lost the plot..

Hey Londonbloke

Great last post from Mark.Some very wise words .Its great to see you going strong kid.Your time is here m8 and you must feel good

.Keep it going Londonbloke.All the best Jeff.

Like everyone else has said, it is so good to see you back and going very strong. I can clearly remember when you posted some very dark posts on your diary which makes it even more heartening to see you feeling good and normal.

Keep it up mate, and let's see out 2012 still on the 2012 gamble-free thread together!

GT

Hi londonbloke,

Just wanted to drop you a line and say that your diary has been a great help for me this past week. You have a real gift in that you write honestly, and lets be real here, honesty isn't always the best trait for us gamblers. It is tough to read but when I have been feeling low and thought about gambling, reading your diary about when you lose brings it all into focus and I realise that I don't want that feeling.

Thanks for this, it has helped me a lot.

I really hope you keep fighting the good fight and believe you will get there.

Thanks everyone for your supportive posts.

Had a rare 2 days off work these past couple of days.I have always found days off to be a "gambling binge" waiting to happen as i get bored and restless very quickly.

But have kept myself busy these past 2 days doing odd jobs at home and a bit of food shopping..I actually walked to Hammersmith to get my bit of shopping instead of going 2 mins round the corner where i have all the shops on my doorstep to get some excercise and also to past some time..Quite enjoyed the walk there and back too..

Have had a few quid in my pocket, from tips made from the past couple of week at work.

Its not a fortune,but for me its quite a bit more than i usually have at this time of the month yet i still for some reason shop like i only have 2 quid to last me a week..

Maybe i should change my name to Scrooge!!!

I know that its the result of me not gambling that i have that extra few quid in my pocket and i also know that i'm shopping like Scrooge because i've done it that way for so so long that its become the norm...

I never wanted to spend money on anything when gambling, as i always, in my head needed that few quid to chase my gambling losses..

I'll get used to it as time goes by, like i'll have too with so many other things, i guess it can be likened to starting your life all over again, learning to live a normal life and all that..

So feeling good, back at work tomorrow, am working pretty much all the way through till the first week of febuary (couple of days overtime thrown in) then i'm off for a while, taking some holiday that i'm still owed from 2011. I did ask work if i could get the extra money instead of taking the holiday days owed but they don't do that where i work..

Anyway its day 24 almost passed now..

Today i have not gambled

And tomorrow i won't either..

Have a great gamblefree weekend everyone

Stay safe, keep strong and enjoy..

Takecare

Hey Lb... doing just fine by the looks of it.

I know what you mean about being Scrooge when the Cg head is switched to ON. Am just the same. Feed a £20 into a machine every 5 mins but struggle to buy bread and milk.

Ive been offered more work to.. and am gonna take it even though i get stressed out sometimes. I want to get to a better place financially and like you say it fills the void and structures the week and helps to not gamble. Treat yourself at some point though matey.. its important, cos otherwise if it just feels like work work work then eventually.. well ya know.

Stay focussed as i endeavout to do the same.. S.A

I agree with SA. Yes, these recovery journeys of ours means that we all have to be very careful with money and as long we keep away from those gambling hell-holes, we are very good at this.

Take a look at my other thread in the Overcoming problem gambling section - there are some good money saving tips there.

BUT... It's also very important to treat ourselves a little every now and then.

Make sure you do!

GT

Hello Sir LB!

Will echo GT there, treat yourself bud!

Realized 1 of my triggers, throwing my self into work, tiring my mind and ultimately getting my 'f***k it, f**k everything' head on!

4weeks and your walking the walk.

Fantastic

Blokey, nice to see your name back up on the boards. 4 weeks is a tremendous effort. Remember your triggers....pay day, time off. Have a strategy in place to get yourself through. The more often you do it the easier it will become. We all get there in the end. This is your time. Take care. Russ

Hi LB.Great news at being 4 weeks gamble free.Your posts as we have said before have been an insparation to us as well as a deterrent to prevent us from gambling.It,s nice to do normal things isn't it? Long may it last.Nice to hear from you again LB we are really pleased you are doing so well.Keep it up and Thanks for letting us know how you are.We look forward to hearing from you soon.All the best LB.Chris and Jayne x

Thankyou S.A, GT, Pauls, Russ and chris and Jayne for your posts and support..

30 days today..

I've been paid my wages as i get mine on the 25th..

Being honest i have had some serious gambling urges at work today knowing that my wages would be in the bank..

After a while, when you have been doing the same old thing month after month it becomes the norm, its a bit like you are on autopilot. Nothing else matters except you and the machine...

Yep everything revolved around payday..Payday changed me as a person.. I came alive.. I finally again had money. i could now go and win back last months wages couldn't i...Yep this time around i was going to be a winner..

WELL WHAT A COMPLETE LOAD OF B*******..

Usually i would rush home as fast as i could, stopping at the cashpoint on route and be straight in front of a £500 jackpot machine in 1 of the 24 hour arcades on my doorstep going at it like the devil possessed, trying to put the notes in faster than the machine could accept them, then getting angry when it spewed them out .. Still in my work clothes, popping outside every 10 mins to get a quick smoke but not overdoing it though cos couldn't stay away from the machine for too long..

Well not tonight i ain't..

I did pick up a case of larger( yep a case )..lol

Ain't had a drink for a good while now so thought sod it, go on treat yourself, so i did..

Am working tomorrow but not till 4pm so can afford to sink a few which i'm doing as i write this update..

I'm going to wake up in the morning and know that ALL my wages are still intact in the bank..

( It won't be there long, i've got dd's and loan repayments and various other things to come out) but i'm gonna feel on top of the world just knowing that its still there..

THEY ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER PENNY FROM ME..

So day 30 ..

Today i will not gamble..

(lovely way to finish the night)

I'm gonna drain this last can and finish my roll up and thats me..

Keep strong everyone

Takecare

Sounds great to me, you deserve this treat.

After all, life would be boring without those little treats won't it?!

As long as those treats are the right ones. Trust me, you'll wake up tomorrow feeling relieved that you treated yourself in the right way.

Onwards and upwards.

GT

42 days clean today..

urges are fast and furious and in my face every second especially these past 2 weeks..

ain't yet been to bed am celebrating with a drink or 2 ..

On my hols so can sleep all day, got nothing else to do now have i ..!!!

6 weeks very well done "blokey" 🙂

fight them urges mate. Dont let them get the better of ye !

50 days clean today

Massive thanks to everyone on here that has posted on my diary since i started it. Also a special Thank-you to GT for starting his 2012 thread as that has giving me that little bit of extra determination to start on the road to a new me..

To those who think that theres no hope for them, i've been there and i'm now beginning to turn this all around..You too can do it..

Don't ever stop trying to give up..

Tomorrow will be day 51 but its also my day one all over again..

Nice and steady, just one at a time..

Takecare

Congratulations on reaching Day 50! Is this the most consecutive gamble-free days you have had since you started your diary? Keep up the good work.