Hey everyone,
I'm hoping this will help me and maybe if other young gamblers are out there they can understand how I've lost three years of my life and it is all due to gambling, I'm hoping this blog will go on for 365 days and in the end I've quit,
I've tried and tried and tried to stop gambling, I really have, 110% committed, 3 months last year from Sept - Dec, no gambling,
27 days last month no gambling, that was actually bought on by a recovery diary written here, so if the inspiration worked that well, then I'm going to actually try and write this up everyday and really stop for real,
So few things about myself, I'm 22, have been addicted to gambling for three years, become self aware of this illness 1 and a half years ago, supportive family, steady job, single, live with parents and addicted to gambling, cannot seem to stop even though I know I need too to move forward, I am extremely frightened of the prospect of reaching 25/30/35/40/50 etc and still throwing money on roulette wheels and whether a goal will be scored in the 80th+ minute,
So what bought this on today, firstly I've just won £80 today, sarcastic YAY, however I was actually £450 up on roulette, and luckily my overdraft would not go further down to allow me to deposit more and the withdrawal can now not be cancelled, today or lets say yesterday I have deposited and bet around 1.2k, money that is wholly the banks, I have 6k worth of debt, around half due to gambling,
I feel unable to control this habit, I have self- excluded from a ridiculous number of website and bookies however there just always seem to be one more willing to take me in, the feeling of winning and losing is hard to match, there is a real thrill I'm sure people here can understand but at the same time you know your sick, I guess its like going on a rollercoaster for the first time and then throwing up, over and over, I really do need help, none of my family know, I guess maybe my friends could guess but still don't really know the impact it is having on my mental state and my finances,
It is a strange thing to say I'm addicted because I still feel in control when I'm gambling and for some reason justify bets whilst playing, every bet is stupid, hands down, bookies wouldn't offer you odds to win on. I know I'm addicted as I know I've spent far too much on gambling and not just money but time too, whether playing, thinking, dreaming, crying, all time best spent elsewhere, gambling occupies my head and thinking more than I would want to admit.
I've read a lot of other journals on here, as a I say it really inspired me to try to stop, so here I am to write my own, I will be honest to this blog and share my real thoughts on gambling, I understand people on here have gone through worse life expierances and have lost a lot more to gambling but I'm worried I'm on the same train, so as I say if you are young and just gambling casually, I'm sure many others on here will concur just stop. full stop. as it can lead to some very damaging and saddening life destinations, looking forward to day one, no gambling tommorrow and hopefully never again, I'm off to bed, cd
Hello cd
Welcome to the forum.
Good to have a long-term goal, stick with it and expect some bumps along the way.
Self-exclusion is good, installing blocking software might be even better.
Utilizing your supportive family would probably be a great help and relief.
I'm what you fear - I've been gambling for over ten years, ended up homeless, no job, in debt without even a bank account. Life in ruins. I had no family; but that wasn't gambling related.
The more debt I got in the more I thought I had to gamble my way out at your age. Letting go of losses and taking positive action over debt is a perennial problem.
Draw a line under it all now.
If someone had told me that at your age no way I would of listened. Now I know the truth - don't learn the hard way like me.
You're in a much better position than I ever was to turn this all around. It can be done.
Keeping busy is crucial. This site can be a productive way to help do that. Free counselling is available, a chatroom (there's a timetable for when it's open), netline and a helpline. Try it all, stick with whatever helps.
Keep reading around the forum and you will read how different people deal with their gambling addiction.
Well done for recognizing your problem at a young age, I wish you well with your project and look forward to following your progress.
Best wishes
Glint
Hi Glint,
Thanks for the supportive words, also sorry to hear your personal situation too, but it's a fight worth fighting no matter what, and there is always a way back, at least I'm hoping so!
Day 1 was clean, had a few thoughts on just putting £120 on black or red too get back where I was before payday, (£500 red in overdraft that is), however told myself that this is serious business and did not do it,
I was up till 5 last night, thinking, worrying and debating with myself how I can actually pull this off,
So I've come up with some aims for this month as I believe the first 30 days for me are going to be crucial and I relapsed last time on the night before my payday, knowing more money was now available so this time, I've come up with some ideas to stop that,
Aim 1 - Ring my bank to decrease my overdraft by £500 once withdrawal from casino is recieved, (£500 less to lose), then ring again on next payday and absolve my overdraft,
Aim 2 - Going to get back into gaming and start working on my fitness again the next month, also doing overtime if available bonus of extra money and also I cannot gamble at work,
Aim 3 - Leave no balance in my bank account, I can spend money on my card, like there is no tommorrow, so I have decided too spend and save solely in cash, that is once my overdraft has been cleared (next payday),
Aim 4 - Self- exclude from online casino once withdrawal is recieved,
Aim 5 - Stay clean for 30 days, build from there.
Any other ideas people have, I'm really willing to listen, I'm happy that quitting has actually got me 'excited' hopefully this is truly some steps in the right direction,
cd night!
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