[Closed] My Last Bad Day

I lied. I wasn't over it. I phoned the helpline and talked to a Human Being and I no longer want to die because people of FB hate me. 

Dang, I am so pathetic. 

D. 

Hi DramaLlama,

It's not at all pathetic to be affected by other people's actions, and you're not pathetic for feeling. The important thing is that you reached out for support when you needed it, both from your auntie and the helpline, that shows real strength. 

I hope you managed to rest and that things feel better this morning.

Best wishes,

Elizabeth - Forum Admin

Hi drama,

Sorry to hear about friends on FB. True friends sticks arpund through thin and thick so dont let these ones affect you too much.. concentrate on your wellbeing and peace.

Happy birthday to little one!!! (Not so little)..can you give her a scratch behind the ear from me? ? and a pat on her back!

Stay safe & look after yourself

S&B xx

Thank you Elizabeth and Sandra for stopping by my diary. It is kind of you. I appreciate your support. x

My Day. 

Hubby got me up very early. I told him to put the big light on when he went to make me a brew cos I knew I was gonna go back to sleep. It worked and I got up. I picked out a shift dress and black boots but I could only find one of my knee-high black socks. Couldn't find the other one anywhere so I switched up the dress for a grey pin stripe 3 piece suit and a sky blue oxford shirt with little navy blue stars on it. I looked well smart. I put on a full length wool coat that I normally save for funerals at Church. 

I set off at 8 and got to work for 9. Traffic was torture, it's normally a 22 minute drive. Nightmare. 

I got a bacon and egg buttie in Sainsburys so I could get money for parking from the change. Least I ate summat. I discovered that my boss had called in sick with flu bogies. Great! I'm sorry he's sick but more sorry I'd have to go in the meeting by me'sen. 

I got my thoughts together and went and knocked on the door where f&K were meeting and explained that J is sick and won't be joining us. They invited me in and then hit me with the fact that our department is getting audited by some high level international people. Great! We really don't need that a couple months into the project when we are still sorting out all the terms of reference and everything. 

I excused myself at the end of the discussion cos that's what I do, I don't loiter. 

I emailed my bosses boss and some tech person and gave them the full lowdown on what I'd found out. My bosses boss emailed back to say my email was comprehensive and she appreciated the update. I can do no more as all the decision making is outta my hands. 

I left work at 2pm and went to the Doc's to put in a prescription request. I took my last happy pill this morning and absolutely need some more. I'll go see the chemist and get it tommoz. 

I logged in to work from home and T was like "didn't you like my company". I apologised that I never said goodbye but had an errand to run and my mind was focused on that. He was alright. 

Lot's of people commented on my outfit today and said I looked very smart and lovely and stuff. So that was nice. 

Hubby came down to make me a brew at 3.30ish. A lady from the counselling place called me to check on my mood. I was gonna go out to talk to her but Hubby took the hint and went upstairs. I told her how I was feeling and that. She recommended a social media break but it's hard. I get so lonely, I enjoy the company of chatting online. I have been on the FB and my Aunt and Godmum's and some other people have said that I'll never get rid of them. The counsellor lady also suggested, I might wanna be more picky with my friends list cos clearly people that I know from just Twitter and not from real life are not real friends. I might act on that advice but I don't wanna hurt people like I've been hurt. I know I'm being silly with all this but I do feel it alot. 

I did my 3 cleaning jobs tonight like normal. I am tired. My eyes are twitching. Like winking involuntarily. I'm making Hubby some fish n chips and then I'm going to bed. 

Oh, my dog has eaten loads of food today. Sausages, Chicken and the actual complete dog food. From my hands, Hubby's hands and from the actual bowl!

I gave her a cuddle from SB and told her it was from you. She enjoyed it. 

That will do. 

N'nite from 

Drama 

xoxoxox 

Gosh please don't think that I don't think you guys are real friends cos this really feels like a good community and I love you guys. You know what I'm trying to say about my experience of social media is all. x

I can't sleep and just dropped by to say hi, your doing brill and I enjoy reading your diary ?

You seem like a lovely kind person

Stace x

Totally agree with you there Stacy. DramaLlama is an absolute treasure (as are you) and I also love reading her diary.

I was going to say that reading about her exploits is the highlight of my day but that would make me seem like a silly old fool but than I realised that I am a silly old fool so why try to hide it. Lol. But the good news is that whilst one stays gamble-free, life should get better every day. Yihaaa. Woohoo.

