Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Hi mr b,

You should be all done and dusted right ? last day and Copious amounts of wine and chocolates from the rabble ?

Hope your well and have a nice break, I'm not sure if I should wish you happy Christmas as you might be a secret grinch lol.

Oh steg by the way I was behind the goal at that game when mr white side scored and Kevin Moran got sent off , first man ever to get sent off in an fa cup final...

I to must confess I'm a red lol.

Take care mr b, keep smiling

“Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.”

Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

Blondie x

Hey Jon ...

How are you ? ...long time no speaky but still listening to the tunes..

Wondering if the southern comforts going down well and that you had a great birthday xxx

R and D xx

I did well for so long, but after last night and last week maybe I need to come back and try to refocus.

After over a year or two of not gambling I feel I am back where I started. Done 3K in the last week. My Gambling habits have always been in the "binge" style. I can go weeks/months without and then... BOOM, usually preceeded by alcohol. Last night though, no alcohol.... so do not have that excuse to fall back on. Probably gambled about 8 times this year.... but 3 of those times have been in the last week. My problem is online; I have no compulsion to do this outside my home.

I know I need to change my lifestyle. I have become a recluse. I go to work; I come home and sit at my computer. Anyway don't feel like writing too much and just need to focus and start a count.... It's Day One.

Sayings that used to Help me: I cannot win because I cannot stop.

4 Days on, and the urges to win back the losses have subsided as I start to crawl back to normality. About 3 and a half years ago I was almost at my lowest... financially. Over the past couple of years I have ploughed my money into buying and selling stuff. This has been good because I never had any money to gamble... buy-sell-buy-sell-buy-sell etc. I have built up quite a bit of stock and during this time paid off over 14K debt. My problem now seems to be keeping hold of the money. As soon as I have 2k in the bank it burns a whole in my pocket and the gambling thoughts build up and build up... then release. I am ok again until a month or so then the cycle starts again.

I need to find my way out of this cycle. I have worked hard to get my finances sorted and it will all be wasted if I continue down again.

I have no urges day to day; I just know they are coming soon. I need to try new things. Read someone's diary the other day and they talked about stepping out of their comfort zone. I saw myself in their diary in so many ways. I need to try new things.

Anyway.... 4 days. I cannot win because I cannot stop.

6 Days on. Urges come and go, but they are not big ones..... regrets and what ifs. With my buying and selling I am already back to being financially ok... as long as I dont blow it all again. I have learned to block it all out, to let it go. Whether this is forgiving myself I don't know. I do know that if I didn't do this I would feel close to do something even more stupid.

I have to work out what to do with my money.... either put it somewhere else or draw it all out every month.. I only gamble online.

Does anybody know of any banks that allow you to block certain transactions... ie gambling transactions?

Not done anything towards "a better me"... watched 2 series of "The Wire" in last 4 days... really hope season 3 is better, otherwise I am wondering what all the fuss was about. Going to join the gym this afternoon... unless I procrastinate further like I have for the last 3 days.... hopefully I can write that I have tomorrow... £38 a month.... equivalent to 2 minutes playing online slots.. seems like a no-brainer..

Anyway... 6 Days. I cannot win because I cannot stop.

8 days: joined the gym on Thursday... been twice, was ok.

Still need a plan to sort out money... at the moment it is laying dormant in paypal. I think at this time just drawing all the cash out and having nothing/little in the bank is the best way... so if a big urge comes I can't do it. It is sad that I do not trust myself... feels like a strange form of schizophrenia. It's like I am talking about a different person, someone I have no control over.

Anyway... 8 Days. I cannot win because I cannot stop.

OK... had a drink... son's engagement party, listening to Sweezil Zappa playing Black Napkins.... heres the link for anybody that like guitar solos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzbpgBPJfUs

Knew I was going to drink so bought stuff... so no money in actual bank account. I would gamble if I had money in there.... but this feels good... chilled.... more like the old me..... if a little synthetic. Long term solution is spend my money on things that bring pleasure to my children or brings me more money to bring pleasure to my children... ( they are 25 and 22)

JOINED THE GYM ON THU.... WEDNESDAY,,, been 3 days, don't think I'll make it tomorrow.

