lost the plot..

A huge well done on reaching 50 days, 2012 really is starting well for you.

The 2012 gamble-free thread seems to be helping us both and long may this continue.

But hey, one day at a time eh?!

GT

LB, Top man..

Been keeping an eye on you and willing you on via our gamcare neighbours.

f*****g Fantastic LB, this is a good walk we're on, continue on the straight and beware of any 'No 'Exit' signs....

Strength and Honour....

Exmug

Well done Lb... keep going.. your doing great.. keep safe... S.A

Well done Londonbloke! You're ahead of me. My last gamble was 23 Jan. I'm sure you can keep going now and keep in front.

All the best

Simon

Hey LB

2012 is your year m8.A huge congratulations on the half century kid.Stay strong Jeff.

Just wondered how things were going. Any chance of an update? I hope all is well.

C'mon LB, check in again - we are willing you to beat this and everyone who has read this thread cannot fail to have been moved with your story. One we can all identify with.

Take care mate!

Hi Diary

Just got home from work. Done a earlier shift today which i didn't mind and i'm now off until Wed.

Each and every day as soon as i get home from work (normally in the early hours) i do the same old routine. I made a cuppa and roll meself a smoke and i have a little read of these diaries.

Its kinda like a tradition nowdays..

I don't say a lot anymore, i sometimes feel what with my track record that i'm the last person to be offering people advice so i just read and read as i quietly go about my own little battle trying to finally beat all this gambling cr** that has dominated the best part of my life.

But now and again a post will appear on my diary asking how i'm doing, how about an update etc and i feel like a complete t******* and very very selfish for not saying or posting anything..

Its quite a humbling thing as i know each and everyone of us are all going through exactly the same problems at the end of the day..

Some of us are doing better than others, some of us are struggling like hell but we've all been at that same place and we all understand when we read a post just what that person is going through as we've all been there..

I think what i'm trying to say is when you pop in to have a read of these diaries and you see someone asking you how are things going.. It gives you a massive boost, it really does..Well it does me..

So thanks Pellekanin and seenthelight. Heres whats been happening..

And apologies pauls, GT, S.A, Simon and jeff for not updating sooner..(I've always been here, just not said a word)..

Today i have again reached day 40 without a gamble..

Day 40 ment more to me than Easter, pretty sad stuff really ain't it but thats the truth.

I messed up big time back at the end of Febuary and i was seriously gutted that i had to take myself off GTs 2012 thread, especially when i seemed to be coasting along and enjoying the longest gamblefree spell for me in many years. That thread along with everyone else on that list was really giving me that extra determination.

Then i go and do it all over again and ruin everything....

That relapse knocked the bloody stuffing out of me, it really did..

Since the 28th of Febuary i've again thrown myself into work and in march i worked more overtime than i ever did previously, all i did was work, work work..

When i got my payslip on the 23rd March to me it was just numbers. It ment nothing. I've blown a months wages in days, even hours when i used to gamble on-line on the slots like many of us on here.. But i have used that extra cash to get back up to date with the payments that i missed in Febuary and i'm now back on track..(Still up to my eyes in it but every payment that needed to be made, has been made)

I've also done something that many on here and even more people on another site kept telling me to do and yet i never did. I FINALLY SELF EXCLUDED MYSELF from the 6 closest arcades to me... 3 of these are less than a 5 min walk from my front door and open 24 hours..It took me all this bloody time to finally realise that until i did this ...Well i never stood a chance..

Anyway its done, i'm banned from the lot of em and at the time of doing that i felt relief and a huge weight off of my mind.. Of course 3 weeks after the event with my next payday approaching i was having a battle within my head saying why did you go and do that..

But i got through them days, as i hope too the many others that keep popping up here and there..

I can't just walk in to any of them any more, i'm told to leave..lol..All the money i've given these people over these many years and they have to now ask me to leave.....I BET THAT HURTS THEM..cos it was almost all or nothing with me, i'd go drop the lot, just keep on and on, back and forwards to the bank sometimes sitting on the same machine for 2/3 days till it was all gone.

2 grand in a machine trying to hit the 500 jackpot..Unreal..

So thats it..this is where i am at now..

On it goes, 40 days in (Actually 41 now, cos its gone midnight)..

Just want to say this..Eug, Smokes, Gee Anne, anyone from "the other side" if you read this... You were all bang on about the excluding bit..I should of done it a long time ago..Me being the complete idiot and ignoring all your advice caused me a whole lot more grief..Just wanted to say thanks..Cos i closed my account down in a drunken session and rage one night feeling angry and sorry for myself...

Hope all is well..

Takecare everyone, enjoy the bank holiday..

ps..gonna get back in a posting mode..it feels good to write how i feel again..

