My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Hi DT thanks 🙂 I survied the flight back and have no gambled. Even had to load an ewallet master card that I have used alot in the past to gamble with, but this time used it for cab fare as of course I have no cards left worth any value. Some funds still left on their which i will withdraw cash tomorrow. I know I will get through tonight without gambling and go forward to my next day.

But very very tense day - financial fallout now really very very real. Not a good lunch I had with my wife. More maybe on that later. Stress! .D.

Day 7 : Yesterday was an important day for me as thats when we get money in and thats when my gambling would normally be at its highest. I did not gamble and the bank account remained intact. Today I know I wont gamble and even though its still early days im heading into unknown waters as I have never gone past this point in past recent attempts to stop gambling.

More pressing now more than ever is the need to try work on getting our finanaces back in order. I cant belive what I have done and what I have smashed up the past 12 months. My wife and me had lunch yesterday she was upset about lack of money and other things. I felt real guilt. She still does not know the real reasons why. Made a micro payment to a credit card this morning and will run a few more payments before the day is up.

Small amounts but its somthing at least.

I know for certain I will get through today without placing a bet. Gambling is not and can not be an option for me. Work output is up. Thanks and take care for now .D.

Hi Blockedout,

Haven't had a good read of your diary just yet, but wanted to thank you for your thoughts.

Getting through the early days is tough, i remember all to well. But for now it looks like you are fighting the urges and taking one thing and one day at a time.

Keep up this day to day resolve and the weeks do turn into months.

keep strong.

green x

Day 9 : This is a good point for me. Have not been 9 days bet free in over a year. Nearly slipped thursday but didnt. I admit its starting to feel good on the no gambling front. Im going to use that feeling today.

I managed to make a few more micro payments of creditors, hardly anything to even dent the massive amount of debt we have but its a start. Normally that money would have gone direct into the casinos banks.

Green : thanks for your reply I really want to turn days into weeks and then into months. Hope the best for you also.

Today got a very busy day working. Dont normally pull a Saturday but no choice on this. But keeps my mind of gambling. I know today I will not gamble!

Good thoughts to all Blocked.

Managed to get through a whole day again without gambling. I need to hit 2 weeks GAM free! Got an evil letter from my bank this morning which has depressed me. Threats of court action and such like.

This is where the real consquence of my long term and totally destructive addiction becomes reality. Still no gambling but then that horrible monstor in my head pops up and says "hey if you could win ££££ amount your home free" gamblers will know what I mean.

Detest my addiction - detest myself for what I have done. Low tonight because of the financial fallout which is more long term than I thought.

Hi Blocked out

If that horrible monster rears its head again chop it off lol.

Seriously m8 just read through your diaries . I know how you feel with the debts i also lost my car . Unfortunatley for me i had gone too far and also lost my house.BUT the main thing is m8 i still have my partner and kids i would happily live in a tent as long as i still had them. you still have your family and you still have a job.Stop that gambling m8 and you will have a great life.Debts need paying m8 i know but you cant pay what you dont have and you will never have anything while you are gambling.From your diary i can see you work really hard.thats your money which you have earned. If someone didnt pay you for your work you would be enraged yet you me and others like us on here just throw it away anyway.We might aswell go to work for free .OR STOP OUR GAMBLING . I think the second option sounds best.

Blocked out you need to keep your family i can see you think the world of them so lets do it kid all the best Jeff.

I feel embarressed re-starting my diary and for not answering those who replied. Apologies for this. Day 1 is tomorrow (again) this aint day 1 as I gambled earlier today. Spoke to GA on the phone but im sad to say they were not that good 🙁 maybe will tell more on that at some point. Blocked.

Welcome back Blocked,

One day at a time....they soon add up.

Take care...Jas xx

Hi Jasmine thanks 🙂 I have lurked here quite a bit the past 6 weeks or so but with my absolute success at managing to gamble another load of money felt I had no right to post.

Ok so into day 1. its 1.45am couldnt sleep. I get really depressed at the moment in the night when I lie in bed worrying over debt and kind of greiving over what I had say 14 months ago to what I have now. Tried to watch a movie but didnt really take it in, so waited until the wife was asleep then logged on here. The depressed feeling is becoming stronger as the weeks go by. Thats what has prompted me (yet again) to try and quit and stay quit. The money loss is bad enough, but their is also the loss of work hours , self esteem, and general disinterest in the things that mean the most like the kids , my wife, our lifes and such like. Read on DTs diary that he had a bet at xmass. For some reason that made me sad. Im not going preech , i cant , im not even an hour into recovery but its like d**n if he slips then what hope is there. I have followed his diary .... d**n I wish he had not placed that £10.00 bet 🙁 .... Im going to go through today without placing a bet.

Hi Struggler i know about those dreams , some when not gambled (good feeling) and those when its real. Horrible. Good luck with the counselling - sounds like u going at it hard at mo. Keep up! Best blocked.

Day 1 still.

No gamble today. I remembered I did 4 days at the start of this month without placing a bet. Then it fell apart yet again. Reading through my ongoing diary I see a number of day 1s pop up. But way i see it I have to start again if I fail like I have done the past weeks. Had a weak moment today but didnt gamble and know I wont gamble this evening. Work out put was good today but I ignored the phone which has rung around 10 times. Creditors chasing me. Its the weekend almost so that will give me some time to get my thoughts straight I hope. Then can I put the same energy I put into gambling with somhow trying to at least put some kind of sense in the financial mess.

Some disturbing threads / posts I read the past hours but still im here and heading towards day 2. Switching down th PC now and no gambling. Onwards ... Blocked

Thankyou.

Day 2 - no gamble today so far but its only 10.45am have to visit family this afternoon. Stressfull last night with issues related to the home front. Arguments and such like. Feel low this morning maybe as I have a bit of a hangover 🙁 1 positive is I woke up thinking how much did I loose yesterday ??? £0.00. On to day 3.