My life with addiction

Depends...Are you stalking me 😉

Yep! Looking forward to it 🙂 Bit of Crimbo shopping in Cheltenham on the cards before hand...Shall I get mince pies?

Stalking never. Facilitating my need to know exactly what's going on at all times? Absolutely!!! As to the mince pies, cant stand the things myself, growing up always thought it had mincemeat in them and then to my horror when trying one as an adult found the truth was even worse, they contained fruit! But I'm sure others will appreciate them

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Ah hah, a fully paid up member of the Against Mince Pies (AMP, it's about time we had a new abbreviation) society...I've never gotten round to 'paying' my membership! The thought of steak tartare disguised in a pretty crust, regardless of whether or not it's been drowned in cream, (don't get me wrong, I'd lick the yummy sugar off the top, & consider putting the filling in a bolognaise (I wouldn't, I promise) but) no thank you, I'd rather eat broccoli 😉

I'll see what delights Cheltenham holds, probs end up leaving anything I do buy in the car along with my bravery but it's the thought that counts right 🙂

So here are some facts.

​12 Step groups are the most effective way to manage addiction. Who says so? Not GA or AA or any other anonymous program. But the research scientists do, the addiction psychologists do, the medical institutions do. Research Scientists over the last few years have even stopped debating whether 12 Steps work. They now concentrate on why it works. Latest studies show 12 Step programs compared to fir example CBT had more than double the number of people who were continuously abstinent after one year and one third the amount after 3 years. These studies are not little ones they are ones that have had many millions of dollars thrown at them. Is GA a cure all module? Absolutely not & no one is claiming otherwise. It is however overwhelming proven to be your best option if you desire to get well. I'm sure the myths & misconceptions of both GA and its 12 Step Program hold many an addict back. But why not see for yourself. What do you have to lose?

day@atime wrote:

So here are some facts.

​12 Step groups are the most effective way to manage addiction. Who says so? Not GA or AA or any other anonymous program. But the research scientists do, the addiction psychologists do, the medical institutions do. Research Scientists over the last few years have even stopped debating whether 12 Steps work. They now concentrate on why it works. Latest studies show 12 Step programs compared to fir example CBT had more than double the number of people who were continuously abstinent after one year and one third the amount after 3 years. These studies are not little ones they are ones that have had many millions of dollars thrown at them. Is GA a cure all module? Absolutely not & no one is claiming otherwise. It is however overwhelming proven to be your best option if you desire to get well. I'm sure the myths & misconceptions of both GA and its 12 Step Program hold many an addict back. But why not see for yourself. What do you have to lose?

food for thought. thanks Dan

Evidence proves that 12 steps works and many of the people on here who have managed long term abstinence go to GA, so I'm very accepting that it works. I keep wondering if it's for me, but haven't yet taken the plunge. There are a few things that hold me back. The two old chestnuts of not believing in a higher power and the "what if someone recognises me"...both of which I know the answers to and I would be willing to work around.

I'm not really sure how to word my biggest concern. It's the lack of a trained facilitator I suppose. If it's not led by a "professional" then I'm putting my mental health in the hands of people who could possibly be detrimental, if that makes sense. If I'm opening up...being vulnerable :)...then I want to feel safe that I'll be given good advice. I'd feel happy going to a group that you were at (too far...I have considered it) as you seem to know what you're talking about. But what if I pitch up and Joe Bloggs knows no more ( or even less) than me? Does that make sense?

I'm sorry about the last text 🙁
I was angry and in the grip of addictin as you might tell.
Nothing against GA, i do understand we cannot do this by ourselves.

Keep doing what you doing, it works - and what works, is worth giving a go ☺

Best wishes Dan

S x

Oops! Seems like I can't count.

It's def not that I think I know best. In fact, it's probably the opposite. I think I'm so keen to get "the answer" that I'll take on board comments, suggestions, theories that might be totally wrong. If someone says with conviction that my problems are due to a full moon I can find myself thinking "well maybe there could be something in that" and off I go down another blind alley. Everything you've posted/suggested has tied in with my understanding of myself and of addiction but what if the group I attend have a different understanding completely? Could I be jeopardising my mental health by listening to people who aren't trained and who don't really know the psychology behind it? I don't know....I'm probably overthinking it ( I have a tendency to do that!!) and in reality I'm not completely gullible and do have a mind of my own with a fair bit of insight so that should keep me safe. I guess I just don't really know how it works. When I had some fairly intensive therapy there was a lot of step-like group work but there was always a staff member in attendance to steer things back on course, so maybe that's where it stems from.

