Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Morning,

You last few post have been very thought provoking.

In a good way I must add.

I too can get frustrated about this site at times. I too stopped posting as I felt this site was bringIng gambling thoughts into my mind.

But here I am today still posting, believing I have found some balance with it all.

Plenty of times I have wanted to write what the f******k, or dismissed a post because I have seen the same one liner posted on half a dozen other diaries , almost as if that person is going through the motions.

I know I am guilty of writing mindless drivel sometimes ,I mean come on the fairy this the fairy that. But I suppose each to there own and who am I to say it should be done this way or another.

I like a debate , but am mindfull that we are all broken and how our self worth is already touching the floor , so try to lift someone's spirits , hoping that they will not take the step we all dread back into a world none of us want to re enter.

These are just my thought , which I am enjoying sharing with you. I like posts that get me thinking , and you did that, in a good way , am I one of the beautiful people , sort of hope so, does this get mixed in with saying mind provoking and positive thing,I hope so too.

But at the end of the day , does it matter, like you said I'm here, I care, I support as much as I am supported.

And sometimes I read , laugh and my day has improved ten fold , cause people like yourself have taken the time to get involved.

You have a good day my friend, keep writing posts like those, cause I really enjoy responding.

Dusty xxxxxxxx

Hi Jon,

I want to be part of the beautiful people gang lol, today im part of the angry gang no idea why, I remember the first day i came on this site and thought at first in a lame way "yeah whatever ill give it a go" For me... it has been the single best thing i did to remain gamble free, it has never been known in my life time for me to go this long without gambling compulsivly, i did have a short period of about 2 years where i gambled but it wasnt all consuming...

I was given some great advive and tons of support, and i quickly took the G.A mentality I took what was relevent and left the rest behind, i was open to ideas (If it worked for them i havent tried that maybe it will work for me) this is all trial and error we dont know the answers if we did we wouldnt be here.

Im forever mindfull that im not an expert but i believe we all have our experiences to share, good bad and ugly, like you said jon we can choose to read it or not. If I help one person or get one "light bulb" moment from whatever i read or post then thats good enough for me.

Im also mindfull that i cant get better sitting in front of a computer forever but i will tackle that when it comes to it.

Now to the beautiful bit lol..... Jon you are a valuable member of this site, you say what you see (I like that) sometimes i wish i could just say what the f**k are you doing but im also mindfull of what happened with cameron over a very innocent post....

Its hard to pull feeling and emotion out of words on a screen but everything i post I mean sometimes its mindless drivell and i waffle but it comes from a good place with the best of intentions.

Thought provoking is always good, at least i can think now instead of being numb from the waist up like i was when i gambled.

Enjoy the rest of your day jon.

Blondie. 🙂

Yo,

Guilty why?

Good person , I know that. It stands out a mile.

I loved that you had the courage and honesty to put down in a post what you felt.

It was not personal, it was just an option that I believe some of us agree with to a certain degree , but have never put it down in a post.

Stay just as you are my friend, different people , different view points , different things happening in people's lives ( I have always been nosey) are why this site gives me something I could not get from GA.

I left GA after 5 months cause I became bored with the same stories over and over again.plus I was the only women, so never quite fitted in.

Anyways always stay true to yourself. Keep posting, cause like I said I enjoy the discussion.

Dusty xxxxx

Hi Jon... I just wanted to thank you for your support. I did read your comments before you deleted them. You said nothing controversial my friend. I was in a "woe is me" frame of mind and i really could do with a kick up the proverbial lol I am in a much better head space today.

I have yet to read your diary but i will probably over the weekend when i have more time. But for now I wish you well in your journey and thanks again for passing through my diary. Regards... S.A

Day: Another one

Just got home, simple tea, pate on toast... still got work to do. No thoughts of gambling till I.... blah blah blah blah.

I have had some good support these last few days which I really appreciate. Non of that "stay strong" or "your doing well" stuff... well a little, but mixed in with some good solid advice. There comes a time, after the initial break away from gambling, that questions have to be asked and some sort of answer sort. At this point we are not always in the best position to answer them rationally, but it marks the beginning of a different phase. It is a dangerous phase, because it is till so easy to go back to the very beginning, but it could also be the most important phase.

That is why I appreciate the posts I have had, some supporting, some agreeing, some disagreeing and some raising new questions.... all food for thought.

No closer to an answer, but closer to finding one. I realise things are not as black and white as I sometimes think, or maybe need. I need to be more selective on what I take from this forum, how i react to and interact with, this forum. But all is not black and white and sometimes we find something that we didn't know we were looking for.

I feel a little less cynical today. Will it last..? I doubt it ;O)

Jon

PS. Man wakes up in hospital after an operation.

