Mortgaging my future.

Day 14

It's good to be building up some 'distance' to the last time I gambled after having a period of struggling to make it more than a few days ( total complacency and lack of commitment were to blame).

I have the opportunity to gamble, but my lifestyle at the moment is so busy that real temptation will be a few months away. That will be the real test. But I will not get complacent, every day is a victory and another brick in the wall against temptation

James

Day 3

Havent posted for a very long time. Its a little shocking to see that I joined over 3 years ago and since then I have to say it has been largely a failure to stay gamble free.

If it wasnt for having a goob job with secure income I would be in a poort situation. I have taken out lots of loans totalling a large sum of money. Credit card are maxed out but ive closed a few down having paid them off so thats not so bad.

This time things truely are different as i have overcome an insane hurdle, my inability to completely 'let go' and self exclude myself from every online casino, the source of 99% of my overall losses.

The reason it has taken me so long to do this I can only put down to an incredibly stupidity on my part that I could someday control this and gamble responsibly.

Einstein said madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome, truely I was mad.

I have never had a serious problem with 'real life' gambling. online is where it always goes out of control, where the money after a while no longer seems real. Well now finally there is literally no way I can gamble online and it feels great. More than the fact that this avenue is no longer accessable, the fact that i did it, the fact that i exluded from these sites to the maximum (5 years) is a great admission to myself and symbolic act. Never again will I be able to use these sites.

I feel fantastic, now I can begin to rebuild the finances again, and for good this time.

Take Care

James

Hi James,

Just read through some of your diary and sorry to hear the position you now find yourself in.

Glad to hear you've excluded from online sites you used however you are sounding like I did 4 years ago. Almost to the day I came clean to my wife that I had £30k of credit card debt. I self excluded from all of the sites I used and we sorted out the debts in the form of remortgaging the house. 6 months later I had started gambling again and just before Christmas I had to admit to almost double the original debts.

The problem with self exclusion only is that there are thousands of sites online now.

My wife now looks after all of our finances, is there someone that can do that for you? I feel so much safer knowing that I'll be found out if I ever try to gamble again. Like you all my gambling was online and it doesn't feel like "real life" gambling as you don't actually see the money. That makes it even more dangerous as like you I ended up chasing loss after loss and it all spiralled out of control.

I am a compulsive gambler and have started attending GA, I will never gamble again as I hit my rock bottom and will never be going back to that place.

Good luck James, but do all you can to block the gambling.

PA

Day 4

Thanks for your great post and for your warning.

I think you make a good point as at the moment I have deluded myself into thinking I have finally put the lid on the box, but in reality I have had false dawns before, and as you say there will always be a new site to tempt me.

I see there that there might be soon a way to self exclude to every site, hopefully that will come sooner rather than later.

I need to be careful what I say as I dont want to send the wrong message or say something in violation of this sites policy, but a big problem for me, having previously quit for over 6 months was that I used to use a system in which I could make a modest profit from gambling without it spiralling into gambling. This is clearly not possible for an addict and now having banned myself from the sites that enabled me to do so, it is like I have finally let go. That particular trigger is now gone.

I hope that the fact that all the 'best' (in my mind) places to gamble online are now all out of reach, that I will be less inclined to ever be tempted to gamble in inferior places, such as slot machines.

I sincerely hope in 3 years time that my abstinence has been more successful than the previous 3 years have been.

I still have a marriage, a career and a decent credit score. I should be thankful for that, it so easily could have been different.

James

Hi James,

Yes I'm sure you'll agree when I say gambling just makes your life s**t. I'm sitting watching the golf right now and have no money on anyone and couldn't give a toss who wins. But I tell you it's so much more relaxing.

I still have my marriage (just) and career but the credit score will be wrecked. But if you were to give me 2 out of the 3 I'd take the 2 I have.

Keep at it mate, one day at a time.

Day 24

I am in a good place with blocks on gambling. Self excusion from all online casinos, sports sites and exchanges.

Its going to be a long year of paying down my debts. I am looking forward to doing so though.

Day 73.

Self exclusion from all sites has been a revolution. More than the physical barrier it has made, it was like psychologically I let go from 'the habit'. I don't doubt I was always be in danger but I feel very positive.

Debts are large but manageable and I am paying off a big chunk every month.