lost the plot..

Thanks Jeff

Hope you and everyone else had a good Xmas..

Well this is it..A New year..

Good bloody riddance to 2011 yet another year to throw on the wasted pile. Off it goes to join all the others..(what a waste)..

I've now signed up to GTs 2012 gamblefree group..I Intend to keep to this. I want to change my life..I can and will change my life, many of you on here are living proof of that.

Heres to a VERY HAPPY AND GAMBLEFREE NEW YEAR TO US ALL..

All the very best..

Hi LB. Good to see you posting here. I'm back after a disasterous year of losses too.

Good luck in staying gamble free and all the best for 2012

Simon

Hi Lb... good to see you back and in such a positive frame of mind. Ive also joined Gt's 2012 non-gambling group. Strength in numbers eh... all the best matey... S.A

Hi LB.Great to hear from you again.Your posts were one of the first ones we read when we started our own recovery diaries and we think of you alot.Keep strong and keep posting and let us know how you are doing.All the very best for 2012.Take care Chris and Jayne x

Day 3 of 2012 and a week now since i last gambled (which was the 27th Dec)..

Got a day off work today and the important thing about it is this ..I've got to keep myself busy..

Got plenty of things to do around the flat but after the stresses from work its always been oh so easy to just say sod it and pop 2 mins round the corner to 1 of the arcades and hit a £500 machine..And of course blow everything that i have left..

Well it ain't going to be like that today..

Because i've finished with all of that..

I will no longer work all the hours that i can get to only go throw it all away in some robbing b*****d machine...

I'm gonna do other things like clean the cooker, scrub the kitchen floor, all them other really exciting things that don't involve flashing lights and spinning reels, things that "normal" people do.

Yep i'm done with it, i'm NOT GOING BACK..

Many times after work if i'm off the next day i would be in 1 of them arcades right now (got three 24 hour arcades 5mins walk from my front door) doing what money i have had on me. Often not even bothering to go home and change out of my work clothes, just straight in and at it..Then popping out the door every 10 mins leaving the machine on autoplay without even watching it as i'd be smoking almost non stop, always smoked 3 or 4 times as many cigs when i was gambling

Well them days have gone..

Yep decent nights sleep for me tonight, not me getting home at 7 or 8 am all stressed out even more because i've got nothing left even for basic food or the key meter.

NO. I'm done with it

7 Days today, just 7 little days. I know the worst is yet to come but i'm ready and focused..

Thanks Simon, S.A and chris/Jayne for your replies..

Keep strong everyone and have a great gamblefree day.

Takecare

Yo LB and all the best to 2012 to you to.

Despite keeping away from these diary's have still tracked your progress, more so on the g-r-asp site.

Think we're pretty similar that we appear to be papering over the cracks. What do normal people do? Apart from our constant battle in beating this shxte, what changes to life in general have we done? Well the answer for me is f/a!! Just by the no gambling, will that make us deluded enough to think every thing is going to be rosy, nah not at all!

No answer here pal but lets make that small step together, no gambling or drinking for atleast January. Clear up the head and make up a todo list for us. Go from there

I think at the turn of a year many of us reassess where we are and where we want to be. December seems to be the time of year when I feel that I must change my ways. I am yet to mange to get through a full year without falling away at least a little. Lets hope that this year both of us can really change for the better.

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP

When you think about it we can never ever beat the machines mate.

All the best

Stumper

good to see you back posting "blokey".

Small steps odaat and get that pay packet sorted oot !!!

lets make this your year mate.

best wishes,

you can do it.

W.P

Hello LB and fellow cg, drinker, smoker, nightowl and possibly all round confused fellow!

Have to admit very close in falling of the wagon with either my love of drink or doob. 6th night now and know will be lucky if I catch my 2 hours sleep!

Not deluded ( enough ) to realize that this lack of sleep is a bit down to my dry horrors with the body wondering w*f is going on with its lack of one or the other.

To be honest though despite being absolutlely foooked and also the knowledge i'm only 12ft away from getting 1 or the other, i'm more determined than ever to get through this complete abstinence of these particular 2 vices.

This though has made me think that there possibly going hand in hand with my gambling S***e and my reluctance to move on in life. Will report back on this particular experiment.

Stay good bud and aslways willing you on. We'll crxck this, no doubt about it.

exmug

Thanks for your replies pauls, stumper and wp

Day 15

More determined now than i ever was to finally move on with my life without gambling playing any part in it..

As the days begin to add up, i get more and more determined to beat this ..

Am throwing myself into work, doing all the overtime i can get to fill up my time as that has always been a big problem with me..

I get bored very quickly so at least by being at work i don't have the option to gamble and it takes my mind off it altogether.

Thats pretty much my life at the moment, work and sleep. But its helping me get through these very early days and thats all that matters..

Am looking to have a break some time in Feb as i have holiday from 2011 to use up but for now i'm just gonna continue as i am..

So onwards i go..

Today i will not gamble

Hope everyone else stays strong too

Takecare

Hello m8

Its great to see you putting 100% into this.

Go easy on the work kid.Dont burn yourself out ,but in the same breath do whatever it takes to keep you busy.Great work .All the best Jeff.

It is good to see you posting again. I think your diary is one of the best and most heart-felt on here. I read all of it last year and was genuinely moved by a lot of the content.

Good luck with your on-going recovery!

Thanks Jeff and pellekanin for your support

Day 23

Feeling good.. Just taking things a day at a time but as they begin to add up it gives me extra determination to NEVER go back to my previous ways..

I know the worse is yet to come and sooner rather than later the urges are gonna hit.

Days off work are always a problem for me and i now have 2 days off work after working almost non stop since the end of Dec 2011..

But i'm ready and focussed, am going to keep myself as busy as possible to fill up my free time..I've got plenty of things to do at home so i have no excuses...

I can beat this..I will beat this..I am beating this..

I am not going back..

Keep strong everyone

Takecare

YO Top man and honoured to say 1 of my biggest cyber faceless buddies on these diarys!

To true blue, a word for today..... Focus

Riddle and out, enjoy your days of

ex-mug-0

Jaysus you have been through the wringer havn't

you ? I read your diary going back to 2009. I am a year and a bit off that cr** (and the streets) too. Blowing everything and not having milk in the gaff is horrible. Even when you win its only a 24 hour loan you give back with 200% intrest !. Keep it up, you are doing great. Keep your flat clean, keep your larders full, change the bedclothes regurarly, shower every day.

These little chores kept me sane and it was lovely to open the door to a clean flat and jump into a clean bed and have the price of whatever you needed in the supermarket.

If you can hack it go to GA, post on here, read posts, get fit, anything to jolt you out of that hell and back to a balanced calm happy life.

I never thought I would get to here as I am fighting addiction on 3 fronts but I do it in bite size pieces and I only worry about today.I will deal with tomorrow in the morning. I can say that today I am content and the things I have gotten back in the last year would blow your mind....Just by stopping.

Its there for you too so go ahead and take back your life. Stay strong,

Mark