My life with addiction

Hi Dan,

Thank you for coming by my diary yesterday. I know what you mean about leaving the post in. I just thought that it had too much anger/rage in it...not healthy for other users who might feel so vulnerable at the start of the journey. Plus...that feeling almost subsided by now...passed the test without any form of gambling involved 🙂

As of yourself...wow..really impressive numbers there. Clearly shows that it can be arrested if we put our minds and hearts to it.

keep it up dear soldier....high five!

Sandra xx

Another awesome GA meet last. 15 people coming together to share their fears & failures. To talk about the joys that first abstinence & then recovery has blessed them with. Truely another building block in our quest for a fuller life.
One new member came along with her partner & it always takes me back to my first meeting. My shoulders slumped, head down, full of the shame that my life had come to this. That i am having to walk into a GA room surely only the desperate would come here. It took awhile but i finally realised i was desperate, that gambling had me beat, my methods of containing & controlling it did not work. It was a relief to finally accept that, to give up on solutions that couldnt & wouldnt work for me. To embrace the fact that someone else maybe in a better place to advise & guide me. I know if this new member returns & keeps coming in a few weeks her head & shoulders will be held high. She will greet other members of the fellowship with eye contact & a smile upon her face. That is a wonderful sight to behold to actually be part of something that gives people back their souls. It makes my own personal recovery stronger to be a small cog in a fellowship that gifts people hope.

Also an old member returned after a 12 month absence & i was delighted to hear he was still gamble free & had just past 3years since his last bet. His reason for return was simple, although he wasnt gambling he still found he was using distractions/addictive behaviours to solve his life problems. He was playing computer games for hours on end, binge drinking, working more than he needed to. So obviously these things were preferable to the gambling but in essence he was still using addiction in some form to solve his issues with anxiety, stress, communicating his feelings to loved ones, not feeling heard, helplessness to change problems, a general dissatisfaction with how his life was progressing. He continued to hide in addictive behaviours instead of tackling directly that which pains & scares him. I suppose this is the difference between abstinence & recovery. For in recovery we need to create & build a life where we dont need to run & hide behind a behaviour. A life where we feel we contribute to others. Where we are loved & cherished, a place we feel we belong, where we have a purpose and a motivation to get up again tomorrow & enjoy that day & the people we choose to surround ourselves with.

We are kept locked into our addiction by our painful pasts. Our distressing present & our bleak outlook for the future.
There is only one of those we can change. We can choose to make our future a place we wish live in

Dan x

Evening Dan,

Lovely inspiring post, I noticed you put a comment about the difference between abstinence and recovery, I normally use the word recovery and not abstinance, but on my diary this morning I did use the abstinence word, because that was how I felt, but I know I am on a recovery journey and I am learning new stuff every day, thanks to lovely people like yourself.

Today at the job centre was nothing more than a joke really, I had an interview with the careers advisor, and apart from the computer being out of action (again) so everything was scribbled on a postscript ( and would be emailed to me later) which it has not as yet,lol, all she did was complain about her job and how she has been looking for a new job in my line of searching and told me there is nothing about, as she was looking for the same type of job. WHAT, UNBELIEVABLE, so I am at this minute waiting for everything we discussed to be emailed to me, I am determined not to get negative about this, I will be better off doing it on my own I think.lol.

Suzanne xxxx

Hi it's me again, just sent you a reply on my own diary, lol, how dippy is that

Suzanne xxx

Hi Dan,

Thank you for your recent post. I appreciate your view on it.

You are really huge asset to the forum and i thank you deep from my heart for contributing and advising all of us lost souls who are trying to make things right. As always, really inspiring journey of yours and thank you for sharing.

Respect and continued strength to you.
Look after yourself and keep winning!!

Sandra xx

I came to this forum around 2 months ago maybe in a different place to the majority of folks. I havnt had a bet since April 07. In that time i have attended GA every week & for the last 2 years since we set up a 2nd meeting because business is booming i have attended twice weekly. I have also attended Smart recovery meetings, had CBT & RBT counselling.
Im not blowing my own trumpet but i have had success in arresting my addiction.

I was very sick, my life in every aspect was unmanageable. I see that same sickness on here. Some are sicker than others but that is just a matter of the time they have spent in the madness of addiction. Final destination for addicts eventually always ends in either imprisonment, homelessness, mental institution or death @ their own hands. These are the facts of our illness.

7/10 people in prison have problems with gambling. I have witnessed this 1st hand visiting prisons & setting up GA meetings there. I know theres not a lot to do there but the meetings are always busy!

