My Diary - small steps to recovery

Thanks for your reply Ryan. It touches me when you get a post to your dairy. I hope you're coping alright with being gamble free and healthy eating. Haven't had a good afternoon (not gambling related) but trying to rein in positive thoughts to get through today.

I have not and will not gamble today.

Mo

Day 4

00.41

Been a very difficult evening that could have resulted in me having urge to gamble but been thinking things through and know this wouldn't help the situation. I'm pleased that not only have I got through another day not gambling but also another day with healthy eating.

Today positive thoughts .....I have not and will not gamble.

Mo

Thanks Julie, thanks for taking the time to post on my diary. It certainly helps when you get some support.

It's now Mon 01.02am and I continue to be in a positive place. I have not and will not gamble and I continue my healthy eating.

Mo

Tues 00.14 small steps, always things in life that grind you down but positive thoughts. I have not and will not gamble today.

Mo

Hey Mo

Well done with continuing with your positive attitude. I am sure this will really help you to achieve what you want to achieve.

Take care.

Feb.

Hey Mo, keep moving forward. focus on the process and the result eventually will come. Well done buddy.

All the best.

Laygro

Just one day at a time.

double post error.

Well done on continuing to be gamble free, and keep taking those small steps and soon you'll look back and see you've come a really long way.

As for healthy eating, it starts again tomorrow. Just had a few days at my parents' house, and my mum's cheesecake is too good to miss. :P

Hope you're doing well,

Ryan

Ryan, thanks for your post - I'm sorry to have to admit it but I've lapsed again. The block for one of my online sites was up today and without thinking I logged on. I am disappointed in myself and now can't block the site until withdrawal through in next couple of days. Why do we do this to ourselves? I wasn't even thinking of gambling earlier tonight!

On a positive note am still on healthy eating - no downfall there so at least that's one thing.

I need to be really strong tomorrow so I do not gamble.

I hope you're being strong Ryan.

Mo

Being positive after falling again........been reading inspirational posts from Jay Ell .....really feel that he's stopped posting and hope he's ok. It made me more determined to break the cycle and not go back again. In the last week I've not really thought that much about gambling...though maybe that's not quite true as I have tried a couple of times to check I'm still excluded from a site. What will I do when that expires....I hope I'm strong enough not to go down that route again. Things aren't great for me in my daily life but I am aware I am more fortunate than others so ......one day at a time...small steps

I have not gambled and will not gamble today.

Mo

Mo,

I have just read your diary and wanted to congratulate you on fighting this addiction and not just walking away at the first sight of trouble. You joined the forum at a time when many newcomers start a diary. Sadly, many are not here come the end of January. I am sorry I have not come across your diary before now.

At the beginning your journey will be hard. Days feel like a long time but I promise you once you get through this early period and allow the days to stack up you will begin to feel all the benefits of being free from the clutches from gambling and the benefits are many.

Your life seems very challenging at the moment and I am guessing you have a lot to deal with but as you say small steps towards a better life.

I would advise you to put as many blocks in place as possible during the early stages of recovery but equally important to find new things to take up your time. Anything from reading, watching T.V. - anything that gets you away from taking that first bet. Eventually, you won't be tackling one day at a time because something will happen in your head where you just believe in yourself and know the decision to not gamble is the correct one. That has happened to me and I don't need to battle with myself on a daily basis anymore. I know I am on the right path and I feel good about myself every day. We all have other stuff to deal with but every night when I go to bed I congratulate myself on not gambling and that makes that day a good day.

I will follow your progress. Keep trying. You haven't failed until you stop trying.

Tomso.

Hi Mo,

I would echo Tomso's comments above. It's very difficult in the beginning, but you just have to hang on in there and not give in to any urges. Don't think too much about reaching any sort of milestone or anything like that. Initially, the best thing is to take one day at a time and things will get easier the longer you go on. There's plenty of people on the forum that will continue to support you along the way. I'll definitely be coming back to see how you're getting on and hopefully see you beat this thing. The best of luck!

Hi Thomso & Martin

Thanks for your words of support. I'm ashamed to admit that I lapsed tonight. My self exclusion was up in one online site and It was as though I was in a trance logging on, depositing £20 then playing slots, I didn't enjoy it, wanted it to end ie lose my money so I could exclude myself again. Previously when I've lapsed I've kept trying to chase my loses sometimes losing hundred £'s chasing initial loss of £20. Thank goodness I came to my senses and excluded myself after losing £20. It's the fact that I've done that that is distressing to me as that's me back to day 1.

Both your posts are helping me think straight again, I can't undo what I just did but now I'll start afresh tomorrow.

Thanks for your support. Hope you are both coping. I'll try to have a wee read at your diaries.

Mo

Hi Mo

You are a fighter my friend! You had a small relapse. That's perfectly ok, i've had literally tens and tens and tens of relapses over the years in my attempts to stop gambling. All we can do is dust ourselves down, get back on the saddle and away we go again. At least the relapse was very short and no real damage done so you've caught yourself perfectly.

It's a blip and there may be more blips to come but as long as you catch yourself quickly as soon as that blip happens and get back on the saddle eventually you'll abstain from gambling and you'll find (as i have done) that the periods of non gambling become ever more bigger and bigger (surely a good thing).. we've all got this monster addiction/ illness to fight against but we are the ones really wanting to rid ourselves of this evil (it is pure evil gambling, nothing less).. keep going Mo and i'll look in every now and then to see how you are going. It is still very early days for me in my fight against Gambling so i'm in the same boat as you.

We will get there.

CHOOSE LIFE

Cheers

Craig

Hi Mo.

I'm sorry to hear that you lapsed, but it's not the end of the World. Many people here have re-lapsed, but came back stronger. Let us know how you're getting on. I'm sure you're doing well.