a GA meeting near you on wednesdays i believe, it may be worth going (also many others in london other days of the week). I get the feeling that you need more intensive support, maybe also / instead try Gamcare for counselling ?

I also think apart from scratchcards & the ***** fruit machines are the worst form of gambling in terms of percentages paid out, if i said to you give me 20 quid press a few buttons on my machine and i'll give you 7 quid back would you do it ? then give me the 7 quid press a few buttons i'll give you 3 quid back, then give me the 3 quid back i'll give you 50p - thats how you end up skint. These arcades make millions every year, many are listed on the stock exchange they're not there so you can win a jackpot. Have you googled 'self-defeating personality disorder' ?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/…efeating_personality_disorder (copy/paste) read it & see if it reminds you of yourself. You could also read 'Hunger' by Knut Hamsun, your diary reminds me a lot of that novel, the protagonist basically starves himself & renders himself penniless to get a masochistic thrill. If you would like someone to go to GA with you give me a shout here.

Maybe ask if you can get paid weekly ?

Hi Lb... i'd imagine that pay day is just around the corner for you just as it is for me. The choice we face is clear, either

A. Stand in front of slot machines and risk emptying ones bank account with all the horribleness that follows from that OR

B. Choose not to take option A

I choose option B

All the best to you. Whatever you decide to do.. update your diary at some point.. support is always here whatever happens.. S.A 🙂

Londonbloke

Where are you?Give us an update m8.All the best Jeff.

Have just re-read all of this after having been involved in it around 15months ago - it is heart breaking and so typical of the 'story' of a CG.

Don't think that your recovery will be straight forward but I do think you have made massive strides, focus on them and whilst not actively trying to gamble - limit what you can spend if you do trip up.

I wonder, if my life had taken a number of different turns if I would be in a similar position to yourself now. I can identify with so much of what you have wrote.

Anyway, you have made significant strides, I do think it is so difficult without a support network (close family) to help, but I really hope that you can beat this evil addition.

I have just read the whole thread of your diary LB and i would hope that you get back to the massive support group that cares about where you are and what you are doing,it is one of the most emotional things i have done and makes me want to quit gambling completely.

bestofluck

Hello LB

hOWS it going bud? Completely irrelevant on your gambling status, theres loads here willing you on........... You're man of strength, believe!

Hello

Firstly just want to thank wp, S.A, Brian, Pauls, seano, Russ, Defeated, GT, Jack, Davey, Jeff, seenthelight and lee4 for your posts and anyone else who reads or has previosly posted on my diary....Thankyou to you all for your support..

I've not been posting like i used too, but i have been reading people struggles and success stories almost every day..

To those of you that are finding ways to beat this thing and have been gamblefree for many months, even years and there are many on this forum ..god i take my hat off to you all as i know just how hard it is to stay stopped and rid yourselfs of this thing...

And to those that are struggling (like myself still) or just starting out on your recovery all i will say is never stop..Don't give up the fight..if you slip up, dig deep and go again.. Never ever give up giving up..

Sometimes i can't get my head round the fact that i started this diary over 17 months ago and yet i still find myself in that very dark place that is the world of a compulsive gambler..

Of course there were many lost years before i began this diary, and they are now gone just like these past 17 months..

But for the god knows how many times, i begin this journey once again.. A fresh start and back to the 1 day at a time system..

I have also as many others have, joined another forum..For me the more help, advice, guidence, support and reading of peoples battles against this and how they have gone about beating it is all of benefit to me and i will continue to read and post on both sites..

Once again many, many thanks to all that have taken the time to post and apologies for not replying sooner..think i reached the point where i began to think why bother. Its just the same old story and i was just as fed up and frustrated as many of you of reading of slip up after slip up on my diary..

Well we get knocked down..but we get up again....Here we go..

Takecare.. will keep you updated on my progress..

(4 days gamblefree today)

Londonbloke

Im not sure you realise just how inspirational you are on this forum.people admire your strength like you say you get knocked down but you get up again and that song just about sums you up m8.Never ready to give up.Of course you have times when you feel is it worth it,but eventually you start the fight again.

By the way kid i dont think the last 17 months have been wasted.Its a learning curve and you have learnt a lot.Im glad you are posting again,its been great working along side you these last 17 months and i hope it continues as do so many others.All the best kid Jeff.

Hello Lb... good to see you back posting. I also went back and had a fight with the slots.. lost of course!

Keep fighting the good fight as I do the same.. regards.. S.A

Hi Diary

Well another day has passed and today i begin day 9 without a gamble..

Things if i'm honest are not that good at the moment got lots of grief to deal with, all of course caused by me blowing everything i had a week and a half ago including the rent money, loan repayments money etc..etc.. added too with all the stress from work which i just don't need..

But hey picking up the pieces and dealing with the fallout after another slip is what we have all had to deal with at some time or another. I myself have become so used to it that it has sort of become a routine nowdays.. Which is not good..

But thats all now in the past, this is the last time i'm going to have to get myself out of this hole that i now find myself in, because i've reached the stage where i can't do this any longer..enough is enough....

Yep anyone who has read bits or all of my diary will prob think ..yeah yeah...and i don't blame you for that because its only the truth, my record ain't good i'm the first to admit that.. But thats in the past now and this is a new start so onwards i go..

So am trying to keep meself thinking positive although inside i'm hurting badly..

But i've got my 9 days and as each day adds up , it gets that little bit easier..

So just 1 day at a time at present and today i will not gamble..

Takecare everyone..

ps..thanks S.A and jeff for your kind words

Hi Blokey, i've not forgotten or given up on you fella. It's really good to have you back posting. We are here for you. Russ

Hi LB we just want to say what a insparational bloke you are.We are new to these diaries but your story and your honesty and determination are a credit to you and a great means of support for us.So keep up the good work and let us know how you are getting on.Best wishes Jayne and Chris

Hi Diary

Today is the start of day 12..

Nothing else to report really, i'm just knuckling down and getting on with it..Work, work and more work and while i'm working i'm not thinking about anything to do with gambling and that has to be a good thing.

Keep strong everyone and have a great day..

Thanks russ and chris and jayne for your posts.

Takecare..