My first diary!

Hi ya,

Thank you for your post to was just the tonic that I needed at the end of a very long day.

I soooooo agree with you, first we address the gambling, then we look at the rest of lives

My good friend Smiler talks about living along side this addiction , cause he like myself believes we can not be cured , this addiction can only be arrested.

But if we focus on that alone even in recovery it is still ruling our life. This is what happened in my 5 years in recovery last time,

So me and you are on the same wave length. But I think we both new that already.

Keep fighting the good fight,

Dusty xxxxx

flagg. Just a quick line to say fella if there was a hall of fame of posts i would put your post to castle right at the very top. "INSPIRING" that is and says it all. Keep up the fantastic work i know it will only help in you own recovery. Duncs stepping forward never back.

Good Morning Diary,

Day 58 - Did I miss the apocalypse or something, driving to work no cars on the road, get to work no one answers the phone, and settle into work my phone isn't ringing! Actually forget complaining I should enjoy it really a whole day where I can just do my job plus the double bonus of not having my boss in either! Happy happy days!

So a short week this week after a long weekend! Mixed bag of a weekend really couldn't actually tell you anything I've done without having a think about it but no gambling thoughts, no gambling urges so progress continues on that front!

What I did notice this weekend was a few people

On the site starting to work through and pull through some difficult times. It's really great to see so much positive energy and as much as we all rally around our friends who are struggling it is always a million times nicer to see someone happy :)!

Right on with my day it looks busy but as nobody else is working it will at least be peaceful!

Day 58 - Quiet!

HIya Flagg

wow ..single handedly keeping the cogs of industry turning there as you must be the only person in work today...and Bossless...yay!

Thanks again for your post and kind words and yes a few people I notice are on a roll right now which is great to see...

I did chuckle at your "have qualms about the Royal family " as your Historian...

Was just imagining you being a fly on the wall overhearing some of our royal conversations yesterday discussing Freemasonry and the all seeing eye....The Knights of Malta and the Reptilians,The New World order and Kate and WIlls being distant cousins and how perhaps the moon is hollow plus the Illuminati flame and the Book of Enoch..

Just some light conversation there...No wonder Im messed up!! lol

Have a peaceful day

Rachel and Dotty ...xxx

HI Flagg,

thanks for the post on my diary, 8 weeks what an acheivement flagg it certainly has been a journey for all of us and at times been really tough, but you never gave up and each day you have grown in strength and character.

Keep at it flagg hope you have an easy day in work, back to work for me tomorrow.

Blondie day 43 x

Hi Flagg, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary 🙂

Well done on 58 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant!

Ur so supportive of others here, u should be proud of urself 🙂

Hope ur quiet day at work was not 2 bad!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Good morning,

Day 59 - I was reading a couple of new member diaries last night, weird how my day 1 seems quite a while ago now but in reality its very very early days still!

A couple of the new diaries will be interesting to follow as they mention weening themselves off gambling or still having a few small bets! I guess everyone has their own way of stopping or getting their life back on track but I honestly have not read many success stories from people who have decided to take this approach! I guess time will tell but I think totally abstaining is the safest approach, it's working for me at least I guess that the main thing!

Not much to report personally today still mega work busy so on that note I'll get back to it!

Day 59 - Still Abstaining!

Good morning to you too,

I agree with you. Staying completely away from those evil gambling companies really is the best way to go.

We have spent enough of our lives feeding our hard earned money to them. But no more.

Our lives are there to really enjoy from now on.

60 days for you tomorrow, eh? Sounds like we will both reach nice little milestones tomorrow.

NT

Hi Flagg

Congrats on your journey so far, keep up the good work.

Ultimately, we can only defeat this thing by abstaining completely, I was one of the people who had a few bets while winding down, for me, I had to wean myself off gambling (it took 4 single bets and one afternoon of trading), but I was also honest with myself and have now shut all the doors, and dont think about betting at all. If you have done something everyday for 10 years it is almost impossible to stop, cold turkey without relapsing, unfortuantely we all have to find our way out of this mess ourselves.

If you ask me now, I am 99.99% certain of the impossibility of having those small bets and surviving, its only a matter of time before disaster strikes, but thats a truth we all have to find for ourselves, unfortunately, we see ourselves as different but the reality is we are all the same,

John

I always think of this whenever I get any urges...

...one tiny, tiny bet WILL lead to disaster.

NT

Hey Diary,

Day 60 - I was just reading Charlotte's diary and trying to help her work through a tough patch! I need to heed my own advice really as I could relate to much of her post! The gambling isn't an issue I related more to Lucy in that respect! I feel with the gambling I have my barriers in place and I'm conscious of it rather than worried about it! It's the rest of life, I feel so sad lately, so tired, so lethargic, so de-motivated!