Doctor says, " I have some good news and some bad news."

"What's the good news?" the patient enquires.

" We managed to save your testicles."

That's fantastic. I was really worried " the patient continued, " But whats the bad news?"

"They're in a little bag under your pillow," he replied.

hiya jon ...

just whizzing by to say hi before lights out...

Picking up on other posts and just adding my contribution...I think of all us get frustrated sometimes when we see someone who seems to be going off track or is stuck .( i qualify for both)

The feeling is from good intent and care and getting that over on a forum is sometimes very hard to do as we don't have the usual social cues of expression and body language ,tone etc...

Even though this is not a 12 step forum I tend to adhere to the principals of the rooms on here which is to share my experience ,strength and hope which is why my posts sound "all about me" and my diary reads more like an internal dialogue.

I try not to give advice for purely selfish reasons to be honest...as i don't want the responsibility of someone taking my advice and they're lives going t**s up.

If i stick my neck out i usually add my usual caveat of "take what you like' which is also as you may know a 12 step slogan....i do skim the line on supporters side more than on here so often will say this at the end of my post..

With other postee's i'm attempting to relate on an identification level as i am searching for similarities in emotional triggers usually.

I mention this by the way not to be preachy or to

say you change your style or anything..but just to explain really how I do it on here...

Its interesting to see others comments too..and how i know we are all well intended on here....Another reason why i am a bit cautious is because in real life I talk and express myself exactly the same as i do on here and with equal candour.

In real life I am also hugely opinionated so for me to sit on the fence over anything is not a natural state at all...this site has brought out my a-hem ... better side...lol

Often i can be very tactless and am easily misunderstood...its not deliberate ..its just that i open my trap before i engage my brain..so i keep an awareness on this site because i know i could be taken out of context.

good post there and thread Jon.....keep posting and keep on keeping on.......

Stay long...your doing swell ....JOKE!! xxx

Morning.

A joke to start your day, saw somewhere you were thinking of taking up excersise... Beware!

A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says "What a great chest you have." The bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite."

He takes off his pants and the woman says "What massive calves you have", the bodybuilder tells her "That's 1000 lbs. of dynamite".

He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He finally catches up to her and asks her why she ran out of the apartment.

The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw what a short fuse you have."

Have a grreeeeat day.

Dusty x

PS Blow me down with a feather , my shovel snapped in two last night, so no more digging for me .....lol

Morning Jon, just read your post. It was very nice of you to write those words but I'm aware that I'm nothing but a floating mass of atoms strung together by a transient stream of consciousness. That and the fact that I'm aware of how damaging one's ego is (Id) means that I'll have to let those lovely and generous compliments pass by me into both time and space. Today I am at one with the universe.

However, all my postings are copyrighted to 'Steg Holdings' if you copy and paste one line of those Buster you'll be hearing from my briefs and I'm not talking underpants. Yes, I used to be In the art scene years back, from an early age I was exhibiting around the country, portrait, landscape, any style subject. Went on to develop into the Venetian style and como alla prima. From then on I could reproduce the old masters and create works of my own leeching from their styles. Found it really boring though, gave it all up for booze, women and gambling, no contest. As I said earlier once I realised the power of the ego, how it seeks approval and complimentation I rejected it, others looked at it as self destruction and to be honest I think they're probably right. However, I'd much rather climb a tree or sniff mint leaves than paint a picture.

So you're oop north as well Jon, North West is the best, is it Burnleyish? You write with a Tony Livesy accent. Do you wear clogs? I still wear a shell suit, permed hair and a killer tache. We all do oop here in Liverpool, even me mam, de do dough don't de dough.

I'd better go Jon, just want to say before I do, good luck tomorrow, once it's over you'll have a lovely weekend. Oh and just for you Jon 'keep strong and you're doing so well!' ha ha. Steg

Day: before tomorrow

Just got back... another gruelling day... big day tomorrow, but have given up till the morning. Need a night not thinking about it,(although I will)... what's done is done, what's not done can go f**k itself.

Just read littlebit80's diary entry... a long list of reasons why she gamebles... a good read for self realisation if ever i saw on... hope she can now make a plan. But it is amazing, I can relate to 90% of them... and some of the ones I relate to sound really daft... but they are real.... in the sense that I, a reasonably bright educated man, can convince myself that they are true and I have used them to justify my gambling. Ouch that hurt.

Think I'll have another look at them later and have a think about them... maybe I should print them out and stick them on my wall under a headline " Don't be a t****r"

Other than that.. having a couple of gulps again... chill and an early night... need to get to work very early for my final last minute preparations... this week has given me enough adrenaline to last me for a while... some similar feelings to post gambling... worry, edgy, highs, tired, regretting wasted time....mmmm ....?

