My long journey

well done you , couldnt agree more

Day 34

Well yesterday was eventful, I spoke to my husband about my problem. I think deep down he already knew I was gambling but he is so pleased I have joined this site again as he knows how much support I get from here.

I have felt down today as I know I have let my husband down as I promised him faithfully that I would not go down the same road I went down 8 years ago.

I am gambling free for 34 days so I do feel pleased about that.

LG

Day 38

Still keeping strong after a wobble on Monday but I chatted with a helper on here and that really helped getting my feelings of my chest.

It seems to be so much harder this time around and I don't know why? Whether I am being much harder on myself for being so stupid I am not sure.

Onwards and upwards

Keeping strong

LG

Hi, just wanted to say for me its much harder this time around emotionaly, maybe it is for both of us, because we are both more determined this time and we have both told our partners again. So I am really determined this time, I hope you are, remember if you play there is only one winner the computerised programmed machine. STAY STRONG.

Hi lucky girl congratulations on your 38 days your doing great hope your feeling calmer I know it's hard but keep up the battle all is possible 🙂

The bear x

Hi Lucky, day 41 for you 🙂 really well done, you must be feeling great about yourself.

Many thanks for writing on my diary, it really is a great help. Take care, Dark Place

Day 47

Thank you for your replies it really is much appreciated.

Well all I seem to do is work at the moment which on one side it does not give me time to think about gambling, but on the other I just need to have some time to reflect on my journey.

I really would like more time to put into the forum as I really think we all can learn by other peoples journeys. But at the moment I am working and doing as much overtime as I can so I can pay off my overdraft.

I got through yesterday without having a gamble on the national or being asked to join a syndicate which seemed a impossible task a couple of months ago.

Keeping strong.

LG

Hi lucky girl just dropped by to say well done day 50 . Your doing fab . Keeping strong hitthefanx

Day 50

Thank you for your supportive reply hitthefan it is really appreciated.

Well I am grabbing 5 mins for myself and sitting in the sunshine in my garden reflecting on the last 50 days. I have really only had 1 big wobble where it was like a massive wave of gambling thoughts and me having to talk myself out of wanting to have a gamble.

I have been so busy with work I have wondered when I ever got the time to gamble but as I know we will always make time to!!

I feel like I am in a good place at the moment and have realised that my forever mood swings and depression always coincided with a loss.

Onwards and upwards and taking one day at a time.

LG

Day 56

One word for today is struggling!

LG

Dear Diary

I cannot tell you how low and stupid I feel today. I was doing so well and bang this gambling thought came in to my head and would not go away. So I think everyone can guess the rest...

So back to square one but I also need to take something from this relapse and that is when I am not busy with work and normally I am, I need to definitely keep myself busy. I read my diary from the start and I wrote on a couple of days that I needed to do this and found things to do. How easily you forget your triggers!!

I just feel really low and could easily cry but I know that will not get my hard earned money back. Hopefully when the mist lifts I can then see clearly again.

LG

Hello luckygirl,

Firstly, I'm really sorry to see you in such a dark place at the minute, but you have to keep the belief going. Never give up giving up. There is no fault in slipping, oh no girl, we all know that feeling (most of us) but the main thing is how quickly we manage to get back up.. strength lies within us, no matter how often the evil habit tells us otherwise.

It is nasty addiction, it takes it all and some more on top of that. Why do we want to keep giving what is ours?..it is the question I ask myself quite often, especially if urges comes strong...it is our hard earned money, our soul, our time, our sleep and wellbeing. .we don't have to give it to soulles machines, no dear fighter, these things are rightly yours and you deserve to keep them forever.

Do not feed this addiction, it's simply not worth it...and YOU are worth all the best things in your life. Stand up, fight and keep your head held high, because you are stronger than before, you CAN do it and you have learned the lesson..

Do you have any blocks? If you gamble on your computer, blocks are essential.K9 protection is for free and really does it's job. You only need somebody you trust to put a password in for you.

Stay safe, keep posting your feelings, be kind to yourself..you are never on your own.

chin up soldier, onwards you go!!!!..day at a time, hour at a time, minute at a time...you still moving on...belief in yourself. .it is possible

Peace and calmness to you this Easter

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi luckygirl - So sorry to read that you are feeling low, but as you say, a blip like this can make you stronger in the long run. I can't really add to Sandra's excellent post, but as for keeping busy, have you tried baking cakes? It may sound a bit daft, but there's nothing like trying a new recipe to keep your mind (and fingers!) away from those dratted online slots.

I made a massive bread pudding this afternoon - and am now fighting the addiction to scoff most of it!

Cheer up - those days will soon start mounting up again.

Joanna :o)

Afternoon,

Thank you so much Sandra and Joanna for your supportive posts. I am still reeling from last week and the disappointment and sadness I feel for letting myself and everyone around me down. I am finding it really hard to get over these feelings, I know I was doing so well and cannot believe that I did what I did.

I am now back at work which means I will be so busy and hopefully will not have time to think about gambling. But I also know that my guard needs to be up as this came and bit me when I least expected it.

My journey is ongoing and hopefully I will start to feel better once I string a few days together and stop thinking about gambling.

Trying to keep strong.

LG

I am still struggling but have just given my bank card to my husband. This will now stop my hankering to go and gamble. I have no other means to any cash so I have asked him to help me. He didn't ask why but I just said I was struggling and that I had read on other peoples diaries that this was a way forward.

Hopefully I will be able to look forward to a gambling free life.

LG