Day 10....
had my telephone assessment this morning for healthier minds. it was interesting, I think for me stopping gambling hasn't been too much of a problem so far. it's identifying the triggers and understanding not to repeat that train of thought. they offered me 1 2 1 counselling with a 2 month waiting list. annoying but I understand working in healthcare myself.
went to the gym last night, did a spin class and it was great. I run and play footy a lot but nothing motivates me like someone shouting at me while music is blaring. felt so good after it.
no thoughts to gamble today.
instead I'm going to look for a new challenge. completed the marathon in April so and I'm always better with something to aim for.
Take care,
A
Day 11.....
tough day today, gf is going to London this weekend to clear out her uncles flat who suddenly died a while ago. I've been the supportive one for a change.
no thoughts of gambling today. played 5 a side, love the competitive side of playing sport.
just having a glass of red watching Gavin and Stacey.
take care,
A
Day 12.....
the odd thoughts of gambling crossed my mind today. was watching bt sport and every ad seemed to be about promo offers, annoying but didn't go any further.
I'm finding the hardest battle at the moment regaining trust. I am being interrogated about every minute of my day, phone calls, emails and money. if that's what it takes then so be it.
no real plans tomorrow but I will keep on going.
have a good Friday,
A
Day 13....
gf has gone to london to clear her uncless flat. such a tough time for her. the guilt is ramped up. if I was more stable and not an addict I could be there for her more. But we love one another so we'll make it work and I will be there for her.
I'm enjoying Friday night with a glass of red.
keeping on going.
Take care and enjoy the weekend.
A
Day 15....
feeling so down today. seriously lacking in motivation.
no thoughts of gambling but cannot shake the guilt of all the debt. this feeling comes and goes but today it is in full force.
payday on Friday, not that it matters, every penny towards bills or debts.
would do anything for a clean slate.
Take care,
A
Day 17....
did a spin class last night, always feel better after that.
had a trip down memory lane last night, was going through old photos and swiped across hundreds of screenshots of betting slips. some wins some losses. some very good days but some catastrophically low ones.
just got to get it into my head that I will never finish Saturday afternoon with hundreds of thousands in the bank, but I also won't have no money 3 weeks before payday.
take care,
A
Day 19.....
lots going on today, had a message back from the financial ombudsmen saying they need more info but are likely to rule in my favour about irresponsible lending. finally some good news!
been for a run today, mind was elsewhere so did it hit a good time but better than nothing.
going to Wales for a fortnight so that has made me happy, if the weather's good then it's great.
first payday tomorrow since I was outed as a gambling addict. anxious and apprehensive but all the blocks are there and I've got the added pressure of showing my gf my online banking every day.
take care and keep going,
A
Day 20......the dreaded payday!
so after paying all my bills and a payday haircut I still have plenty to enjoy the month with. I'm not bathing in £50 notes but looking at it I realise that it's enough, I don't need to gamble.
my other half is off to the caravan today for a girly weekend. I'm going on Sunday for 2 weeks, so chilled out there!
also decided to message everyone at work back today after being off for 3 weeks. didn't go into detail but nice to know they care.
have a good Friday,
take care,
A
Morning
Had a good read of your diary and it’s reminds me of myself so much. A very similar gambling path we have both taken. Fortunately you have got another chance with your girlfriend, I had them chance but never took them so make sure you do. It took me to lose my relationship to stop gambling that will be 3 years in September so it can be done
It’s easy to stop gambling what’s hard is to stay stopped. You’ve put some good blocks in place and seem to be honest and admitting it’s got you beat.
It’s great your looking at counselling same there such a delay as this is the time you really need it. I went down the GA route which I would recommend looking into it’s helped changed mindset and I’ve become a much better person all round by following the programme.
Keep doing what your doing keep sharing on here good and bad keep being honest keep reading on here and learning, if you see something working for someone else give it a go.
KTF
day 22......
hi KTF,
thanks so much for the comment. felt like I was chatting to myself for a while there.
yes incredibly fortunate to have got a chance with my girlfriend. I won't take it for granted and strive everyday to give her and the boys a better version of me.
yeah I agree stopping is a small percentage of the battle but I've always been competitive and I will fight to beat this.
with regards to counselling it's annoying waiting but I feel that I don't need someone to tell me to stop, I need someone to explain the cause of my problem and how to prevent it happening again. that can wait a few weeks, I openly admit to having a bad problem but it could always be worse.
I can't do GA, was hard enough speaking in front of my loved ones, couldn't face a group like that. I'm quite introverted around people I don't know.
I will keep posting here, some days good some days bad. today is a good one, sat in a caravan in Wales with a glass of red enjoying family time. it's battering it down with rain but I don't care.
not sure how old you are but definitely a veteran of the gamble free life, something to strive for!!!
take care,
A
Hi Ini,
Like some other comments I can really relate to your story - I also haven't been into a bookies and online sports is my poison too. I've been on and off for about 6 years now but need to make a big effort to stop altogether. Keep going day by day and it'll get easier - the debt is only getting smaller and you'll never be in this much debt again is what I keep telling myself so you can use this too.
Today is a great day and we don't need to gamble.
TB
day 23.....
hi tb, just been reading a few of your posts, similar story with some ups and downs. since I've quit gambling in all honesty I don't think about it very much, the thoughts are consumed by the debt and the people I've let down. like you say the debt is going down and I'll never be in this much debt again, such a good way of looking at it, puts a positive spin on a grim situation. thanks for posting on my diary and all the best for your recovery!
still at the caravan today and it is still throwing it down with rain, could be worse, could be the poor guys in tents on the site down the road!
had a conversation yesterday with a friend who went to the races, she has no clue about my situation and she kept talking about the luck not being with her. didn't bother me speaking to her, I can't gamstop people the way I can my phone haha.
take care and keep going.
A
day 24....
sunny in Wales today, makes a nice change!
no thoughts of gambling and no access to it. A friend whatsapped a website to get involved in a group betting challenge, one team each, split the winnings type of thing. I'm excluded from that particular site but that's not the issue, the issue is that none of the 'lads' know I've given up betting.
I may just say I've looked at all my accounts and decided I'm not winning so I'm giving it up. not really the truth but not really a lie either. They aren't the type of guys I could open up to about this and that doesn't bother me.
still struggling with the financial ombudsmen, they are amazing and could brighten my future massively but it's such a long process.
fingers crossed it will all get sorted.
have a good day everyone.
take care,
A
Well done on your recovery and finding your way onto here. I too am a massive sports fan and will watch and enjoy almost all sports. I used to enjoy a bet on sport but the reality is that it’s much more enjoyable to watch it without money riding on the result. You’re really lucky you have a great partner and family, I look forward to reading more about your recovery. Interesting to see you visit Chester, I live nearby and find it really frustrating if I head in and it’s a race day. Keep up the good work!
day 25....
got a bit of a sore head today after too many red wines last night but heading to the market for the kids. they love it here, so much freedom they don't get at home, just feels a lot safer for them here.
stayed up watching mission impossible last night on telly, a lot of gambling adverts in between but nothing that really caught my eye.
hi whereismymind, thank you for the kind words. you're right in all you say as I remember loving any and every sport before betting so I know I can do it again.
the Chester thing was such a random event. when it all came out about my gambling I excluded and blocked literally everything on all social media, so I honestly had no clue it was race day. only got the idea it was when all the well dressed people were on the train. top place though, love a couple beers on the river.
take care,
A
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
