My life with addiction

Happy new year dear Dan, did text you, but it would not send, maybe coo coo, gave me the wrong number Ohhh lol.or its my phone,

Hope you are keeping well

Suzanne xxx

day@atime wrote: You may have managed to steer your way through some very difficult & painful times during your addiction & come out the other side & when you did you thought, im leaving that behind me & am never returning there. Thats a great way to think......if your a selfish d i ck! If we actually care about other people than ourselves, we cant leave our problems behind us & never return. If we dont take the freedom we have experienced & try to bring it to others, we are not becoming people worth becoming. A friend said this to me last night. I thank him, nothing has ever rung more true about describing recovery for me. I looked back last night both at the pages on here from a few months ago & thought about all the people i have seen stop attending GA. We are told on this journey we should do what is right for us, & most folk take that as an excuse to move on & f u k everyone else that is still suffering. Of course we shouldnt do things that cause us difficulties in our recoveries but i dont see how walking away & not passing on how you have come through the other side could harm anyone. How does doing the right thing not enhance how we view ourselves? One Breath One Step One Day At A Time

Time to take my own advice on advisement from my sponsor

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Hi, Dan,

Glad to see you're back, hope all well with you.

I saw your post on AS67's thread. The thing is, we do get to the point that it's all been about the addict for so very long, everyone's suffering and eventually the other people affected have to come first.

That's not the first port of call, initially we want to help, but if we get to the point where we just can't live with the addict behaviour any more, it is time for an ultimatum or otherwise to leave. Like permanent barriers, ultimatums may for the benefit of the f&f, rather than the addict, but even if that's the case, it's fair enough.

Just my opinion.

BW,

CW

Hi Dan, another great post, which I understand for me.

For me sometimes at this time, in my own recovery, I find coming on here quite draining, and negative for me, this I experienced over the festive period, but those thoughts did not last long, a few days, and for those few days I did not post, still read the diaries, but did not have the heart to post, not even on my own diary,

I posted yesterday on my diary and on other diarists diaries, and do you what dear Dan, I actually helped 2 folks on here, there posts back to me, made me feel really good, (can't quite describe the feeling) but helping others to overcome this horrendous addiction, gives me more of a buzz/high in a different calm way of course than any gambling ever did.

Good to see your post Dan, have a good gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Hi, Dan,

Hope you're ok, we seem to be winding you up v easily? I for one have no such intention.

Take care of yourself and Mrs Dan,

CW

Hi

​CW, no we, just one ill informed, high school judgement upon addicts that I found insulting. I certainly didn't ever have any wish to become an addict & to suggest I did because I'm weak willed, lacking in morality & that all I needed to do was have a bit of determination & willpower to stop is frankly ridiculous. I wish it had been so simple I really do

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Hi Dan, I was just about to reply to Paul (lost my life) about choice, I 100% agree with you, I certainly did not choose to become a CG, jeez who would in there right mind, yes this addiction is very complex, and even more so the longer we are in recovery.

I think it is a mental issue, and sadly it can become a physical one too, as mental health can so easily trigger our physical well being.

Sending you a hug my friend,((((DAN)))) you have and are doing amazing, recovery is not all plan sailing st all,

Suzanne xxx

Day@atime my post was not personally aimed at anyone. I found the post comparing the battle to a cancer patient insulting to the battle my father has gone through. Please do not judge me and my opinions I have not implied or commented on yours or any body else's character. I am not judging you or anyone else I merely did not agree with the comment. - wcid

Hi, Dan,

We've had a whole debate about choice on the Overcoming Gambling forum - I suspect that I'm not popular!!!

CW

Ha ha CW, don't worry I love ya

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I never meant your comment Dan. I was offering you support by mentioning the serenity prayer. Hard to change the minds of those who beleive its a choice to gamble. I hope they never know what its like to experience first hand to the lengths addiction can get to.

I know you didnt mean my comment Tri, thanks for the support. Suzanne thankyou also.

Choice:

The first time I gambled was a choice, the second,third & maybe even the fiftieth time. But there comes a time when you cross the thin invisable line into psychological dependant addiction & it very much becomes no longer a choice that your very sick mind can make.

Who in their right mind would choose to become an addict. A life full of misery, anxiety, hopelessness, yeh i think i will choose that! Sounds fab.

Do you think my mind was well, when i prostituted myself at 14 to fund gambling.

Do you think my mind was functioning correctly when i embezzled my fathers business.

Do you think i was making clear rational choices when stealing from my wife & children;

Or perhaps i was an active addict, consumed by my disease. An emotional disease which has symptoms that convince me that feeding it is my only option. That all other avenues to me are closed. That this is who i am & what i deserve.

Why o why would anyone who is not sick make such awful decisions. If anyone is making the kind of decisions i see addicts make & the ones i spent 30 years making, that could only leave one conclusion. That they are bad, evil, even possibly Psychopaths.

I am in no way looking for an excuse for my past actions. But they were commited by someone who was very ill. I did not choose to become ill.

What i could be accused of however is refusing to seek treatment for my illness, but again one of the major symptoms of my illnsess tells me im not sick. Just bad & unworthy of help.

Again, just because you cant see my pain, does not mean it does not exist.

I would not wish addiction on anybody. It wrecks lives. Of the addict themselves & everyone else caught up even in the tiniest ripples of their lives, Just as it does in any chronic, relapsing, life threatening disease. Addiction is not a moral failing or weakness. It is a very real emotional disorder, recognized by health organizations across the globe.

My emotional health will not be repaired by people looking after my finances or banning me from shops or websites. Those things may keep me safe for a period, but they are akin to putting a band aid on a compound fracture. My emotional health & well being can only begin to be repaired when i begin to examine my relationship with myself & my connection to others.

One Breath

One Step

One Day At A Time

Hi, Dan,

Always nice to be appreciated. re the presence or absence of choice, where does responsibility fit in? Taking responsibility for your gambling? Taking responsibility for going into recovery? You obviously did, otherwise you wouldn't be where you are.

Taking responsibility implies taking control. There's nothing worse than being held responsible for what someone else does because you can't control them. But surely you can control you?

I hope I don't need my tin hat in posting this, the intention is merely respectful debate.

Take care, best wishes,

CW

Hi Dan if only we could take a magic pill.