lost the plot..

I was like you. i knew the story would have the same ending but I couldnt stop reading it. You have to be strong to overcome this addiction, incredibly strong in fact and you have to be on your guard because it will sneak in anywhere it can. Any little wavering in our resolve and it will jump on us again.

I've had loads of mega losses and felt just like you. You have to stop for yourself, noone can do it for you but there are loads of us here to help and support you along the way.

Wishing you all the best...Jas x

Hi londonbloke.

Just wanted to add to the above comments and say that there are plenty of people on here reading your story and willing you to find the inner strength to beat this.

As Seano says it would really help if you were denied access to your hard earned money. Have you got someone close who can hold your bank card for you. Have you asked your bank to put a really small daily withdrawal limit on your card? You know how important it is to put barriers in place as shown by the self-exclusion, internet blocking etc.

I hope you manage to turn your life around londonbloke. I really do.

londonbloke...sorry to hear about your lapse....nobody has died so chin up,dust yourself down and start again mate...there are many on here willing you to succeed and you WILL mate...

Hi Londonbloke,

I echo other peoples thoughts. The life your leading in london is very similar to the life I led. I use to work in the Hammersmith area so almost certainly use to gamble in the same aracde(s) that you went into.

My pattern of gambling was much the same to.. blow my money on or soon after pay day.. feel like s**t.. struggle through till almost pay day.. start to feel a little better.. finances stabalised a bit.. but hey ho come pay day am it again with the same result... the cycle continued.

Acceptance is key. I am a gambling addict. I am not able to control my gambling. The only solution is to do what i have to do to stop that next gamble. As you may know I gambled again a couple of weeks ago after many many months off it. However after a couple of days of feeling sorry for myself I took action to ban myself from the aracde I went into and other arcades too. If your a regular visitor to hammersmith.. walk along king street and get your self banned. Also 5 minutes from Ravenscourt park tube is the hammersmith Ga.. get to it.. it might just be that added bit of support that can get you on track. Also as far as i remmber gamcare does face to face counselling at its offices at Londonbridge ( i may be wrong).. could be an option.

All the best.. keep safe.. its down to you.. S.A 🙂

Hi

Just got in from another very stressful day at work. I seem to spend most of the shift in a complete daze just doing what needs to be done, but at least i'm lucky enough to be earning.

Thank you so much 28black, A New Life, seanostars, Jasmine, Curly10, winningpost and S.A for your very kind words of support and encouragement, it means an awful lot just to know that none of us are alone with this..THANK-YOU ALL.

I am off work again this weekend and look forward to catching up with all your diaries. I know i don't reply very often but i do follow and read almost every new thing that appears. Got a bit of catching up to do as well cos its been over a week since i last read anything.

Got another reminder of what i had done Thursday morning. Another letter arrived from the council stating they are seeking a court summons for non payment of council tax.

(So on and on it goes).

I contacted them straight away and have managed to square it with them and bide myself a bit of time but i have got to make a payment of £67 by Monday else its a court date. So needless to say i've been here there and everywhere trying to raise the amount needed, got almost half but i'm hoping i get some good news today on getting the rest together.

Also not sure how much longer i will have internet access because BT are also on my case big time over non payment..

I'm expecting quite a few other letters saying much the same over these next few days..

Its a struggle, really is. Stress, stress and more stress, all my own fault i know.

Why i did it again i still can't understand.

My head is still all over the place, i went from feeling really good to total darkness in a few days.

