My Journey

Hi Diary.

Well day 4...No gambling!

Have had quite a strange day. I work as a support worker with adults who have cerebral palsy and today we had sports day! Umm i'm not the fittest but I ran, threw,danced and cycled! Funny thing in the past would have gone home rushing to the computer and gambled. Today I embraced everything , genuinely laughed and had fun, If this is what being a non gambler is I want more!!

Don't get me wrong the pain off loss and addiction is still there but I feel progress is being made.

After sports day popped round to my bestie friends and had a beer in her "fairy garden" and listened to her wise old words. Came home (even after few tears with her) feeling quite euphoric..Even thought about popping to the local to watch England play.

Sat in my room now knowing I ain't going nowhere...Got to update my diary and let all my new friends know i'm ok. In time will get to socialise once more.

I have day off tomorrow, mum is going out so dangerous time.Will I gamble...not a chance.

Thank you everyone for your compassion and wise words of wisdom.

Peace and Love to all Sue

Day 4...Going strong XXX

Hey Hun

Thanks for the bump:0)

Its strange how the first week or so you get that euphoric feeling like your walking on air and everything is good,i think it comes from making a decision instead of just wallowing in your own sludge as the great dotty puts it.

today was a good day and tomorrow will be too.

If urges get to great on your day off get out of the house and have a walk,until the urge goes away.put some distance between you and the computer or just get on here and read and waffle on your diary.

Day 5 here we come

Stay Strong

E xx

Hi Sue, thanks for your post on mine:)

I know 4 weeks doesn't sound much, but I could.ve been at 8 weeks had I not fell off the wagon 🙁

My slip was the best thing to happen to me, it shook me up, made me realise that this gamble free life is the one for me. I despised the old feelings that that 1 stupid mistake brought back, and my whole attitude and outlook towards gambling has changed since then.

We each cope with what the day brings, and I know in my heart that I will not gamble again, and I truly hope that one day you will share this feeling.

Your job sounds wonderful, must be so rewarding , and I applaud you for being one of lifes carers/givers 😀

Im glad your popping into the diaries, as Elizabeth says, the support on here is nothing short of amazing, and I too would still be sitting in an arcade throwing my life away to the slots, had it not been for my friends on here, and all the help and advice they have given me.

Stay strong, fight the good fight,

All the best

Cameron

HI Sue,

Thank you for your post its always appreciated. How good does that feel eh.. its funny when we stop gambling its like we start to see and hear things for the first time, we start to appreciate the simple things in life, or maybe its just life itself... I supressed all my feelings and emotions with gambling and it feels good to feel them again some of it has been hard and painfull but working my way through it slowly is helping me to understand myself again.

I like the person im becoming, I hope to share your journey of discovery and recovery to.

Enjoy it sue, your doing brilliant.

Blondie day 57 xx

Morning Sue, hope this post finds you well.

Today is a good day for me, Im in fine fettle and want to share my feelgood factor !!

Wishing you a great day, stay strong and don't give the gambling any of your hard earned money, nor even an inch of your soul, coz thats what he feeds off, and he aint getting no more, no sireee. We are worth so much more, we owe it to ourselves and our loved ones to rise above it and show the world just how good, honest and desrving people we really are.

Have a good un

Cameron 🙂

Hello Diary!

Firstly reading back what everyone has said in my diary makes so much sense. Gambling makes us into someone we are not, somebody we don't like.

Giving up is the only way forward!

Anyways you will all be pleased to know DAY 5

whoopie........

For the first time since I made that pact with myself I got the URGE. Instead of trying to find a way to gamble I looked at ways to overcome the urge.

Stripped bed....mmmmm...washed, dried on the line and back on the bed...How good are clean sheets fresh from blowing in the summer breeze (summer song coming on lol)

Also have totally neglected myself for quite sometime, I used to forget to eat, drink too much, smoke too much.

Well went shopping to supermarket today, did you know SPAM fritters are only £1...Havn't had them in years, guess what I have for supper!

