My first diary!

Hi Flagg was debating wether to say this but feel you deserve my honesty. I have signed up for the 2013 gamble free thread and I have no plans for gambling online or in a bookies, scratch cards, pub machines etc but I do do the lottery. We have a pound a week syndicate at work and I have always done it. I totally understand the view that it is gambling and could lead to me doing 100 lucky dips etc but myself I've done the lotto on and off for years and been in this syndicate for a long time and never had the temptation to spend loads on the lotto.

The rules are clear and I totally understand if you stick 100% to those, so up to you if I'm on the list. Don't worry if I'm not, I'm not gonna sulk, I'm still determind to tick along with my diary. But I would like to be part of it. If I suddenly spent £20 on the lotto then fair enough that's gambling and I'd admit I'd had a gambling episode/slip.

Thanks Flagg, whatever you decide is fine. Will always appreciate your support and advice and no I'm not trying to butter you up lol

Hi Flagg me again. Just saw your post on my diary. Cheltenham thread sounds great, perfect length and daily check ins cheltenham week are a good idea. And also meant to say in the last post think the 2 threads are a great idea. The shorter one is a perfect start to the year. Start strong and something to celebrate early on. And then ofcourse lead nicely to the Cheltenham thread.

Three posts now. I'm officially your stalker lol. Just read your post thanks Flagg. I can't say I won't let ya down or I'll definitely not fail as its not my style to say such things as I know how hard this game is to beat but I know I will be giving everything and I am so committed to this site and my recovery. Thanks again and if I don't get chance to come on here tomorrow happy new year and congrats on another successful end to a thread.

Hi Flagg

You've been a busy bee today- thanks for opening the new threads.

Wishing you and yours a Happy and Healthy New Year!

Irene

x

Hi Flagg,

I should have wrote 2 u sooner 2day ... It would have been a better way 2 handle things I can see that now!

I have 2 be true 2 myself... So I just wanted 2 say that I think u r doing a gr8 thing with the threads and it is clear 2 see that u have lots of support and that is well deserved 🙂

However, I felt really confused and hurt by ur actions 2day and I just wanted 2 explain y... U asked me in the chatroom a few wks back if I would jointly run the yr thread with u I agreed... U then recently asked 4 my imput in chat which I gave and we agreed a thread... Then 2day u posted the details some of which I helped u with and were my ideas and u did not even mention my name has even helping u.... I would not have minded but don't understand y u asked me 2 jointly run it with u a while back... It seems odd!

Now thinking back, I remember when some1 else started a thread and u seemed concerned about it and u bought it up in chat so I can only think that u did this 2day cus u enjoy running the threads alone and it benefits ur own personal recovery which is gr8 and I support that 100% 🙂

I felt sad 2day as u r someone that I have so much time 4 here so I thought I would try and clear things up... However, if u want me 2 avoid u going 4ward then let me know and I will!

I still think u r an inspiration and I wish u well with all that u do 🙂

After all we all have one aim and we r all in this 2gether.... I have stepped down and will not be running my thread as it felt petty and like it was a competition with urs and that is the last thing I wanted... So u can run the threads and help keep ppl focused 🙂

I have asked 2 join the gamble free threads 2 keep me focused!

Charlotte

Flagg hope ur ok mate i dont want 2 hog ur diary so im going 2 post on my diary.

I really hope ur ok mate !!!!

Hi Flagg,

Ronnie has made a post that is obviously aimed at me 2nite... I could not sleep really bad urges and came 2 post on here 2 find this.... I will not be deleting my last post so gamcare can read it and if u think that I was bullying u in neway wot so ever that I truly apologise that was never my intention u r a good friend from chat and someone I felt I could be honest with and after ur mess this morning on my diary asking 4 my feedback that was purely wot it was my thoughts 🙂

Neway I hope u understand and I also truly hope u r ok xx

Hi Flagg,

Me again, I just wanted 2 pop in cus I think I will be taking a break from here after 2nite.. But I just wanted 2 say that I do not h8 ur threads I think they r gr8... All the times I joked with u on here and in chat I hope u realise I never meant nething by it I thought it was just a running joke between the 2 off us, I enjoyed having a laugh with u in chat and with G 🙂

I think u r an inspiration, 2day was just really tough 4 me and I was feeling emotional and so I think things got confused so sorry from the bottom off my heart if I upset u in neway or u felt bullied by me ever... I would be really upset if I thought u felt that it was never my intention neway 🙁

It is up 2 u if u believe me I am saying this from my heart but I can understand if u doubt me in neway after 2 nite!

Also wanted 2 say from the other nite their is no way that Barcelona fund will be going 2 ur sister I believe in u 🙂

Keep being u Flagg and helping us all 🙂

Charlotte xx

Morning Diary,

Day 267 - The final day of 2012. It has been a difficult year with many moments of real self loathing but, it has also been a year full of encouragement. In April I admitted to those closest that I had a gambling addiction. I don't think anyone I told was too surprised. As gamblers we live in our own little world or at least we think we do but actually many others exist in our world and we cause them untold pain and suffering.

The biggest event in 2012 though was admitting to myself I had an addiction. Gambling is a very selfish addiction yet in many ways recovery is equally so. The only way I was ever going to move forward was to admit my problem to myself. Having done that I can look back on the last 8 or so months with pride.

Things are still hard at times. Trust is not something that returns easily but in many ways that's a good thing. Trust is a dangerous weapon for a gambler to have. Financially I struggle not to the point where I cannot live but for my lifestyle and wage I should be far better off than I am.

However, life is better and a million times so. I became more attentive, reasonable, caring, motivated, focussed, willing and many more. Not overnight but over the last 8 months. These traits have always been there but gambling masked them and did so extremely well.

So, 2013 a year of real hope. I need to remain planted because things won't happen just because the calendar has changed but I do have a couple of huge things to look forward to and every bet free day is a step closer to them.

I wish all my Gamcare friends a Very Happy New Year and continued strength and determination into 2013!

Day 267 - Goodbye 2012!

Hi Flagg,

Thank u 4 ur post on my diary, it means a lot 🙂

I am also really sorry 4 the misunderstanding, but agree that we can put this behind us and move on 🙂 In fact I won't be mentioning it again!

Thank u 4 all the laughs we have shared this yr 🙂

Happy new yr xx

Hi Flagg,

Well 2012 is nearly gone....lets hope 2013 is good to all of us. I think with the support of each other it will.

Hope the gamcare night happens...would love to meet everyone and have a few toasts.

In the meantime....get your rocking chair out..put on your check slippers....maybe I will buy you a flat cap!

Happy new year my friend.

Sue xx

Hello,

Day 268 - No fresh starts just a continuation of the work started back in April last year.

Not much to say this morning struggling to wake up properly and it's all a bit anti climatic knowing back to work tomo.

Day 268 - New Year Same Philosophy!

Morning Flagg

Happy new year! Hope you had a good night last night. Looking forward to starting the new threads.

Take care

Nicki x

hey Flagg just want to wish you a very happy 2013 : ) and thankyou so much for all your support and advice ! your an amazing person on this site X

Morning Diary,

Day 269 - Back to the world of work this morning. The Xmas break is always over way too quickly. The build up is long and then the time itself over in a flash. It was a good break though and I don't mind admitting to a few post xmas blues last night.

None of that today though time to knuckle down and make this a memorable year for all the right reasons.

Day 269 - Back to work!