But i know i have to look forward, as many have said before "whats done is done"

I'm completely shattered so gonna leave this for tonight. I have so much i want to say and get off my chest but for now i need to try and get some sleep (finding just sleeping very difficult at present)

Goodnight all

Takecare, keep fighting

ps.. You know what.....Tomorrow IS going to be a GOOD day

Hi London, just catching up with your diary. I have had slips also the past month and with similar outcomes to yourself e.g none payment of bills which should/ need to be paid. Including the dreaded council tax. But it sounds like you immediatly re-commited yourself to continuing in your recovery ... take heart from that. Do not give up ever! Bills/ finacials can be worked through with time. Trying to quit is stessfull enough in itself, thats somthing Im quickly learning and is only compounded by the strain of finacial worry. Try take a deep breath and pace yourself - one day at a time. You made a slip , your moving on from that. Make Febuary the month when you make what ever payments you can to your creditors even if they are micro payments (as I call em) What your feeling will pass just give yourself some time and try not be to hard on yourself. Keep posting and let us know how your doing. Best thoughts to you Blocked.

Hi LB - have to agree with Blocked - the bills etc will take time to sort out, but eventually you will get there I'm sure of that.

Stay positive, and think of all the good things that are ahead of you without the misery of gambling.

Alan

Hi Londonbloke,

I can only echo the posts of the others,just try to pay your priority debts if possible,and make "micro"offers to the rest of your creditors,i have had more threatening letters and phone calls in the last couple of months than you can shake a stick at!!!,I answer them all politely and explain my circumstances,and that i am in this position because i am a compulsive gambler(they will not ignore that,it is a recognised mental illness),i explain to them that i am making every effort to turn my life around and get into a position to find a way to repay my debts,i also tell them that my local CAB have advised me to petition for bankruptcy,but i am trying to avoid this course of action.....,they usually back off for a while then.

On the gambling front,i don't know your personal circumstances,but i feel that you really need to put every possible block in place to ensure that this time next month you aren't in this position and s**t state of mind again.Keep strong,and keep posting your thoughts.

Seano.

Hi

Just got in from work, have now got the weekend off. I asked if there was any overtime going as an extra days pay would help no end but sadly nothing available.

Had a result today though. Managed to raise the other half of the money i needed for that council tax payment so can and will sort that out at the post office later this morning. One less thing to worry about.

Also i've just found out i've got over 8000 points on my nectar card going back years. I used to always swipe the thing when i was buying shopping but then i switched to another supermarket and forgot all about them. Works out that i can get about 40 quids worth of shopping with them...blimey talk about a godsend. I only checked it when i found the old card in my wallet looking for something today. Checked on-line and 8248 points..(wish it was pounds, but what the heck)..it will sure help see me through as i can at least buy food with em.

I've certainly learnt something from this last slip, and that is that i can't handle my money. Strange really because when i have just a few pound i can just about survive and get by. Yet stick 100 quid in my hand and i'm a danger to myself. So the next step forward as people have mentioned in their replies is getting my cashpoint limit reduced or getting someone to hold my card for me and just give me cash when i really need it.

Its difficult for me because i have no family.

I did have a long term partner after my divorce, together almost 3 years but we drifted apart and finished back in june 2009. So not in a relationship at the moment and as i mentioned before all my close friends gamble in different ways so don't really trust them with my card..

Horrible thing to say really isn't it but its the truth. I know if i had their cards and pins last weekend i would of used them...Thats what this thing has done to me.

But i guess me just thinking already about how i'm going to handle things differently before my next payday is at least a step forward.

Although saying that my wages are spent 10 times over before i've even received them. And if certain things are not paid this month i could well end up losing just about everything. ( Done that once already in my lifetime and it was hell).

This is the last chance i have.

My very last chance..

Thanks BlockedOut, aberdeenlad and seanostars for your coments since i last posted.

Thanks for listening everyone

Takecare

Hi Londonbloke

This is what i appreciate with you kid.

you have certainly gone through some rough times lately,but still manage to find some good points.A lot of people are willing you on Londonbloke. You have made lots of friends on this forum. I know i dont need to say this because you always stay determined nevertheless stay determined lol.All the best kid Jeff.

Hi Londonbloke,

I,m glad that there is some light at the end of the tunnel for you even if its only the size of a pinprick.

