I first realised I had a problem in 2014/2015. But looking back, Iāve had a problem for a long time.Ā
Iāve played fruit machines since I can remember. When I was 30 I was earning a living from it. Of course, these were machine that worked on percentages. When I won, I was merely winning some other poor sods money. This was at my local bingo club.Ā
Things changed, as did my life. I met my now partner and moved in with him, I didnāt really miss gambling. I had a new life. Things changed in the bingo halls. Percentage fruit machines were starting to become a thing of the past. There were these new flashy multigame machines and instead of working on percentages, these were ārandom.āĀ
Years later I occasionally went to a different bingo and would still always have the urge to play, and did. Iād rarely win on these occasions. Iād chase and chase until I could chase no longer. 9/10 Iād leave with just pennyās in my purse.Ā
I guess it was around 2012/2013 I started playing online. First it was just bingo. And I won. The sign up bonuses were fantastic, so much so I joined my partner. Then I had a little dabble on the online slots. I made multiple accounts for multiple people....
It got to the point where I couldnāt open anymore accounts. Meaning I couldnāt get the 250% bonus. Well, I could use my own funds. I enjoyed playing, Iād won plenty, it couldnāt hurt, could it?
Two or three years later the money was long gone. As was my monthly wages. I owed a few thousand to my partner. But I still couldnāt stop.Ā
In 2015 I first joined Gamcare and used the chat rooms. I canāt remember exactly the last 5 or 6 years. Iāve gambled off and on. Iāve had long periods of not gambling.Ā
About a month ago I removed Gamban from my iPad and started the cycle again.Ā
There have been numerous times when I have been able to get my balance high. Iāve deposited money but within hours my balance was 0!
I feel guilt for gambling. My partner pays for everything. Itās not fair. I now feel ready to quit for good.Ā
Do I really want to? Hell no! But I no longer want gambling to dictate my moods. Because it does! I become a gambling J****E. A zombie who is irritated by my partner when Iām losing.Ā
So I returned to gamcare and have signed up to weekly councilling. I had my first chat (on phone) on Thursday. It felt good.Ā
Today is day 4, I feel positive!Ā
Thanks for sharing! Well done for starting the counselling. I feel this can make abuse differenceĀ
Hey Tizzy
Really cool to read where you've come from and where your at,Ā very positive and powerful moves......
i hope we all can find other natural positive/non damaging ways to get highs/excitement
out of/mixed in with the normal humdrum repetitive existences most of us live
to tick the boxes make us feel more alive n kicking šĀ
Hi again. Great to speak to you in chat todayĀ
Thanks Debsy and Natural for your kind comments!Ā
Day 5 today! Whoop whoop ✌️✌️✌️???
Hi tizzy,
Glad you are posting regularly and putting a sensible head in dealing with things.
Around on FB if you need advice, help or a good old vent !!!
Best x
You're making an excellent start Tizzy ... it's all in the planning, approach and right attitude.Ā You are showing all three šĀ
Hey Bal & Roch, thanks so much for your words of support. As we know, it means a lot!
Day 6 already!!
I donāt know if itās the same with all addictions, but complacency has played a big part for me in my gambling addiction. That, and the fact itās so easy to just think to yourself āIāll just have a little go.ā Do others have these thoughts? Thereās no such thing as a little go. Ā Not for me anyway! It just brings my demons out. Iāve tried being a ānormal gamblerā..... one that doesnāt chase. One that doesnāt spend almost every hour gambling when you have funds in your account. It doesnāt happen. Itāll never happen. Thatās not me.Ā
So, for now, Iāll continue to seek solace here, amongst people who understand. ?
So, Iāve reached 7 days! Feeling a bit low today, not really gambling related.Ā
Hopefully Iāll feel better tomorrow ?
So, today marks 8 days under my belt.Ā
I have my second counselling āsessā tomorrow, and I canāt wait.Ā
Have a good evening everyone ?
Ten days today!
sadly not feeling great. Personal reasons. But, Iām still here going strong...x
Nice to meet you in chat Tizzy and well done on the 10 days !
So, after bad news, stress, followed by excuse after excuse Iām back on the right track.Ā
I havenāt gambled since Wednesday 2nd. Which means today is day 4 for me. (Using my diary for reference as I can never ever remember day 1 dates!) There have been a couple ?
Sleeping soooo much better!!!! Feeling optimistic ?
So, after bad news, stress, followed by excuse after excuse Iām back on the right track.Ā
I havenāt gambled since Wednesday 2nd. Which means today is day 4 for me. (Using my diary for reference as I can never ever remember day 1 dates!) There have been a couple ?
Sleeping soooo much better!!!! Feeling optimistic ?
Hi Tizzy,
Glad to see you are on day 4. Keep it up, you can do this ?Ā
Thanks Secret. Much appreciated xx
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