My Diary - Restarted Fri 10 Sep 2010

Hi Blocked

Thanks for your post on my diary regarding my son. It made good reading for me. I think you are right just stay calm and collective.

Hey i like your idea of putting your screen on view to all in the office m8.I hope all works out between you and your partner.Keep going blocked you are doing great.All the best Jeff.

Hi Jeff yes a 1 minute clear thought wonder - change my desk around so the screen faces the whole world. Wish you the best with your Son ... many a parent has been and is this situ. Thanks Blocked.

Day 5 part 2 :

Almost through day 5. Had 1 MASSIVE urge around 5pm tonight to have a small gamble. Sound familiar ? It would always spiral. I stopped for a moment and thought about the stress and very real pains in my stomach that I would feel when the loss came. Also the guilt of messing up yet again.

I got angry at the amount of spam from online casinos I get - those emails that in the past I would look for offering all kinds of enticments. Strangly 1 casino i was /am a so called VIP at have not contacted me. Maybe they have got the message after I have continually ignored their personal emails and my deposits dropped off the past week or so. To hell with em! Tongiht they get not 1 penny from me and tomorrow is day 6 I will NOT gamble. Best thoughts all. Blocked.

Hi blocked.

Cheers for your post on my diary and it was nice to see you in chat earlier.

I actually read through your diary the other night and i sympathised with your position. It seems that a lot of time your trigger to gamble has been when you are bored or have time to yourself.

Enjoy that Rome boxset and when you have finished it get something else to keep you busy. I'd recommend 24, lost, prison break and the west wing!

Keep fighting this blocked, i know you can win this fight.

Hi Curly nice also to meet you in chat. Sad to say I have seen all of 24, could not get into prision break but do have a complete box set of OZ donated by a kind brother last year 😉 Maybe I will get my fat face into that soon but its massive tons of dvds. Yes your right bordom / lots of time aborad working ... yet I did that for many years without gambling. Keep strong and thanks for your message - all the best Blocked.

blocked out. . Thanks for your post on my diary. . Sorry its taken longer to reply. . Its not easy posting from a phone. . Anyways i am also with payplan (about a year now) they are recommended from citizen advice and dont take any fees. .they took a lot of stress of me when i gave them all my financial details. . Only one thing whilst they were setting up plan i missed 2 payments and ended up wi a ccj (worst day of my life in court and had never been in any trouble before). . They review your situation yearly and you can view your account with them anytime on line. . No more ranting about debts from me mate. Well done on your 5 days keep it going we can win this battle mate.

Day 6 : Last night was the closest I have come since the start of my renewed attempt to stay quit at having a gamble. I went over in my head again and again - if I should just have 1 bet or not. I didnt. Felt ok to wake up today knowing I had not messed up. I had the chance to get some money I am owed (yes lol somone owes me some money which is a rare specimin) but told them not to transfer it to my bank. Instead asked for just £20.00 as I needed to get some milk n stuff from the shop. This did kind of save me later on in the night as I had no access to funds. Still it depressed me that I get those urges so strong.

Being on day 6 though I feel good about that. Last time I think I got to day 7 before xmass. I know that today I wont gamble. Lots going through my mind at the moment some releated to the massive money worrys we have - other stuff is family related which I wont go into. All these things combined in the past have helped to push my back into the world of online gambling. Going to work today lots to catch up with. Onwards.

Well done on not gambling last night Blocked.

Keep posting on here whenever you get the urge to gamble. There are a lot od people willing to support you on here mate.

Oh and i am half way through season 7 of 24 so don't tell me what happens! I believe Kim Bauer will be making an appearance shortly which is always welcome.

Stay strong mate.

Day 7 (by 5 mins)

12.05am I ALMOST DEPOSITED TO GAMBLE!

feel ill that I came so close. My wife is away for a few days, I had a glass of wine tonight came up to my office and saw a casino offer. I went through the process of opening an ewallet i use and then stopped... heart racing ... should i ? will i ? I cant ... can i ? I have very little funds on my account but enough to deposit. In the end I came here saw the reply from curly10 (thank you curly will reply soon head done in at the moment sorry ) and took a deep breath. Went to my online banking and made 2 small payments to creditors, bringing my balence below what I could deposit. It has passed the urge and im still clean. Depressing though how it can hit like this. I so much want these feelings of "wanting to gamble" to leave me forver. Blocked.

Morning Blocked,

You did incredibly well to overcome that urge and a really good move coming here and posting and reading instead. The desire to gamble can be overwhelming but you managed to stay in control which is great to see. Pleased you got all that cash out of your account..

NO CASH = NO GAMBLE.

You are doing really well Blocked.

Jas x

Day 7 prt 2.

Well I got through the trauma of wanting to gamble early hours of this morning. Was good to wake up knowing I had over come that urge. Thanks Jas for you reply - true im learing No Cash - No Can Gamble

Today is tricky as I will have funds that need to come to my account to pay some things. So think I will head to the office in work and do it all from that point. Rest of the money I will either withdraw cash or push over to my brother or wifes account so I dont have anything hanging around.

I wont gamble today and am looking forward to day 8! Stay strong all - Blocked

Hi mate,

Take the positivity from your (slight) hiccup - you were at your computer, had the money, ready to deposit - but you managed to stop yourself. We are all going to get urges to gamble now and again, but you resisited. Well done. maybe you now realise how important it is to have NO ACCESS TO MONEY. Passing it on to someone close that you trust is such an effective move; at least it has been for me in the past. The more roadblocks you have in place, the more difficult it will be to succumb to temptation.

Keep up the good work.

Alan

Seem to breezing through today. A few urges to gamble around lunch time where I had a spare half hour or so. Was working for home so decided to take a walk buy a sandwich and sat watched the mid day news. Not a penny quandered with the online casinos for a week now 🙂 I feel good this afternoon.

Its a cliche but taking it a step at a time makes it easier I think. 1 day becomes 1 week, then you've gone 2 weeks before you know it and so on. Then you realise you CAN live without gambling after all even if at times it feels impossible.

Evening blocked.

Thanks for your post on my diary. If i helped to prevent you gambling last night then that means a lot to me. Remember though that it was YOUR decision whether to gamble or not and it was YOU who made the right decision.

It's an odd thing this gambling addiction. Why would you, me and others willingly gamble when we know it is going to lose us lots of our hard earned money. Why do we get urges to actually do this?

I'm seeing a real determination in you at the moment blocked. I've read youe entire diary and i think this is the most determined you have been. YOU CAN DO THIS.

Keep making the right decisions like you did last night and you will be just fine.