My first diary!

Massive well done on the 18 months really something to be so proud of. As i just said on another diary sometimes we forget that what were doing here is hard. Its an addiciton and addictions are hard to break so being able to do that for a day, a week, a month is a great achievement, doing it for 18 months goes beyond words. Its a life a changer. I think your a top bloke you've set your targets and you've smashed them, you've turned your life around and at the same time helped others do the same. I thank you for being part of the thread and being part of my recovery over the last 18 months, i may be some way off where you are but you have helped me move forward in many ways, so thank you. I will let you know that i plan to do another thread as it is a good way of keeping me focused. It would be a pleasure to have you on board again but i know your kinda stepping away ever so slightly so if you wanna give this one a miss no worries. Wishing you all the best for the future keep up the good work, having such a success story to read is inspiration for us all. Have a great weekend.

Hi Mr f

I'm so proud of you matey.....18 months, wow!

Thanks so much for your post and continued support- its been there for me since day 1. I still remember thinking you were a wee bit nuts when you spoke about my "lightbulb moment"- happily, you were right and I'm so grateful.

Its really lifting to read that there is a life beyond gambling and I'm experiencing that.

Thanks Flagg!

Take care

Irene

x

Good Evening Diary,

Day 569 - November 1st on Friday and time to get serious again. Much like last year I have floated quite happily through the summer months. I find everything a million times easier when the sun is shining and the days are longer.

Now that comfort zone is fading away for another year I find myself almost hanging on. This winter or from January onwards I have a few things planned to try and offset the winter depression which has crippled me in previous years. Until January I will attempt to keep motivation high and moods stable. I can see the fluctuations creeping in already but I'm hoping the rush before xmas (which I love) will quash the negativity.

Over the last 6 months I have tried to put a little money aside for January nothing major, just a little boost. I hope it can be used to do something nice in the early part of the year. In addition I have worked really hard this summer exercising 6 days a week and getting fit. I know from experience the motivation collapses in the New Year. So, I have asked santa for a brand new workout program for xmas. I hope having something new will help.

This is my attempt to make the first half of 2014 bearable or even pleasant. Gambling crippled me in many ways but after last year I'm pretty sure it didn't make me virtually unapproachable for 5 months of the year.

So, I am trying to plan ahead, I am trying to give myself and the people around me a chance. June to December is easy, January to May is almost impossible. I can't live the rest of my life as a Jekyll and Hide character.

On another very important note I have not had any gambling issues since my last post. Signing up to the forthcoming Christmas challenge should hopefully take me through another couple of months. It's still one day at a time but I do allow myself to think about the future now. Progress not perfection.

Day 569 - Planning Ahead!

Day 569 that's one big number. As always great to see you doing so well. As you said in your post the next few months are tougher but you now have a year+ gamble free time behind you and because of that your mind has been clearer this year and you have done the right things, planing ahead, preparing a couple of treats for yourself etc so with that greater understanding of yourself I think you'll surprise yourself this year, I hope that is the case.

Thanks for joining the thread, it was you starting them that really kept me on this site through the good and the far to many bad times but I'm still here and I'm still fighting and running these threads helped you get to we're you are now and I hope that the same can be said for me in 6 months/a years time.

Hi Flagg. I really identify with the seasonal timing of your gambling urges. Mine may be slightly different in terms of when but it is good to recognise this and be ready. Sometimes I know there is no chance that I will gamble for months in advance other times it can ALMOST be impossible to resist. Things are going well for me and I am inspired by your achievements. A massive well done to you comrade. DB

Good Evening Diary,

Day 581 - Just been having a scan of a few diaries and it's lovely to see a couple of people on the verge of reaching 1 year bet free. There are some scary stats out there about how few do 1 year bet free so it's a phenomenal achievement to reach that landmark.

The 'stats' are even scarier for those making it to the end of year 2. Currently I am flying through my second year but I know the tougher part of the year is upcoming for me. How do I maintain my recovery? Well simply put, I don't! Recovery is about progression not maintenance. The importance of staying on the front foot and not getting complacent cannot be emphasised enough.

What I realised early on was recovery wasn't going to be complete in a few days. Yes there were some quick wins associated with abstinence but for me I have had to work hard on patience. If you stay patient recovery will progress and you will learn more and more about yourself.

I hope as year 2 continues and the tougher times come I can remain patient and remind myself what a hugely positive year 2013 has been. Recovery is not complete on day 1 day 100 or even day 581 it's an ongoing process and we must work at it one day at a time.

Day 581 - Still recovering!

Good Evening Diary,

Day 600 - I guess we all have our own motivations and drivers to help us stay bet free! For me, the numbers have been a real driving force so I won't hide the fact I take some pride in reaching 600 days bet free! Some have said you can almost become addicted to abstinence and to some extent I would say I fall Into that category! I'm sure any addiction can have its problems and I'm sure my obsession with the numbers and maintaining my £1 a day saving for every bet free day can look a bit odd! However, I can safely say this far down the line my new addiction/obsession is far healthier than my previous one!

I have almost conceded that I have an obsessive nature and it has become more about channeling rather than suppressing! I have accepted what I am and take the necessary steps to ensure my flaws are not destructive! It's an ongoing process and a challenge at times but its a challenge I have accepted and continue to win! First calendar year bet free is on the horizon that's my current obsession I think that's well channeled!

