My New Diary

Hi Adam, and thank you for your wonderful rhyme Stephen 🙂

Takes deep breath.   I promised myself, and for respect of everyone else here, that I would tell the truth. I have had a blip.  It was a one-off and I remedied it straightaway.

It was four days ago; I had relatives down (in-laws) and we went down with the kids to the arcades an 2p pushers.  God know why but I went on a £5 jackpot fruit machine whilst the kids (supervised) played their 2p pushers.   I was in the Lions Den. I actually won a couple of quid and one of the in-laws, knowing my addiction, saw me "around the corner" and told my wife.  (Quite rightly, she was disappointed.). At the time, I banned myself from the arcade and then self-excluded, via BAFTA, on (020) 7730 6444.  Took a bit of time but done.

That was the extent of my deviation but a relapse is a relapse. I have to be honest about it, but I have now boosted my blockers.  Naturally, I've felt a bit bad about it (well, pretty deflated actually) but here I am. 

The good news is that, in financial terms, this was not a disaster by any means BUT I'm glad I was 'caught' straightaway.  And that close family and friends know to watch out for me.

Right, that is my mea culpa.  I always worry that our close knit groups here on Gamcare sometimes find a lapse  amongst one of us triggering, but I know we're all "big boys and girls" and stronger than that.

But I do feel bad. But start again, according to my rules. I'm on Day 3.  My aim, to beat 175 days again.  That'll do for a start.

Hello Rochg

Just wanted to post a brief message to say well done and thank you for acting so promptly on your lapse, and for being upfront about it here on your diary. It's good to note down what happened and what you did about it. It's all part of the recovery journey, and posting about it here helps others too.

It does sound like it would have been very difficult to resist being surrounded by all the temptation in an arcade. It might also help to explore all the steps that led to you being there that day. Would the children have been happy going somewhere different? Could your in-laws have taken them while you did something else? Anyway it sounds like you learned from it, and improved on your blocks. You've been transparent about it and dealt with it quickly and as you say your circle of support was watching out for you. And if you want to talk about it you are welcome to contact the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or by Livechat.

Thank you for sharing. No doubt you'll soon be back at 175 days again and beyond.

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

The mission continues

Nothing has changed

For just a split second

The thoughts were deranged

Addiction with venom

Slimy and bad

Attempted to smother

A husband and dad

Alarm bells rang loudly

A stray off the path

But Roch saw the error

And sensed future wrath

A noble and wise man

Who's been here before

With minor adjustments

He let out out a roar

For nothing has changed 

A regrettable slip

On this journey of hope

? It was merely a blip ?

Aum ?

Thank you so much for your messages of support Deirdre and Stephen ... very personal and very appreciated.

It is never nice to 'fall off' but I've added more blocks.  I have never been so cash free and frankly I know I can see the summer out at least.  I have that built in reserve now.

Day 7, is it. I'm not going to look until the summer's out.  Want 50 days under my belt as a minimum, one day at a time, of course, but my blocks are getting a lot better and I'm cash free like never before.

Hi roch, not spoken for a while but I have just caught up on your diary. A blip is just that. A blip. It’s how we deal with setbacks etc that matters. And deal with it you have. Proud of you 

hI Debsy and thank you for your kind message.  You're right, it was a blip, and I haven't gambled since.  Whilst not watertight, by blocks are certainly approaching that!  I hope all is well with you 🙂

Day 9, I think. Not going to count for a while.  I'm a bit quiet, it's what "normally" happens when I veer off course. But, Dear Diary, quietly re-resolved.

Hi Roch,

Reading your diary has inspired me and given me the motivation to push myself. I came clean to my family and partner yesterday who have been so supportive and I'm so lucky that this is the case. Hearing how well you did before your blip and even the blip itself has really pushed me on. The fact the blip was so small and you recognised it straight away and dealt with it just shows how far you have come.

I hope my story works out as well as yours! I've never been so determined to do this and beat this disease! We've got this! ??

Matt

Hi Matt and thank you so much for your thoughtful message. Together we will succeed with this, even when we fall over we get straight back up again.  I've realised that I've actually saved money by not gambling (bound to have, really) and also, more soberingly, realised how much I have to spend.  I always thought it was more, but gambling clouded it.  It's actually less but that doesn't matter; I can live better, with less, when not gambling. It really doesn't matter. I look towards Aum's (Stephen's) approach ... it's a better way of living by far. 

Let's keep going Mat; I'm one Day whatever, won't look at the number of actual days until the end of summer.  Then I'll have a foothold. One day at a time, as always.

Hi roch mixer, just wanted to pop by to remind you that ur words of wisdom have helped soo many on here.  They are the first post most read on here and no doubt have the greatest impression on people starting out.

Of course you will have more money to spend if you dont gamble......and it gives us a stress free life..... theres less excitement and buzz but greater richer simple pleasures to be found.

Thanks for ur help over the years......... may you succeed and live a healthy honest life.... away from this horrible affliction.

Lets all work this together.......

miss you on chat mate......

adam123 

Hi Adam and thank you for your kind, thoughtful post. I have gone to ground a bit, I won’t deny…  but I haven’t gambled again. I’m in a strange position where I’m accumulating cash and just needing a home for it. A nice problem to have, granted! It reminds me of how much I’ve lost but, as I’ve written and told myself, there’s no point looking back. 
  I’ve had quite a few months lately, haven’t we all one way or the other, but I’ll be back on chat soon. Just getting back to par, gambling free, thanks to the solid blocks I have in place, blocks I accept I’ll need to have forever.

You are spot on Adam. Life is about the simpler pleasures. Gambling complexes the hell out of everything and, for recoverers such as us, never a way to go.

Greetings dear friend Roch.

Hope all is well and you are enjoying life.

Aum ?

Thank you Stephen for your kind post.  I'm well thanks; very busy at work and still committed to being gambling free- only one blip in 200 days.  I hope that your new abode is everything you hoped it to be!

I have been quiet, perhaps because I'm getting my head down in a way I do after a gambling blip.  I'm enjoying life in a measured way, perhaps slightly self-absorbent way but it's my way of handling it. I will rejoin the forums soon and my good friends here on Gamcare 🙂

Hi Roch!

long time no speak , I have been off here for a while and totally lost how much this website and more importantly the people on it helped me out and you was my main supporter . I have also relapsed and am starting today on day 1 having lost £150.00 yesterday. Many steps forward and a huge step back for no apparent reason other than allowing my guard to drop. 
let’s do this together! I am going update my diary as much as possible and tell my story even if just for myself . You can do it , we can do it! 
keep us updated mate 

Hello roch. Glad to hear you are doing well and continue on your journey. Xx 

Hi roch. How goes it xx