Stacy & Drama rocking along though sadness they remembers

Hoping this month is the very best of all of their Novembers

These charming lovely ladies have charisma and good taste 

Staying calm whilst in control avoiding the bustle and haste

And up ahead the future waits for them with open arms

So keep your hopes and dreams alive and exercise your charms

Stephen x x 

Thank-you Stace and Stephen, if it wasn't for the kind thoughts and welcome that you gave me I don't reckon I'd have kept up with my diary so you can take credit for the diary that you enjoy reading. God bless you xxx

Friday *phew*

What a week. I am very worn out. I WFH today. I did zero work. Set up a couple files and sent a couple emails but mostly just watched movies. I watched The Departed [2006]. It's full of violence and gang stuff but I really enjoyed the Boston mentality. The way they were sarcastic and funny with each other made me belly laugh. The jokes were very close to the bone. I rated it on my FB (I do that). My baby brother and I had fun sharing quotes and laughing at them. It was fun. 

I went to the sandwich shop for breakfast. I had a BLT with mayo and grated cheese. It was beautiful. Hubby was happy cos he was worried that I hadn't eaten last night. I had told him I was gonna eat a curry when he'd gone upstairs but I really wasn't. I just said it cos he hates the smell of curry and I knew he would scarper instead of checking I had eaten. (Sneaky DramaLlama). 

I went to the chemist to see if they had my prescription. They didn't. 

I went on chat for a spell at lunchtime. That was nice. 

I called the chemist again later in the afternoon and they still hadn't got it. I called the Doc's and told the lady there that I was worried about going the weekend without my anti-depressants and she's like we sent it across electronically at 1.30pm. I said I hear you but they haven't got it. I repeated my concerns but she just told me to contact them again. I give up! 

I did nowt this afternoon either. Went to my first cleaning job at 4pm. It was a state. I made it better. I came home for a brew and then went to my next one. Now, my legs were itching me like mad, starting at my ankles and gradually getting all the way up to my groin area. I thought "that will do" so I went to the supermarket and got some bits and then went home. I took my jeans off and found I'd been bitten all up and down my legs by fleas. Charming! I've put some ointment on them and they feel better. The dog is flea free as far as I can tell and so is the house but I suspect the car must have them in cos I forgot to treat that so I shall have to hoover and spray it in the morning. Summat else to do! 

I have two cleaning jobs left to do. I'll pick them up over the weekend. 

I had a Ginsters Pasty with HP sauce for tea followed by a sugared ring doughnut (keeping it healthy). 

I watched Gogglebox on telly. Very funny show. I belly laughed at that too. They do say laughter is the best medicine so I'll just try stick to funny show's and stuff and hope that gets me through my pill free weekend. 

G'nite All

Drama

xoxoxox

Can't sleep. I wish I'd bought lots of beer cos I'd be passed out now. 

Shame I promised Debbie I'd be sensible with what I bought. 

*sigh*

Dave, I believe you are posting to help me but I can't understand what you are saying. I've read it several times today but sometimes it feels like you are from planet Earth and I am an amoeba on Mars and I just don't get it. I really don't mean to be disrespectful. I shall re-read what you put when I am feeling better. 

This Day. 

It's my worst day of the year. It's the anniversary of the bad thing that happened to me when I was 16. Lot's of bad things happened to me prior to that day. Lot's and lot's. But on that day I thought I was free of it so to go through what I did and be so utterly violated at a point in my life when I thought I was free of it was the worse. It messed with my sense of self. I became a victim. I hate that! 

I talked with my Debbie about it last week and how I was building up to the anniversary and that. 

I've had the worst prep for the day though. Like it's always an unpleasant day but to have my Doc's and Chemist not be able to figure out getting me the anti depressants when I begged for them was a real punch in the stomach. I didn't sleep last night, not at all. Hubby was great, he knew I was struggling with the withdrawal symptoms and got up with me and watched a movie and sat with me. He's earned so many Hubby points he doesn't even know. 

I got some sleep between maybe 8 and 10 when my phone started buzzing. Hubby was upstairs in his mancave. I was having a dream about how aliens took over the planet and tampered with tampax to impregnate with all the females when I was rudely awoken. 

It was my Dad! Like this day isn't bad enough. He said Mum wanted me to take her shopping. They haven't bothered with me all year! They never do until it gets close to my birthday and we have to play this game where they pretend to love and care about me and I have to pretend they are the absolute BESTEST parents. 

I'm sorry if I upset anyone in chat. I just needed to vent. 

I'm going to bed. I can't deal with anymore of today. 

D. 