Day 600 - Acceptance!

Good Morning Diary,

Day 621 - Diary updates have become less and less frequent in recent months. Partly to do with riding the crest of an extended summer wave, and partly because it is probably a natural progression to step away gradually.

I remember saying last year I really like xmas and the build up to it is definitely keeping my spirits high. However, I am very conscious that the dark afternoons/nights are beginning to eat into my motivation and appetite for exercise.

Still no issues on the gambling front. I say still as though one day they will come. I guess that's a cautious approach but why not, gambling took a lot from me.

Right, enough ramblings. Merry Christmas to all and stay strong over what can be a challenging period.

Day 621 - Merry Xmas!!

Good Morning Mr f

Just popped along to wish you a very Happy New Year! I hope all's well in your world 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Hello Mr. Flagg and a late merry Christmas and happy new year to you. I don't blame you from steeping back a bit. You know the site is here for you as and when you need it. But you've done so well and as you say your still taking it a day at a time so your still doing the right things, it's time now to enjoy that gamble free time and reap the rewards of all that hard work and effort that you've put in over the last 600+ days. You deserve all the good you get out of life now and I hope 2014 delivers for you. I wanna thank you for all the help and support you have given me and for those threads back in the day lol. Been a massive help and inspiration getting me to this point were I really believe I can do this. Take are Flagg. Keep leading the way and I'll keep trying to keep up!

Good Afternoon Diary,

Day 646 - First post of the New Year and it's already mid Jan. Must say I have surprised myself so far this month. I'm certainly not the all action person I become in the summer but I am holding my own currently. My moods are relatively stable and generally good. I have done a few days of exercise and have just managed back to back days which is very new territory.

I spent the opening days of the year obsessing about a summer holiday. My obsessive nature I have accepted is me so I channel it into something useful. The end result is a very nice looking holiday booked for September. I thrive on having things to look forward to and having it already booked really helps the psyche.

No problems on the gambling front. This site is constantly setup on my phones internet browser so although I post irregularly now I actually still have a browse every single day. I think having that nagging reminder on a daily basis is enough not to go back to pre April 2012.

On a final note I have setup a 2014 bet free thread. Last years was really uplifting with 7 people doing a whole calendar year bet free and others having some really prolonged bet free periods. The thread is pretty straightforward to moderate and it keeps me focussed too. I hope people can benefit from it.

Day 646 - Mid Jan Already?

Hey flagg,

I am not sure I ever wrote on your diary before, but I surely know I joined your new tread!!! 🙂

Thank you so much for the opportunity to be part of it and people like you helps so many souls on here.

Something we tense to lose now and again...concentration, belief, determination, patience.

You are great and I do read your posts. So much wisdom and strength in your words. Thank you for sharing, and I am proud to fight this battle alongside you.

Keep it up, you doing fantastic and I salute you dear fighter 🙂

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Flagster

Like you, my posting's not so prolific any longer, but it's great to read that the "old timers" are still doing well.

Thank goodness for that "lightbulb moment", life here's so much better!

Take care

Irene

x

Good Morning Diary,

Day 674 - Life remains very stable considering the time of year and my previous struggles. I have been fortunate so far this year in that my sister has been super motivated to exercise. This has really been a spur for me to *** on also.

I remember saying at the end of 2012 that 2013 would be my year. Although it was definitely a massive improvement I cannot honestly say it panned out quite how I anticipated, particularly those early months.

This year has really started on a far more positive note, and if like previous years it gets better as it progresses then 2014 could be very good indeed.

Day 674 - Great start!

Good Morning Diary,

Day 700 - Browsing the forum this week it's been great to see the continued progress made by both Gazza and Lazarus. I know myself and Duncs mention the stats at times and the harsh reality is far too few people maintain abstinence for long periods. So, a huge thumbs up to both of those guys.

I very rarely post outside of my own diary anymore but I did just throw a few thoughts into the ring on the overcoming gambling thread. It's been a lively debate over there but on the whole healthy. The reality is we are all different, we all have our opinions, and those differences are the reason why many believe recovery is a bespoke process. Do what works for you and as long as you abstain it obviously works.

700 days for me today. It seems like yday that I was on the countdown to 1 year last March and looking forward immensely to the trip to Barcelona. This year it will be a low key affair. April 9th will be 2 years and then my new countdown to being debt free will really begin.

The debt free dates are currently an estimate but I know this time next year I will either be there or at least very close. I think it goes to show the financial destruction can take even longer to fix than the mental torture. This is often the route back to gambling when the head clears and we suddenly think gambling can clear that debt a little quicker. Fortunately in some ways for me I'm not convinced the head has ever entirely cleared and abstinence remains my number 1 priority.

On that note and a final point for myself to refer back to one day. Many say when they 'see the light' and stop gambling it rekindles their ambition. For me I would suggest it almost quashed mine. Before xmas I looked into maybe changing jobs and getting back on some kind of 'career path'. After analysing everything I decided against it as I didn't feel ready to let go of my current routine and comfort. Playing it safe or quashed ambition? A question I can maybe revisit in the future.

Day 700 - Countdown to April 9th