Well done mate on your 40 plus days.. you got straight back on with recovery after your relapse AND youve got yourself excluded from 6 of them hell holes.. first class that man!

I always enjoying reading your posts.. keep em coming.. they are open, honest and inspiring. Onwards.. S.A 🙂

Well done

The only way to win is to quit.

just read your post and is exacatly what i have been doing but now i want to reverse that win win win by quitting roulette thanks it drives it home that i am not going claw back much but will continue to lost lost lost if i do not take actio0n and quit quit quit THANX A LOT frank 61

Thanks S.A, Mike and Frank for your replies..

Had a couple of days off work and am back in later today..

Enjoyed my mini break, its the first 2 days off back to back that i've had for some time.

But i did get a little bored earlier today and popped out for a little walk..

I went into 2 bookies that face each other a couple of mins walk from my place and gave em a photo and asked to be self excluded.

Now i can't remember the last time i even went into either of these places as the arcades where i have always gambled are 2 mins further along the same road. So i would walk past these shops to get to where i wanted to go..

But i have on many occasions previously gambled on the machines in there, including roulette which wasn't my thing at all but it still gave me my fix and robbed me blind..

So here i was stuck for something to do earlier and thats what i ended up doing..Actually i'm a lying git.. The truth here is that i found 2 more photos among a pile of papers while having a tidy up and i thought ..what can i do with them..

Feels good though, really does..

Arcades blocked and banned and am starting on the bookies..Will do a few more locally when i get a few more photos done and have some more time off..

Why leave myself that option to gamble on my doorstep, even if its not really been my thing..

Obviously i can't self exclude from them all, i can be in the west end in 15 mins so have 100's all around but i can do all the ones locally and thats what i'm gonna do..

Watched part 3 of the syndicate on TV last night.. I saw the other 2 episodes just by chance while i was looking for motd on bbc i player a few days back and really got into it..

I have missed just sitting down and watching a good film or a decent programme like that, i really have..And that Timothy Spall is always fantastic..I remember him in the street a few years back, i had all the DVD's but pawned them all for money to gamble.

Yep its nice to just be enjoying the "normal" things again..

Takecare

Hi Lb.. glad your enjoying some normalness.. so much more satisfying than the alternative.

I relate to all you say about the self-exclusions. I am banned from the arcades that i need to be banned from.. but like you say, if we really wanted to gamble we would.. but we don't so we won't.

Self-exclusion works well for me.. cos unless am drunk i'd never dream of going into some place and run the risk of being asked to leave (partucularly if i'd just got a win). If drunk it all goes out the window and i don't care.. so's i have to be careful if going out on the town and all that.

Always having some passport sized photos in the back pocket would be the ideal. Even better would be the hell holes actually making available the facility to take the punter photo on premises.. Of course so few do cos they don't really want to exclude folk that want to be excluded.

Anyway glad that things are ok with you matey. keep posting your updates when the moment feels right and especially if you NEED to.. ie are tempted to gamble. Cheers... S.A 🙂

i just cant understand wht it is so difff t to avoid bookies think for a moment the obsiticles you have to place a bet through the door paying slips or coins through the slots you actually see your money go down the tubes this is a nightmare stop flushing whereas in my condition online it is painless to get through thousands but reality kicks in when the paper works lands on the doormat and the wife says wat are these invoices for gob smack i lie still lieing should be dead easy to walk past these awful places an insider once said they take more money now on the slots other than betting slips lets all stay away and the only way to win is to quit now

frank

Thanks S.A and frank for your replies..

Just been having a browse of the diaries with me cuppa and roll up after work as per usual..

Had a good day today and work went well which is always a good thing.

I many times in the past have often blamed my gambling on me having a rough stressful day at work when everything seemed to be going t**s up.. To me gambling has always been my escape from it all..

But in reality thats all just excuses..I remember a long time ago missing the last tube home and having to get 2 night buses and the second bus stop was right outside an amusment arcade at victoria.. Of course in i went blew every penny i had on me and after a couple of hours i went home with nothing and i blamed the whole thing on london Underground.If that train had been 2 mins late i would of got it and not done what i just did. Just another excuse, one of 1000's..Yep its true to say i've blamed almost everyone and everything for my problem over the years, when at the end of it all its all been down to me and me alone..

Frank, I've never really been one to gamble in the bookies.. On-line i blew 1000's, done much more in the arcades but now and again i would go in the bookies usually when i was so far gone and lost in the haze that is gambling.. When you no longer care what it is you are betting on or what the outcome is..

But the way i see it is, why leave that opportunity to go and gamble open when i've blocked all the others..

Right i'm gonna do a bite to eat and watch an hour of telly

Day 44

Takecare All

Keep safe, keep strong