No upset drama xx hope tomorrow is easier 

Oh drama.. hugs to you. 

I won't go into it but from age 14-16 I suffered badly at the hands of someone (not saying you did) just saying that's when I first became a victim to life's horribleness. Still to this day, aged 33 I'm traumatized 

I completely get that anniversaries of any kind of trauma are extremely difficult to cope with. 

I hope your ok and manage to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully will get to chat tomorrow. Remember you still have my email address, use it if you need to talk, doesn't matter what I'm going through, I will ALWAYS be there for anyone who needs me, wether it's friends , family or strangers (cyber friends).

Take care

Stace xx

Stace, I am sorry to hear about what you experienced. Thank you for being brave enough to tell me. I just feel super close to you at this time cos we have a lot in common. You are a good egg. x

Day After Yesterday. 

The less said about what I got up to and felt like doing last night the better. Needless to say I got wellied and made a show of myself. 

I woke up at 7am absolutely hank marvin! I got up and made two bacon butties and took them back to bed. Hubby woke up and is like what you doing. Eating a bacon sandwich pal. I anticipated you would wake and made you one too. He ate it. I went back to sleep. 

Hubby took my phone off me last night at my request. I woke to my Smartwatch buzzing cos the gambling helpline was calling. I went to get the phone from the loft but it rang off before I got up there. 

I called them back and a woman was short with me when I tried to explain I was returning their call so I said I was okay and just tell whoever needs to know, I said I'm off back to bed and hung up. 

Someone called me back shortly after. She was lovely. Really personable. We chatted about my carry on last night. Things that scare me. Maybe thinking about Trauma Counselling which I dunno if that would help but I said I would consider it and I really meant it. I turned it down at the time cos I was a moody kid. I also turned down the compo I got offered because I was insulted with being offered money for a bad thing that happened. Like money doesn't fix ought. I tell ya, I'd take it now. All pride has gone! Anyways so we had a lovely chat. 

I got a VM from my Dad. I called them and got my big brother. He was looking after my Mum whilst my Dad did the food shop. I'm a little snotty so I just said I was poorly and he said you don't sound so well kiddo, get back to bed. I cannot begin to explain how much anxiety lifted when I realised I'd got out of spending the afternoon with my Mum. I just had this feeling of euphoria. Like YES! Win! 

I knew I couldn't go to work early cos I couldn't possibly be safe to drive so I decided I was gonna chill on the couch and play with some toys. I got out my poetry kit and tried to make up a rude poem to share with my Godmum. We do that. It's funny. I also got out my microscope and looked at some stuff. I was very happy. 

Hubby got up super late. He was fixed on being in a bad mood with me. Totally deserved but today is a new day and I was having none of it. I was having too much fun and it rubbed off on him so he wound his neck in and joined in. He says he loves that I am me. Funny old compliment but he says like playing with my toys at that and I just don't care. I do what I was to do when I feel like doing it and he thinks that's ace. I'll take it 🙂 

I went on chat at 1pm and spoke about my morning. This lassie on there loves doing stuff that she considers not girly but hasn't been doing them cos of it not being girly. She said I inspired her to do stuff she likes doing. I love that. Go girl! You can do whatever you want to. (Except gambling cos it sucks). 

I was gonna have a bath but blobbed that idea and went to work around 3. I hoovered my car! Bowt time too. It was minging. 

I dropped off the keys for that extra job I did last week at my friends house. On the way back to work the dog frightened the life out of a little old lady in a Hijab barking at her. They scare her for some reason but that's not the ladies fault. I punished the dog. I made her sit and then lay down and shouted at her. I apologised profusely to the little old couple and their son and said it was entirely my fault for not having her on a lead. They accepted my apology and for that I am very grateful. 

I went to the shops and got some food. 

I come home, had a sausage roll and went to job no. 2. 

I've been emailing with Stace today. I do hope her little'un gets well soon. 

Um, made Hubby and the dog some food and went on chat tonight too. 

I just wanna say cos I think it's important but we don't choose to drag up Trauma. It just happens. Like I didn't choose to experience bad things. It just happened. It's not my fault. I can't just park the feelings in a locked safe and leave them there. That would be ace. 

Gonna watch a drama on the Beeb and then go to bed. 

Drama. 

Hey Drama, ordered some hardware to start building a computer. Thank you For inspiring me ☺️

Posted by: Murlo

Hey Drama, ordered some hardware to start building a computer. Thank you For inspiring me ☺️

This is bloody brilliant! Great to hear! 

Bless you Murlo. 

Drama 

XOXOXO