So this is the first time I have drunk and not gambled for a long time.... I actually do not drink much anynore... 3 times ( this is the third) over Christmas,, before that it was early November.... and before that was late September... gambled every time... there are other reasons for not drinking but the main one is that all barriers come down....

Anyway... 9 days... got money... its mine.... drunk... not gambling.... 1-0 to me ( 15-568... overall score though)

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xDUg7phwC4

This is my big song

13 Days on: Been to the gym a few times now. Doctors today to get told my blood sugars and cholesterol are too high.. no doubt,,, but I am finally doing something about that.. hope it's not too little too late.

When I first started on here I was the "blow all my wages " + more type gambler.... usually in one or two mad binges. I decided that, as I was used to living off next to nothing, then why not spend my money on other things... and I went down the buy stuff and sell stuff route. This has really worked well for me.... now debt free... but now my problem is keeping hold of the money I make. I get into a comfort zone... I relax... and then.... That's the cycle I have to break. I am once again in my comfort zone... although I am keeping most of my money one step away .. in paypal.

Been back at work since Monday so that keeps me in a routine... up early... bed early... no drinking... no gambling.

Anyway... 13 Days. I cannot win because I cannot stop.

15 days on: For some reason the entry entered itself twice...?

Anyway... still 15 days. I cannot win because I cannot stop

15 days on: Gym going ok... Got a bit bored tonight and some little thoughts crept in... so instead I spent my money on stuff... bought a Christmas present for my daughter for next year... there are some good offers on at the moment... it would be a shame not to.... and more stuff to sell. When I spend money... it helps... its positive... I think. It does curtail the demons a little.

Anyway... 15 days. I cannot win because I cannot stop

21 days on. Friday night... bored... but no drinking. Bought a bit of stuff, and managing to keep hold of the rest... which is sill lying dormant in paypal. Been to the Gym a few times... should have gone today really... something else to feel guilty about. A lot of pressure at work at the moment, so quite happy that I am controlling any urges... the last loss still regretfully fresh in my mind.

Anyway.... 21 days. I cannot win because I cannot stop

It seems that everybody's problems are different. We should be classified... I want to be classified so I can understand better. I binge... I can go days... weeks... months and then I splurge. A thousand in 2 hrs....

Then the chase.....

My problem reached its limit 4 years ago. Then I did something positive: I decided to spend all my money buying things to sell and it worked/works. I have over 60K worth of stock,, from nothing... but I am scared. I know how quickly I could loose that and now and again ( like tonight £700 loss) i doesnt worry me as it used to because 8 sales and I have it back. So I dont feel like I am recovering anymore, just facilitating myself.

Gambled twice in the last week.... before that it was 4 months gamble free. w*f.

I hope I feel s**t in the morning and strong enough not to chase.

Accepting that I'll never be free from this addiction is too much.

I had an online addiction... so I did that Gamstop thing, and it works. But tonight was the second time I walked round to the betting shop to gamble on the machines. I thought about it all day and even as I got home, I knew where I was going to end up; it was like I was in a trance. As I changed my clothes there was 2 brains... one saying "w*f" and the other saying " You might win".... have a guess what happened.

So tomorrow I will wake up and regret, but not in the same dire straits as it used to be; I still have enough money for the month. Am I in control? Absolutely not! And so I restart a diary of old and probably don't keep it up. 3 weeks later I think my problem is solved... but I need to realise my problem will never be solved.

Oh well... drinking... headphones on... can't gamble here at home, solved that problem... but I just created a new one.

Posted by: @Anonymous

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Ha ha Jon luv da muzik, vision on, brilliant. Love all the old theme tunes, in fact my ringtone is Jaques Lasry's (I think?) 'picture box.' classic.

I want to play guess the toon but Jon for the life of me I don't know which are the lyrics, cud you put them in inverted commas, bold, or italics peeese cos I ain't no good at this guessing malarkey. I always hum songs never take an interest in the words.

I'll name it in three

I'll name it in two

Name that tune.....

Steve o' Connor

It sounds like you're in for a fun game of "Name that tune!" I'll do my best to help you out. Here's the phrase you provided with the requested formatting:

"I'll name it in three"

"I'll name it in two"

Now, go ahead and give it your best shot, Steve o' Connor!