lost the plot..

Great positive post - hope others read it. You are doing well and good luck.

Ditto sentiments to this post, the way gambling does your head is key to remembering why I have quit....along with the financial black hole I am trying to climb out of. Congrats on your count of days GF, have a great weekend S:)

Hi Lb and great post :))

Perhaps it's the Dopamine rush of your team winning ? You'd have have got the same rush from playing the slots so in a way your brain's just had some and want's some more of that old feeling again and as we all know Old habit's die hard ? .

The thing is distinguishing between the rush of genuine pleasure and enjoying that moment and the rush of a few reckless moments that cause us lasting pain :((.

Your doing so well with your gamble free day's now , so I'm sure the High you'll experience this morning when you wake and realise you still have your £90 safely tucked away will far outway the sense of regret and loss you'd have felt had you given in to thise feelings :)).

Stay safe and well my friend :))

Thankyou S.A, gamparentanon, sharon41 and Alan 135 for all your very kind words and support...It means a great deal.. thankyou....

Its now over 2 months since i last pressed that "flashing" start button.. I can't believe its 2 months already.. The time has just flown by....It actually made me think about all the thousands of times i've spent hours and hours of my life sitting on a stool in some arcade somewhere or in front of my computer screen just pressing "that" button and sometimes even praying under my breath "please drop it in now and i'll never do it again"...seriously i used to be doing and saying things like that ..

It all makes me think sometimes just what a wasted life i have led....I'm not talking just about the money side of things..but the years lost, the relationships ruined, the good jobs lost, the social exclusion blackhole all because i preferred to be playing a slot machine rather than enjoying myself or just getting on with my life like any other normal person would do..Sometimes it all just makes me feel very sad...I dunno

The urges are coming thick and fast...Sometimes i'm at odds with myself ..Its like i'm trying to convience myself that my lifes such a bloody mess anyway whats it really matter if i do or don't go somewhere and play and try have a couple hours of fun...But then 10 minutes later i'm thinking about all the days now that i've managed to go without doing it and then i think of all the 100's of times previously that i've tried to stop and have for stopped for a week or a month or 50 days or even longer and i say to myself why go back to all that now??... Next minute i'm thinking if you want to go, just go and do it , put yourself out of your misery or self pity c**P or whatever.. ...My heads a bit all over the place at the moment...Like a battle within or something..

Just urges i know ....If nothing changes then nothing will change...plain and simple

The good thing is i'm here writing something down and while i'm doing that i don't want to go anywhere...

Its another early morning here now( i can never sleep ,even with pills) Watched the football again last night and enjoyed it as always ...

Anyway enough of my rambling/feeling sorry for myself c**P tonight....

Takecare

62 days today

Hey, I am almost a mirror of this post. I have just worked out how long it will take me to get back on an even keel, it ain't pretty! But as long as we stay GF and bat off those urges what else is there to do? I think being eaten up by regret is natural as decent human beings but hopefully one day in the future we can look back on this and treat it as a mistake, granted in my case I consider it THE biggest mistake ever. So take heart, you're not alone and will row this boat slowly to a GF future.Take care S 🙂

Well done Londonbloke.

Like you said in an earlier post, I agree that it's a good way to remind ourselves that all our bills are being payed again, so no reminder letters/phone call, which we all know, the stress they cause. Having a fridge/freezer full is another one that also reminds me how better it is not to gamble. I often just take a look in my cupboard and fridge, just to remind myself that this is me just leading a "normal" life again. Again what you said about the things you "need". There are so many people wanting so much these days - and really still are not happy. If we really think about what our most basic needs are, it really doesn't amount to much at all. Again, when I find things are a little tight (and by Jove, I have been there on several occasions), I just try to remind myself that I have all the things that I really need and for now, that's all that matters.

You are doing all the right things so far and you are reaping the benefits from this. Keep going and yes you will get urges and thoughts about gambling but thoughts they are and that's ok. As long as you don't act on those thoughts in a negative way.

Take care and continue with your great progress so far.

Our Lady

Its been a while since my last post...

Feeling c**P this last week or so ...Am asking lots of questions of myself that i don't have any answers too..

We even lost the football earlier but the better team won..they deserved it...

73 days today without a gamble ....but i'm this close to just saying f**k it ..and getting on a bus and going somewhere to just press that flashing button...

Feeling sorry for myself big time right now...

i dunno...at least i've come here and posted something instead of just putting my shoes on...maybe i'll just pour myself another drink and just pretend that i'm happy...even if i'm not..

73 days

Hang on in there LB, we're both at a similar stage and especially this week I have been more up and down than a yoyo. Early in the week I couldn't stop beating myself up mentally about the money I have thrown away, where my life could be now etc, But whats done is done and all I can do is stay GF and slowly pay back my debts. The only way I can make things worse is to gamble. I'm not preaching but am guilty of thinking f*** it I'm in this deep another whatever amount won't matter but it does because it'S the decision we make not to gamble which will make a difference. Anyway blurb over (sorry!) and enjoy that other drink and hope you wake up tomorrow feeling chuffed that you didn't gamble. Enjoy the rest of the weekend take care S 🙂

Couple of weeks now since my last post...

Thankyou again Sharon41 and Our lady for your support ...means a lot so thankyou...

Had a c**P couple of weeks ...been struggling with various things ...But on a good note i've not gone and gambled so maybe its not quite as bad as it could of been ....

Gambling has always been my way out of everything...my escape from all the everyday life stuff that i struggle with...its always been my go to thing when i say to myself f**k it because i'm so far past it that i just no longer care and wanna go do something where i'm at least happy......yep its a pretty messed up way to live ain't it?......

But as it is i'm now on day 87 without any gambling...

I now actually have a few quid still in my bank and food in my fridge and stuff in the cupboards and all the bils i need to pay are all up to date....so what now ?..