Also brought all cheaper brands of other food, amazing what you can save eh?

I do want to quit smoking eventually but not ready at the moment.

Drinking....mmm...I do enjoy a drink but don't feel I overdo it but in the past when I did drink a little too much my gambling went completely crazy. Guess I need to be aware.

Enough rambling for the time being, may be back later. Going to do some reading now!

Still can't believe how fantastic this site is. Why oh why didn't I join before. Well i'm here now and not going anywhere!

Sue xx

Just be aware Sue that gambling and drinking are a lethal combination , drink was always my downfall in recovery and one too many on Sundays led to blow out after blow out until you have no money left.

I only drink when im with my partner now and I know I cannot gamble in her presence or she would kill me.

However if you have blocked all lines of gambling at home then having a drink shouldnt be too much of a problem

Thanks for your comments Jon. Yes I guess I was the same it was usually when I did exceed my limit that I would go crazy!

Cards not here, sites blocked...Happy dayz, Oh and also a different outlook on life.

So glad you cannot gamble in front of your o/h keep going strong Jon xx

Hi Sue,

What a great post to read, in only the first few days you are starting to look elsewhere when the urges come!

Clean sheets, lovely lol

Shopping and starting to look after Sue, good to see.

I too smoke too much but hey one addiction at a time !

Drinking , as long as you are enjoying why not and to be careful knowing the gambling can start will mean you have your guards up and know to be careful

It's good to see this post Sue and hope there are many more to come!

And yes..... Smiling Lucy is back

Keep Strong! xxxx

Hi Sue, Spam Spam Spam Spam, off course I remember it - and some !!! hahaha .

Wonderful post from u today, u have truly found your feet on this rocky road, and well done for how you coped when Mr Urge showed up, you go girl , u show him he aint welcome anymore - another wee song in there somewhere !!

You are doing soo well Sue, keep at it, it is such a worthwhile journey.

Take care

Cameron

Just turn around your not welcome anymore!!!

Cameron you got me singing now...Sounds a bit more melodic than spam ,spam spam lol

Ahhh Smiling Lucy...thank you so much for your support....I think you may have been a wise old owl in your past life!

Anyways lets get on with my day today.

Hmmmmmm

Day 6...No Gambling!

Day started out BAD....Overslept the alarm (thats twice this week) What's going on? I never sleep in, always up with the *** of dawn, have to be at work at 7. Woke up 6.30...no coffee...grr...consequence...Grumpy Sue at work.

Dropped everything...You name it I dropped it...medication, milk, rice crispies...Shall I go on?

Too many jobs to do as no-one else could drive...People to drive around, dinner for 10 to make, medication to give.....Got home late and Knackered (can I say that word?)

But one thing for sure,

Today I will not gamble, In the past this would of sent me straight to the slots....Today I write on my diary!

I am feeling so tired all the time but thank goodness is I have a week off next week.

I must plan and keep myself occupied, Going to stay with my daughter for 1 night and am going to plan other activities...Anything but gamble!

Peace and love...And NO gambling to all

Sue xxx

Hi Sue,

Even after a trying day Sue remains positive 😉

A week off next week, lovely , time with your daughter , priceless and a week finding new things to do instead of gambling oh my just bloody brilliant!

Sue , your determination is already shining through and long may it continue!

Thank you for your lovely post on mine , it's helps me soooo much

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy xxxxx

Well done so far sue your doing great!!!

Just for today I won't gamble x

thanks for the post sue.

Your doing so well, keep that singing voice girl, keep that postive attitude it will take you far.

Be proud of what you have achieved sue, small steps to the bigger picture. 🙂

Take care

Blondie xxx

Hey hun

Just popping in to say hi and see how things are going and from the looks of it everything is good sort of lol

Maybe your over sleeping because your finally relaxing and not living on your nerves its amazing how adrenaline affects us.

Heres to another day of no gambling

Stay Strong

E xx