Mr Grumpy: Round 3 and a half

Hi Jon

Ty for your post. The truth is that it could be very nasty. Still gotta keep going. Yes I really enjoyed our chat also.

Well the holiday is a a bit of a screw up. Wednesday we were off. Now want to poke around in me bottom.

Sis in law has a meet with her brief about the divorce. Next day at 2.30. Gonna be there.

Sometimes anger and justice is not so bad I guess. Will talk soon.

Morning,

Appertaining to your post I just read on wilsys thread.

It's a difficult one, I have read on here often about this site being clickey( sorry not sure how to spell that, and spell check is giving me the strangest combinations )

I find that I do tend to post to same people. These are people that I have formed a bond with. Usually cause they get my humour , or have an empathety with my mental health issues. I think sometimes I worry that I may offend someone with my comments, so tend to post on safe ground. Also I think that no one wants to appear as a know it all . I like to think that I respond to all the posts I recieve. And try to build bonds with people. I want to post something more meaningful to the reader than well done, keep it up. So I try to get to know them , through there posts.

I think it takes 2 to tango , so people like yourself who post a lot tend to build up a following . Not sure if it's right or not. But between us all I think most people are included, just not everyone posting to everyone.

Anyways, that's my thoughts , not they you asked me

personally but I just could not help myself . The support that you are giving should be commended cause I know people appreaciate it.

You have a wonderful day,

Dusty xxxxxx

Yo,

I am impressed , posting with a hang over at 6 : 30 am.

Or was it a glass of water you were after?

I will look at you thread, and I do think it is a great idea. Me I don't need a drink to be talkative , appertaining to hind legs and donkeys .

Have the fuzzy head c,ears soon, and that the night out was worth it.

Dusty xxxxxx

Great idea johnb on your other thread i will try and help out

Thanks Ronnie.

Day44: Not much to report: Work, sleep, sell stuff, read diaries, ate something, now going to watxh criminal minds... up to series 3 now.

Minor pangs/urges... but nothing a quick moment of " self remembrance" couldn't deal with.

My pay day approaches... still got some left in the bank from last one... a first for many many months... so feeling good about that.

Hot

Thirsty

Sweaty..( sorry ladies, not a nice image)

but quite smiley

Keep Strong, Keep Blocking.... get happy.

Jon

Day 45: 3 days to go to a week off... and I need it.

Having a drink.. playing bridge...listening to pink floyd... watching some stuff sell... picked up 2 boardgames from a carboot..£20... just sold one of them for £32.. other will probably go for £15 ish... that's a game of golf if ever I saw one.... yeahhhh.

Feeling quite chirpy... almost upbeat I guess.

Hope all are well and strong.

Payday 2 days away.. money still in bank from last one.... deep breath.

Jon

HI Jon,

well done on 45 days, chirpy and upbeat is good , sweaty not so good lol.

You seem to be doing really well, keep at it. i smile every time i read your posts to DW, i like you have been trying to get someone to come back, it makes me sad when people go missing because we know the damage they may be doing to themselves. when i logged on this site 36 days ago i never thought i would still be here, but here i am, and proud.

Blondie day 36

Hiya there, very well done, reading the diaries tonight there are quite a few of us heading towards pay day and still some money in the bank, that must be good, cause in 1 month from now there will be even more in the bank, or we will have been able to give ourselves a treat and actually have something to show for it. Take care and keep strong,

Hi buddy... Thx for your posts in my diary... Helped me a lot regarding my last blip... After some time gone i must completely agree with you. There is reason to panic... Yet... I m glad you ve got good time (i suppose). I m having good time myself. Drinking, watching movies and listening to rare live records of Dire Straits. I consider M Knopfler as a guitar God. Congrats on your nearly 7 weeks. All the best. K.

Day 47: Payday successfully negotiated.

Read some diaries, played a game on my comp... tried one of those "Rice Fusion" things... was quite nice, followed by a strawberry Milkshake with clotted cream ice-cream. Mad day at work today... but tomorrow is the last day.. a week off. And I have decided a couple of games of golf are on the cards...literally.... weather permitting.

A few thoughts today... I still find a little adrenaline kick when I think about the gambling... the what if I could just... but the strength I have gained from being on here means I can quickly shake it off and focus on other things... so Thanks to all.

Stay Focused Stay Strong Stay Happy

Jon

Day 50: Coming Back to Life

I do wonder sometimes whether the mask of happiness we wear in between days of real darkness is beneficial.

It seems a fine line we tread in helping others to help ourselves, and I feel sure a point must be reached where the constant reminder of all this holds us back. I don't know..... probably wrong, or maybe I am just feeling like this because we are all different but share the same problem. There is no right answer I guess.

Anyway... Day 50... should be happier... but it is just another day.... and it's raining. Going to a family party this afternoon.... so.... mask up.

Jon

Hi Jonb...

No I don't take what you say personally and maybe it is time for me to move on although i''m not sure where to....

I do think maybe i should just bite the bullet and leave and try and live without the stabilisers,....for me I have no markers for recovery...i cant count days or successes in the same way ...

As you can see if you are on supporters side..most people come on here as a last ditch attempt and then leave their partners/spouses and never seen again.

Other peoples gambling does not affect me and I never get dragged down or frustrated with anyones recovery on here..even with slips as i am genuinely on their side....

I suppose i do have to get myself back out there again and just put the whole thing down to a bad experience which hopefully I wont repeat again..but i'm not holding my breath.

thanks for being honest John and I shall give your post some serious thought....maybe i need to move on to stop being stuck.

rachel and dotty xx

i did read those words Jon about killing the past in the song ....yes..they make a lot of sense and it seems too others on here too.

Thank you for reminding me and I will make some decisions soon...even if its a slow process..

Rachel and Dotty xx

Great to see you taking some positives Rachel... think I will stop calling you Dotty... that's your dog.

Well.. a little .... drunk...ish this evening.

Tonight I am wondering ... wondering about things. Wondering about priorities. And probably being very cynical. But hell.... I do wonder sometimes. I know we are here to support each other... give advice and learn from others advice.... drunk and cynical sorry. Priorities...? Just don't get it.

Sceptical ? Probably.

Change the subject: listened to my "get up and get out of it" song... thoughts with Rachel ( Dotty.) She has been strength for lots on here... deserves a change of .. perspective. Hope she can move on.

I... should stop here before I get myself in trouble... but... can't help it.. priorities.

ssshhhhh.

Hope all are well... will prob delete this tomorrow... but .... I am too surprised not to say nothing ( double negative on purpose)... I don't get it.

Jon

This is how I feel... as portrayed through the medium of music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzbpgBPJfUs

I am a little... but ...and... I like this