Been tempted to go try my luck ...really have ...

urges urges urges.....why the f**k would i even think about throwing away 3 months ..

it messes with your head ....really does....I admit i'm drinking a lot more since my last gamble ...replacing one with the other maybe but in my head because i'm over thinking everything nowdays i look at it as at least i can only drink so much before i pass out....if i was gambling i would play everything i could get my hands on ...

87 days ....just numbers blowing about in the breeze ...

As much as i want to ..instead i'm gonna read for a while on here ...

Sorry to hear you've had a had a rough couple of weeks, your post mirrors to be fair, maybe because we are at the same stage? I almost feel I have replaced gambling with gamcare!! Also last Saturday I had the most awful hangover and convinced myself it was a punishment for the mess I've got myself in.... haven't drunk since it was that bad.Like you say gambling is fantasy land, what if, if I win that but even if you win big you lose anyway because it all goes straight back on, I remember being huge amounts up several times only to not be able to stop and come crashing down. The feelings after these situations remind me to not even go there Stick with it and we will get there, take care of yourself S 🙂 x

Thanks again sharon41 for your post .

yep i understand exactly what you just said in your last post...i remember one night after work just depositing £100 and after a decent spell and building my balance up to a few hundred i upped it to the max on thunderstruck 2 at £15 quid a spin and i hit a bonus....I got almost 4 grand from that bonus . thats still up to this present day the biggest win i've ever hit on a slot machine ...but did i cash out that night....of course not ..it all went back ...

Would i have stopped if i reached 10 grand? or 20 grand?...when is enough really enough???..

To me of course i wanted to win ..thats why i'm playing but it was the buzz of doing it and the uncertainly and the not knowing ..that was the draw with me...

Now i'm sitting here with a fraction of the money i used to have yet i have a few quid now sitting in the bank and i still have them urges to once again go and play the slots .... i don't think i'll ever shake of that feeling..instead i'll just try take it a day at a time..

day 88 ....

Can't sleep as per usual so just been having a read of the forum...

Feel pretty good at the moment maybe because yesterday i finally rang my ISP people up and after haggling with them i got a third off my monthly bill as i've not had any contract with them for quite a few years ..I had to sign a new 12 month contract with them, but i'm happy with the deal i got even though i never normally like to be tied up in contracts and stuff, anyway i actually had that "i won" feeling ...Not quite the same buzz as a win on the slots or anything but it felt like something along them same lines...

I'm also going to go buy some paint this weekend just the cheap wilko stuff and tidy the place up a bit..because in all fairness it could do with a fresh coat....

To be honest i dunno whats come over me .I've been pottering about doing odd bits and pieces here and there for a few weeks now...

..I guess i've got pretty used to not bothering about a lot of these normal everyday things that most people just deal with....I'm not and never have beeen an unorganised or untidy person, what very little i have is always neat and tidy and everything has its place ..i know where everything is etc..etc..(i'm also one of them that has all the labels facing the same way with everything in my cupboards)..hahaha...

But i do smoke and a few days ago i noticed that the white ceilings have over many years kinda turned yellow without me really even noticing it...I've just never giving it a seconds thought previously...Paint then was the last thing on my mind ..I think i'm now just looking for different things to take my mind of playing and to also fill some of that time....I'm not saying that any of this is directly due to me not gambling but then again maybe it is ...i dunno...Anyway i'm ranting on here about nothing...

Since i last played the slots i've been taking things just a day at a time but you know what.... i'm pretty certain i'm not going to gamble this weekend as i have a load of painting to do....

93 days today

Hi LB, first of all 93 days....Amazing! !! I think when we are caught up in gambling we neglect ourselves and surroundings a little financially and time wise. I live in a rented house and haven't put much effort into it because a) feeding money to gambling and oh b) giving too much time to gambling 🙁 So I'm making small steps to making it nice. We need to be kind to ourselves and comfortable surrounds helps. Great to see your post and take care S 🙂

A correction to your last post if you don't mind. But...... Your not ranting about nothing, your rambling about normal everyday life with out the loose round ones neck.... Fantastic

Many thanks Sharon41 and volcano for your kind words...

Its been just over a week since my last post and i'm chuffed to be able to say i am now on day 101 without any gambling whatsoever...Where the hell the days went ? god only knows ..Time seems to just fly in the blink of an eye....

Strangely enough on my day 1, i wrote down on a scrap piece of paper the date and a little message just saying that this is my first day without a bet and i put that little note somewhere where i would see it first thing every day when i woke up...Its still there now in that exact same place and still the first thing i see each and every day...Just a few words written down on a piece of paper ..how mad is that...

I still get the urges and i admit i miss that "high" especially when i'm having days when other things in my life are all falling apart...Its the usual thing ...just want to forget all the other c**P just for a while and go have some "so called fun" etc...etc.....But i've resisted up to now and as i've added day upon day i've kept saying to myself don't go blow all that good work now so i just go find something, anything... to fill that time and take my mind off the gambling thoughts...

Been doing quite a bit of painting over the last week ...Am almost done just a door, the skirting boards and a ceiling left to do but i've now run out of paint so will need to go get some more but am giving it a miss this weekend..But its helped fill up some of that spare time and its also a nice feeling knowing that i have a few quid sitting in the bank now and i can just go out and buy it where as before i would be sitting here broke due to the gambling...yeah it feels pretty good...

So onwards and upwards...lets keep this going...none of this i've passed the 100 day mark so now i can go "treat" myself to a little play, no.....( i do have them kinda thoughts now and again ) ...but as i said before i now go find something else to do ..even if its just cleaning the toilet or something....

Day 1 or 101 days ..each day is the same battle and today i will not gamble

Have a good weekend everyone..