You know it amazes me how many times ive seen people like us survive on just a few pounds for sometimes a few weeks until that next payday,there must be a way we can use that survival tactic in a more positive way.

I remember a while back i too used to get a decent amount of money,blow it and then survive the rest of the month on next to nothing,it seems to be a pattern with us CG,s with the combined thought process of "if only i had kept back a hundred" it would have got me through,well FFS!!!!!! i HAD probably ten times the hundred at the start of the day why oh why oh why!!!!!! and of course this was repeated on numerous occasions.

Its only when something clicked in my head that actually i dont HAVE to gamble every time i get paid or have money that i was able to make some real progress and i hope thats what you can do soon.

You see the one thing i have learned over the last 4 years is money can be earned back,debts can be dealt with but TIME will never be replaced so we have to get off the gambling rollercoaster,accept the feelings associated with withdrawing from our addiction and re-learn the true value of money.

Either get busy living or get busy diein,i know which one i,m doing.

Regards,

"" A NEW LIFE ""

Hi Londonbloke,

Thanks for reading and posting on my diary...,i hope all the people who are posting on your diary and supporting you are giving you lots of food for thought,i for one feel that those who have posted have given you some first class advice mate...,i'm very pleased to hear that like me you have realised that it's best that you don't handle your money yourself,hope you can find a way to ensure that happens?....,the other thing that comes across very clearly in your posts is that like many others on this forum you are pretty bright mate.....,be determined and you will get this monkey off your back once and for all.

Best regards,

Seano.

Hi

God it never seems to stop...

I've just got in from work, and low and behold theres yet again another bill waiting for me, to welcome me home.

I sort one out and another takes its place..ARGHHHHHHHH.

All my own fault that i know. Its a harsh reminder of what i have been doing to myself over these past months.

You would think i'm used to it by now, what with the number of bills arriving at my place almost on a daily basis, but its getting to the stage now that i'm beginning to hate my postman (And hes a really nice bloke).

So another one to contact and try and fob off. I sometimes break down what i owe into how many spins that one was. Dunno if that makes sense or not, buts thats what i do. (Don't know if thats a good or bad thing though).

Apart from that, i've had a fairly decent day.

Some time has passed since my slip and i'm feeling better in myself. Works ticking along ok and i'm earning again so thats something.

The weekend was good, didn't do much, just a few bits round the place tidying up etc. Caught up with quite a few diaries on here and the time seemed to fly past and then it was time for work again.

Am working solid now till next Monday so that will keep me busy, am back on late shifts from tomorrow, which i prefer which is good.

Thanks Jeff, ANL and seanostars for your replies.

Time to do some dinner me thinks.

Takecare everyone, keep strong.

Hi Londonbloke,

I,m not a big fan of "cliches" but you know sometimes they do fit and its "you can always sink lower with gambling".

I know how you feel with the bills situation and i guess if i,m honest its gonna last a while longer for you but you and i both know these bills your having to face head on will never go away unless you swallow the bitter pill and deal with them.

They will go away one day IF you keep off the gambling,they cant increase in size if you use your earnings to chip away at them and at least you are working,ive known plenty of peope recently (myself included) who have took a massive drop in earnings and thats a real dangerous time for us CG,s because it makes the thoughts of gambling ourselves out of trouble look even more appealing.

Of course i know and i guess you do too that gambling is the biggest thing that got us into trouble so chin up mate,dig deep,try and stay calm and take it day by day.

I,ve spent months and months not doing very much apart from working and sleeping and yes it can get very montonous but its worth it when the debts have been dealt with.

Thanks for the best wishe's re my job Londonbloke,naturally i'm very pleased!!,us gamblers do get ourselves into an incredible mess don't we!!....,i hope all is well with you and that you are managing to gradually start to unravel your bills and you are talking to the people you owe money to,have you managed to find someone you trust to handle your money?.I would hate to read on your diary that your old "one month" pattern hits you again.Stay strong and determined.

Best Regards,

Seano.