Oh well weekend approaches...

Jon

PS: Inflatable boy lives with his inflatable parents in his inflatable house. His inflatable parents are aleways getting at him and one day he looses it, pulls out his inflatable knife and stabs his inflatable parents. He runs off to his inflatable school, where straight away the inflatable headteacher starts at him.... he pulls out his inflatable knife and stabs him. Leaving the school, he stabs it and runs off.

He then heads home and into his inflatable bedroom, where soon the inflatable police arrive. Seeing no way out he pulls out his inflatable knife and stabs himself.

He wakes up the next morning in the inflatable hospital, only to find the inflatable headmaster standing over him... saying...

" You've let me down, you've let the school down and you've let your parents down, but worst of all... you've let yourself down."

Sorry... again

Hi Jon,

I knew you was a cynical northerner lol. Maybe fred dibner was a bit harsh lol...

Your post did make me laugh its nice to see you retain your sense of humour at all times , its essential actually to get through the day sometimes.

I also had a read of littlebits post and could relate to so many of them, lots and lots of food for thought for me to.

Just wanted to wish you luck for tomorrow and say thanks for kicking me out of that bar in blackpool it really was the shoes ;).

BB OVER AND OUT.

X

Oh i nearly forgot the beautiful bit,... Your alright for a northener lol

Haha ha that was a very good one that Jon. I'm still laughing from your post on mine, I think you covered every cliche in the book. I'm having them tattood onto my back tomorrow, in celtic, just in case I forget.

Couldn't possibly show pics of me made over by Maisie, they're too horrific, definitely not feminine. More crying shame then 'Crying Game.'

Good luck again for Friday Jon, Steve.

.....Am I in the big b**b club??....lol

thanks for joining in the fun Jon......no good at jokes...my fave is;

Whats green and got wheels?

Grass...I was lyin about the wheels.

Boom Boom

Rach n Doo x

Hello jonb.

Thanks for your post, I'm glad you care. I did leave an update and I'll try to update every so often.

To summarise: Almost 2 weeks gambling free.

Day: a good one

Meeting with adviser went better than I thought, the the maths results came back... much better than I thought... then I got home and poured myself a southy, much better than I thought... then I had a cheeseburger... what a load of s**t.

A good day, pay day aswell, ........... blocks in place.

So its weekend, three weeks to go, lots to do... but it's happy stress... non of the cr** I have had this last 10 days. Think I'll have a bridge, headphones on full blast kind of evening... a bit of rush, pink floyd, Zappa and any other of my non eclectic musical library.... oh and some more southy........ blocks in place.

Relief is not the word, probably got wound up about nothing... but over prepared for it if anything and it paid off..... compliments all around... which felt nice, suprisingly good SAT results.... if one hadn't gone on holiday during them, fairly sure 100% above 4 and about 20% 5+... maybe got 3 6's aswell... was only supposed to get three 5's... got 10 or 11... yipee ki yay MF.

Do I sound happy.... I am considering putting in an application to be part of the BB club...( Rach.... pls see Blondie for clarification... and I am sure only you can say whether or not you have)

Everything is wonderful.... blocks in place.

Now I recognise that not only does feeling bad give me the urge, but tonight may..... its the " I deserve a reward "... ( which I do... by the way.... did I tell you about the maths results?)... syndrome.... BLOCKS are in place. And I know... I can reward myself in other ways. Maybe I'll buy myself 2 bottles of SC instead of one? I am going to chill(ax).... and I am going to have fun annoying my children by using words like chillax all night.. they are so easy to wind up sometimes.... Sons got some mates coming round later and I feel it my duty to suitably embaress him in front of them... it's a family tradition... and I am good at it.

So I am on a little bit of a high.... can you tell... ?

Will probably post again later when I have come down... a bit.

Will be following the BB's later.. might even throw in a few fragrant petals myself.

Jon

PS. Guy goes to the doctor with a strawberry stuck to his face... the doctor says, " I've got some cream for that."

Give that man another southern comfort, So glad today went well for you Jon, I think you deserve the southy in copious amounts. Well done ! Am i allowed to say that lol...

Mr Happy eh, Goodbye mr Grumpy, cant wait for Mr Tickle and Mr mischeif to arrive. !!!

Im thinking of forming a band,

BB and the petals how does that sound.... You can mix the music on the decks and say things like "Maddddd for it" and "ChIlax man" I think its a sure thing....

Enjoy your evening jon and always remember this block block block.. lol 🙂

Oh and thanks for today x

B.B 😉 x