I first realised I had a problem in 2014/2015. But looking back, I’ve had a problem for a long time.
I’ve played fruit machines since I can remember. When I was 30 I was earning a living from it. Of course, these were machine that worked on percentages. When I won, I was merely winning some other poor sods money. This was at my local bingo club.
Things changed, as did my life. I met my now partner and moved in with him, I didn’t really miss gambling. I had a new life. Things changed in the bingo halls. Percentage fruit machines were starting to become a thing of the past. There were these new flashy multigame machines and instead of working on percentages, these were “random.”
Years later I occasionally went to a different bingo and would still always have the urge to play, and did. I’d rarely win on these occasions. I’d chase and chase until I could chase no longer. 9/10 I’d leave with just penny’s in my purse.
I guess it was around 2012/2013 I started playing online. First it was just bingo. And I won. The sign up bonuses were fantastic, so much so I joined my partner. Then I had a little dabble on the online slots. I made multiple accounts for multiple people....
It got to the point where I couldn’t open anymore accounts. Meaning I couldn’t get the 250% bonus. Well, I could use my own funds. I enjoyed playing, I’d won plenty, it couldn’t hurt, could it?
Two or three years later the money was long gone. As was my monthly wages. I owed a few thousand to my partner. But I still couldn’t stop.
In 2015 I first joined Gamcare and used the chat rooms. I can’t remember exactly the last 5 or 6 years. I’ve gambled off and on. I’ve had long periods of not gambling.
About a month ago I removed Gamban from my iPad and started the cycle again.
There have been numerous times when I have been able to get my balance high. I’ve deposited money but within hours my balance was 0!
I feel guilt for gambling. My partner pays for everything. It’s not fair. I now feel ready to quit for good.
Do I really want to? Hell no! But I no longer want gambling to dictate my moods. Because it does! I become a gambling J****E. A zombie who is irritated by my partner when I’m losing.
So I returned to gamcare and have signed up to weekly councilling. I had my first chat (on phone) on Thursday. It felt good.
Today is day 4, I feel positive!
Thanks for sharing! Well done for starting the counselling. I feel this can make abuse difference
Hey Tizzy
Really cool to read where you've come from and where your at, very positive and powerful moves......
i hope we all can find other natural positive/non damaging ways to get highs/excitement
out of/mixed in with the normal humdrum repetitive existences most of us live
to tick the boxes make us feel more alive n kicking 🙂
Hi again. Great to speak to you in chat today
Thanks Debsy and Natural for your kind comments!
Day 5 today! Whoop whoop ✌️✌️✌️???
Hi tizzy,
Glad you are posting regularly and putting a sensible head in dealing with things.
Around on FB if you need advice, help or a good old vent !!!
Best x
You're making an excellent start Tizzy ... it's all in the planning, approach and right attitude. You are showing all three 🙂
Hey Bal & Roch, thanks so much for your words of support. As we know, it means a lot!
Day 6 already!!
I don’t know if it’s the same with all addictions, but complacency has played a big part for me in my gambling addiction. That, and the fact it’s so easy to just think to yourself “I’ll just have a little go.” Do others have these thoughts? There’s no such thing as a little go. Not for me anyway! It just brings my demons out. I’ve tried being a “normal gambler”..... one that doesn’t chase. One that doesn’t spend almost every hour gambling when you have funds in your account. It doesn’t happen. It’ll never happen. That’s not me.
So, for now, I’ll continue to seek solace here, amongst people who understand. ?
So, I’ve reached 7 days! Feeling a bit low today, not really gambling related.
Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow ?
So, today marks 8 days under my belt.
I have my second counselling “sess” tomorrow, and I can’t wait.
Have a good evening everyone ?
Ten days today!
sadly not feeling great. Personal reasons. But, I’m still here going strong...x
Nice to meet you in chat Tizzy and well done on the 10 days !
So, after bad news, stress, followed by excuse after excuse I’m back on the right track.
I haven’t gambled since Wednesday 2nd. Which means today is day 4 for me. (Using my diary for reference as I can never ever remember day 1 dates!) There have been a couple ?
Sleeping soooo much better!!!! Feeling optimistic ?
So, after bad news, stress, followed by excuse after excuse I’m back on the right track.
I haven’t gambled since Wednesday 2nd. Which means today is day 4 for me. (Using my diary for reference as I can never ever remember day 1 dates!) There have been a couple ?
Sleeping soooo much better!!!! Feeling optimistic ?
Hi Tizzy,
Glad to see you are on day 4. Keep it up, you can do this ?
Thanks Secret. Much appreciated xx
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