I wrote to Charlotte about taking some positives and I do believe these Things are a bi-product of stopping everyday gambling! However, dealing with them is another matter! I read about 5 separate articles last night on depression now I would be the last person in the world to ever suggest I was depressed but reading the symptoms, the types, the triggers, I worryingly believe I may be suffering with a progressively worsening state of depression!

All of the things mentioned above the sadness, de-motivation, tiredness are all things I sit here wanting to combat but they seem so hard to overcome! That isn't me at all!

Day 60 today and it's pretty nice that I have a GA meeting tonight I feel the combination of this site and GA have got me to this point! It's a tough point as I'm now feeling strong about not gambling but weak in life! The whole point of the diary and GA was to stop

Gambling this has been done for 60 days!

I will end a mainly negative post on that positive note!

Stay happy everyone!

Day 60 Bad but Good!

Hey Flagg

I think you have done brilliantly to get this far, so kudos for that, it looks like you are about to move onto a different part of the journey but essential to having continued success, gambling in a peverse way, keeps us from going mad, because we dont or cant deal with other aspects of our life, once our minds are clear from gambling, those issues, things etc reappear because we are no longer in escape mode. I think the fact that you are where you are now, means you have what it takes to deal with them properly, but even now you still have a choice, go through the pain of dealing with them or seek to escape, but the last 60 days must have proved to you, that you can do this as well, I know you can, so wishing you the strength to get through this part of your journey,

Thoughts

John

Hey flagg,

Thank you for the post, god what a combination that would be eh lol.

I really relate to your post today and updated my diary with my post for today at more or less the same time as you, i can also relate to the depression bit, i was off work for 4 weeks, this is my second week back in work and i think i was tettering on the edge of depression or a break down, its never been me ever, ive always been a cup half full type of person about most things, it was really difficult for me to work out where it came from, i was having my councelling about my loss etc of my dad and i had given up gambling, i wasnt in work and was all over the place.

I still have 3 more sessions of councelling planned, but i also feel like ive hit a bit of a wall and im not sure if its just a wall or the fall out from not gambling. What i would say flagg is i left it to long to go to the doctors i was a wreck by the time i went because i thought i had to be strong i was playing the superwomen role etc, keep an eye on it and if it doesnt sit well with you think about what steps you can take.

Its my meeting tonight also, have a good one there is always something of benefit i take out of the room with me.

Keep going flagg your a star

Blondie day 45 x

Hiya Flagg....

Thanks for your post and I have just realised both those Guy Pearce films I have also got in my collection ...a very underated actor for sure..

On how you feel at the moment I just wanted to add a few thoughts and maybe a slightly different take.

I never look at posts when your down or flat as being negative as your getting all the guck out and expressing your feelings.

Its totally life changing stuff we do on here and as the layers come off sadness and deflation is sometimes the consequence of the come down or cold turkey from our own particular crutches.(as you saw last week on my diary)

Sometimes geeing up and getting back on the horse too quick can be also not healthy as I found out since xmas ...trying to intellectualise it all processing too quick and then coming crashing down.

Some people think depression can be anger turned inward and I do subscribe to that thinking although some people don't agree.

I say to people on here "it's unconditional" from me and what I mean is that no matter what you type..the good,bad and ugly its all good to get it out.

If your up and down for weeks thats fine and you have so many people on here you can lean on.

Maybe you have to feel this for a while.

At the moment my body has put me on automatic so I can just about function in work...but i'm still low in mood.

Likewise i have also been on websites looking into depression as the other side of the coin to high anxiety...the flip side of running on adrenaline for years.

Many of us on here have cycles that we have now recognised....Dusty,Exmug,IanB,Blondie lots more i'm sure who maybe just have come to accept the downtimes and I say this only to say your not alone Flagg..

Am glad you have GA and as a hit and miss 12 stepper through Al anon and coda ...I know handing stuff over is hard. I sometimes hand my depression over then do the wrestle of handing over and taking back ..etc

Like Blondie says...trying to be that multi role playing superwoman and thinking i'm weak if i cant handle stuff.

Keep typing it out and like with Charlotte who has had a terrible time ...allow us to carry you for as long as it takes....theres no meter ticking and I cnnsider it a privilege...

Big hugs and ....its unconditional

Rachel and Dotty xxx

Hi Flagg, thank u 4 ur support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

Ur post really helped me think things thru clearer Flagg so thanks 🙂

I hope u r feeling happier, u r doing brilliant!

U should be sooo proud of urself.

U support so many ppl on here and it means alot. U give me hope 🙂

I hope ur meeting goes well 2nite.

Stay strong and keep going 🙂