day 26...
woke up a bit down today. no real reason, just one of those days. picked up a bit now, going away in November to Cuba, just me and the Mrs, not been away without the kids except for the odd weekend. something to look forward to financially and in general. also got a text about doing the half marathon in October, like I've said previously always been better when I've got something to aim for.
been thinking over the last few days about when I first started betting, seems a lifetime ago. so many mistakes but also brought me closer to some people, probably the wrong kind of people but still friends at the end of the day.
been replacing gambling with reading at the moment. just finished Ant Middleton first man in and now half way through stephen kings outsider.
it's good to find something else to do but I need to know that when a book or a run finishes that I won't fill my time with betting, especially with the new season approaching.
have a good day all.
take care and stay gamble free.
A
Keep up the good work! You can do it!
day 27....
woke up feeling good today. some thoughts of gambling but nothing that will stick. trying not to get involved with the footy chat but also trying not to alienate myself from friends of many years.
bit of a reality check last night, my old boss, who was one of the lads, only late 40s, has been rushed to hospital to have a stent fitted after a heart attack. his lifestyle is the typical pub gambler (too much beer, gambling and other substances). Not the road i want to go down. something that I will use to put me off.
quiet in the caravan today, very chilled.
off for a walk round the countryside then a bit of food at the end.
have a good day all.
take care,
A
day 28.....
WhatsApp groups constant with betting slips for the new season. not even looked at the fixtures and no thoughts to get involved, previous years would have seen an optimistic group of 50000/1 bets been placed by now. I can relax knowing that what is my account now will still be there at 5 this evening.
off to the beach today, challenge in itself as one kid loves everything about the beach whereas the other is repulsed by the sand. wish me luck!
tough day for a lot of avid sports pundits today, stay strong and keep focused on other things.
every so often days are more challenging than others, ie payday and football season starting, should just be another day really.
so sunny here today, I'm not ginger but I tan like one, off to get the factor 30.
take care,
A
I’ve had exactly the same with Whatsapp groups sending their betting slips for today. Highly annoying but not their fault.
Thanks for your encouraging post on my diary.
Nearly a month for you which is good going.
Have a great day at the beach!
day 29....
city are playing today, fingers crossed they get a result but not too much of an important game.
goals corners cards would have been a favourite today but not any more. the aim is to keep the same in my bank at the end of the day as I did at the start.
thankfully none of my friends won yesterday, nothing makes you realise you're doing the right thing than seeing your friends lose their money.
I have things to aim for at the moment money wise. I need a new pair of running trainers, got a holiday to pay for and my mum is 60 this year. in previous years I would have won money to pay for all this, not now. obviously a lot easier to budget when random money isn't going missing on betting.
I would rather sacrifice some of the banter with the boys if it means I can keep this going.
my other half commented yesterday how it felt like I was more 'in the room' while sitting in a big group. obviously I'd never noticed before but then again I wouldn't having been glued to my phone waiting for a goal in my favour. feels good knowing that she's seeing the improvement, not anywhere near being cured but it's a good step.
have a good day all, come on city!
take care,
A
day 30....
feels good, I've probably not intentionally got to this many days in the last 7 years.
enjoyed watching the footy highlights last night knowing I hadn't lost money on it.
had loads of WhatsApp messages yesterday and today with people one result away from X amount, the adrenaline and buzz that comes with almost winning is something that is hard to replicate but the despair of losing and letting people down outweighs it by a lot. got too focus on that.
a friend of the Mrs asked me yesterday why I was off work. I didn't really know what to say, I've had 3 days off in 10 years so being off for 3 weeks now is a bit weird to my colleagues. just said its something personal but I think that makes people talk more.
not something that overly bothers me, sometimes you have to put yourself first. I'd be replaced at work within 2 weeks if I left for good anyway.
my other half confided in her sister. I'll see her for the first time since it came out this week. not looking forward to it but it's not something I can run away from.
take care,
A
day 31...
some thoughts of gambling are still there but no signs that I will act on them. the thoughts aren't really of wanting to gamble for pleasure, just to get the debt gone quicker. I know it is better just to pay it off slowly, still an annoying weight on my shoulders though.
my other half keeps asking me how I'm doing which is really supportive of her and I really appreciate it. sometimes I'm just being quiet because I'm being quiet, doesn't always mean my head is filled with odds and teams etc haha.
hopefully a nice last few days at the caravan then back home.
got my appointment with the gp when I get back to see if I need more time off. not sure if I do but I'll speak to him and see what he thinks.
might be easier being at work, more distractions rather than sat at home with my thoughts.
take care,
A
day 32.....
nothing new to report really, still don't want to gamble, still feeling down about the debt, still getting messages from people asking about predictions, still apprehensive about seeing the in laws today. just all things that will take time. hard to find positives some days but they are there.
the one thing that is standing out to me today is how quickly time goes by so I know I will look back at this first month and think it feels like only yesterday.
still reading and running, 2 things worth focusing on.
hope everyone is doing ok.
take care,
A
Well done A. You are doing fantastically well. I, like you am going to turn to running and reading - finding alternatives so restlessness doesn't turn to something else. You should feel very proud of how open you have been with your gf and parents. I wish you continued success! X
day 33.....
got back from the in laws a while ago, no one mentioned anything about gambling, just had a top time with some great family. went out on the kayak in the sea, felt so relaxed, probs the first time I have in a long time.
ignored every WhatsApp and just enjoyed myself.
very lucky to have all these people around me, especially my gf's sister's baby, only 1 and happy all the time, he doesn't give a s**t that I'm going through this, he just wants to play and be happy.
take care,
A
What exactly is it that stops you from leaving the WhatsApp groups and deleting the chats?
CW
day 34....
hi cynical wife, so the 2 main chats are; one with my 3 best friends, known them since I was 5, we talk about everything, not just betting. I don't want to alienate myself from those friends because our friendship isn't based on gambling.
the other group is a chat for organising our football team, again it doesn't revolve around betting it just pops up quite a lot.
any of the group's or people that I am involved in that are solely about betting I have completely distanced myself from.
the 2 groups that I am a part of that I won't delete/leave; it's my view that it's not their fault I have a problem with betting and I don't want to give up playing football or my best mates.
so today has been nice, my time at the caravan is coming to an end. going to occupational health on Monday to discuss work. will probably just be quite vague with them as they have never been the easiest people when you're off sick. I'll just see how it goes.
still no thoughts to gamble, looking forward to the football season and hope city get off to a good start.
take care,
A
Have you told your friends you don't want to talk about betting? They can't avoid it if they don't know and if they won't avoid it they're not your friends.
hi lethe,
no not told them yet, I'll get to that, was tough enough telling the family. I will tell them at some point, just not ready yet
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