Suicide amongst compulsive gamblers is the highest of all addicts. Even more worrying is the fact that partners of CGs are three times more likely to attempt suicide than co dependants of partners with any other addiction.

Homelessness centres are full of people whose lives have been ruined by gambling. If you ever get the time/chance volunteer at a drop in centre & hear them tell their stories.

Being sectioned is common amongst CGs. When families can see no other way through the addiction this can seem the only choice left to them.

Not the cheeriest of posts i agree!
But this is the reality of our disease.

Do you want to reach one of these final destinations?
I presume not.
Ask yourself are you doing everything you can?
Does this have my full commitment or am i doing the minimum to get by.
Do i post on here offering advice & not carry that advice into my own recovery.
What can i do today to give myself the best chance to change the path my life is taking

Dan x

Hi Dan,

Very strong powerful and important post, thank you for sharing.

It immediately had me thinking to about 17 years ago when I lived down south, a male friend, (one of the close pub crowd) I lived in a tight community where everyone knew everyone and nearly everything about everyone.

He owned his own business had a lovely wife and 2 children of school age, yes he was a heavy gambler and heavy drinker, he was such a jolly man, kind, generous and laugh of the party, ( now all this was before my gambling addiction took hold)

I thought he had a lovely life, until I heard the news one morning, he hanged himself, I am in tears as I write this, I had no idea then that gambling can make a person do that to themselves, I won't say anymore about this dear friend, as I don't need to, but I do know now that gambling can make a person do this to themselves Unless they 100% commit to their recovery as this stops the addiction dead in progressing anymore.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Dan,

Very strong powerful and important post, thank you for sharing.

It immediately had me thinking to about 17 years ago when I lived down south, a male friend, (one of the close pub crowd) I lived in a tight community where everyone knew everyone and nearly everything about everyone.

He owned his own business had a lovely wife and 2 children of school age, yes he was a heavy gambler and heavy drinker, he was such a jolly man, kind, generous and laugh of the party, ( now all this was before my gambling addiction took hold)

I thought he had a lovely life, until I heard the news one morning, he hanged himself, I am in tears as I write this, I had no idea then that gambling can make a person do that to themselves, I won't say anymore about this dear friend, as I don't need to, but I do know now that gambling can make a person do this to themselves Unless they 100% commit to their recovery as this stops the addiction dead in progressing anymore.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Dan,

Thanks again for your words of support yesterday - for avoidance of doubt Samaritan quip was nothing other than a big complement. You support is much appreciated. You seem to write more on other people's diaries than your own which says a lot about goodness on you. Mark.

Hi Dan

I thank you for your comments and have been on nights starting at 7.30pm this week and at work til 8.30pm next wednesday. The email address would be good thanks. Shift work has always got in the way of any regular club meetings. I used to go to exercise classes but the shifts got in the way sometimes.
Have a good day
Cheryl x

Dan, thanks for dropping by on my diary! I'm far from neglected @ the moment but I will keep an eye on it 🙂

Hi Dan,

Thanks for your lovely message,

Have a good gambling free day.

Suzanne xxx

Dan, I don't want to fall out so just gonna clarify what I meant then mention it no more...It's your passionate insistence ('you found time to gamble so you must be able to') with people who suggest they would like to get to meetings but can't that can sometimes seem a bit harsh!

I maintain that you have much more to offer than I ever will & I believe today will be another wonderful gamble free day for both of us!

Yay 🙂

I've gone quit red now! As you probably figured, I wasn't massively comfortable being me around the site earlier on as a lot of what I was reading felt quite sombre & I didn't really know the rules of engagement! But I came here from a place where lies & deceit were the norm & from the off knew I had to be honest! It is very encouraging to know that there is a place for my kind of 'humour' & it is good for me to be able to embrace me!

Thank-you!

Three more new members through the doors of GA last night. 18 in total coming together as one to give hope to our futures.
The room seems to be getting younger or perhaps its me getting older.
But 3 young mid 20s guys with the weight of the world on there shoulders,so sad to see their lives being ruined by this addiction.

The usual story, fobts, online slots,blackjack. When i first arrived @ GA it was horse racing, fruit machines & fobts. I suppose this is what is making the room younger. The ability to lose money so quickly brings people there quicker. It may not seem it but i think this is probably a good thing. When i look back what am i most regretful about. It isnt the money i wasted. It was the precious time that i threw at it. The time i stole from my children & my loved ones. Money comes & goes in life sometimes we have it sometimes we do dont. What we do have though always is the love & companionship of those we hold dear & that is something i will never again risk losing on the spin of a reel. I will remain vigilant for any signs that addiction wants more of my time, he has already been indulged with enough of it & i plan on never giving him another second of it

Dan