I think I remember using the "what have you got to lose...you don't have to go back" line with ODAAT. I hate it when things come back to bite me in the b*m 🙂

I'd probably be looking at the Maidstone or Rochester group, but Bexkey could be a possibility.

Thanks Dan.

LB x

I have a question in relation to your post to Andy...Is recovery about being completely gamble free or is it about managing the destructive emotions? I understand the stance to not wager a penny but this feels like a blurry line if the root of addiction is pain!?!

I did wonder if the people in the chat rooms were ones early on in recovery doing what I was contemplating doing early doors (cheating) or whether they have been in recovery a while still doing stuff that they've never been out of control with?

I know I've abandoned my day count anyway now & I know it wasn't a gamble free count anyway (maybe that's part of the reason I've always felt such a fraud) but I came looking for help with machines because they were destroying me & I got that help & more! I know you want to but would 'GA' wanna give me a kick (shoot, it may not be me doing the Ninja stuff Monday) for not doing it properly or would it be like, err ok, not ideal but you're happy & you're no longer broke so crak on with it?

Just coz I buy a raffle ticket in the charity shops doesn't make me an addict, the out of control chasing on the fruities does surely?

Connection;

Human beings need connection, it is what drives us. A desire to love & be loved. To listen & be heard To feel needed & have purpose. Those that feel none of these things are very susceptable to addiction. Addiction could be described as an attempt to bond, with something, anything.

I have heard a thousand times addicts describe their relationship with gambling with such passion & love. How they never felt more at peace than when in action. How nowhere or no one made them feel as secure or comfortable. How they felt connected with life and themselves, how it made them feel alive. I have sat in many GA rooms for many hours. When talk is about life today, how they are coping, what is improving. You will get short impassioned responses, no animated gestures, just factual answers. Now open up the discussion to talk about their active gambling & watch them go. There will be smiles, laughter, hands flying up in the air, you wont be able to shut people up. There is joy & passion a plenty.

This is where recovery needs to be directed. How do you flip flop those reactions. I believe the only way to do that is from the inside. External solutions will not fix an internal problem. Addicts if they are to recover need to find connection with firstly themselves, that will lead to connection with others because until i have love, compassion, empathy for myself it is impossible to give it to others. When we find ourselves able to connect intimately with ourselves & others there is no need for addiction to exist. It will disappear.

Addicts avoid life for a reason & it certainly isnt because they are stupid, greedy or bad. They do it because something is missing. I believe its connection & purpose. Find those two things & its all going to be just fine.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

Thanks for that share Dan, it really does make sense to me:)))

Connections and purpose, we can lose sight of both, as we carry on our busy road of life.

Suzanne xxx

Arrggghhhhh...Don't let them love me :-0

That's just what I hoped, goody 🙂

I'll have another read of that last post when I'm not so tired, it all seemed a bit deep & I'm Shallow Hal's twin sister!

Dean, I havnt once laid out rules & as I said to you previously GA has no rules. Just suggestions on what has worked best for addicts over the last 51 years in our experience. I don't have a problem with what others choose to do, its their choice. But maybe they should give some thought to whether it is a choice made from freedom or addiction. As to your shooting thingy that could be argued either way,so I wouldn't offer an opinion. The only time I have spoken on chat is to defend personal attacks on people. I have no intention to moderate or stick my 10p in, just find it interesting to observe how people think around their illness early doors. It has been enlightening

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Hi Dan and others.

I was in chat last night and am happy to say I am one who buys a lottery ticket now and then. Not every week or every draw but occassionally a ticket. Generally my wife buys it as I don't regularly carry cash!!!.

My vice was the fobt and any other form of slot machine. For nearly 250 days I have not placed a farthing in one and they repulse me. I avoid sitting in certain locations in a pub so I don't have to look at them. I lost a period of my life to a fobt and am grateful for the support and advice provided by members of this forum.

Even my wife commented how less of a.miserable sod I have become since stopping the fobt.

Its a very interesting discussion 're lottery and any other form of gambling. I do a free fantasy football tournament against my son where the winner receives a quarter of sherbet lemons as the prize. Gambling???= depends how you view it.

I may start my posts as x amount of days from fobt gambling!!!!.

Moving on as we could flog this topic all day.

Recovery is individual to each person and for the first Xmas of many, me and many others.on this forum will experience a gf Xmas for the first time in many years. Yes it feels good and.long may it continue. Even beginning to plan holidays!!!!

I had a glance through.your diary earlier and notice you have been through a lot and continue to abstain. When in chat I sometimes wish we could have more long term abstainers there to give advice. I also wish you would.sometimes contribute more but that is a personal decision.

My family are very proud of me and of how far I have come in my short journey.

Long may it continue.

I wish you all the best in your continued recovery.

Best wishes