Slight positive update. I’ve manage to refrain from gambling this week. Stopping myself from gambling on the same early morning rugby games is working. I’ve had massive urges but stopped myself.
Another low this weekend. £2k up to £5k down in little than 30 mins. Didn’t really think it was possible!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
This doesn’t stop unless you stop it & your way isn’t working!
Recovery is possible & what I’ve been taught is easily explained:
H - Honesty
O - Openess
W - Willingness
You have to respect addiction...Never underestimate what is possible. Google the point “I am addiction” if you want an insight into where this can & will take you if you don’t start using other tools to fight with - ODAAT
No need to google.
I am an addiction
i start in small subtle ways promising many things
I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams
I deliver guilt and despair more horrible than your worst nightmare
I promise you power and courage
I give you feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness
I will force you to live in fear always
I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems
I create for you greater problems than you ever imagined
I promise you many friends
I only allow isolation
I promise happiness
I create much sorrow
I will steal from you your dignity, your familes, your friends, your children, your homes, your dreams, your spirit and your life
For love freedom and happiness are impossible to find in my presence
So never underestimate me
I am devious and manipulating
I have no preference as to who i pick as my victim, rich or poor, young or old, black, white, yellow or red
I have killed men, women and children- I have no conscience
So if you have met me, always beware if you think you can beat me, that i will be gone from your life and all will go well again
Never forget i will always be there, waiting in the dark shadows just around the corner
I am very patient and i will laugh in your face if i can lure you into my evil world of hell on earth once again
I AM ADDICTION
Got some positive news. Since Sept 21st I took away the gambling from my CC by requesting new cards and burning them all before codes could memorised to gamble on. This has controlled the losses as a result and I did the final step this week by closing all my accounts where I could gamble. Whilst the last 4 months has resulted in £20k gambling losses I have now taken away one of the aspects of the dreaded triangle and as a result gamble free. Let’s get back to normality of not spending all my free time working out what to gamble on and chase my losses. Having spend the first 6 months of 2018 gambling free the last 4 months have been awful upon reflection. I want the old me back.
Still going strong. With no way of gambling on my cards I keep ticking off those days. Good feeling right now.
Another month ticked off. Still going strong
Still going strong. Hit 3 months + now and finally getting there I think. Keep strong
The benefit of this site is that you can look back on all the historical posts. I’ve been re-reading some of my posts when my gambling spiralled out of control in August. It makes me realise how far I have come. I was so worried about debt and those gambling urges I lost all sense of reality and would think nothing of losing £5k in 30 mins. Even now those debts are still there I don’t care as this is all now being managed and life is so much better.
Just worked out I am 133 days gamble free.
Is this where i start my diary? Bella my sweetheart lol. Can you help x
You're right, life is so much better when you are 134 days in of being gamble-free. This is phenomenal, well done and keep it up.
NT
Hi, this comment is for cliffharris82 as you have asked a couple of times in NT's diary how to start one of your own.
To start a new thread (called a 'topic' on this forum) as a diary of your own, go to the section of the forum you want to start your thread in (Recovery Diaries perhaps?) and scroll down to the bottom of the page, click 'new topic' and give your diary a title.
Hope this helps
Regards
Leigh
Forum Admin
Cliffharris82 wrote: Is this where i start my diary? Bella my sweetheart lol. Can you help x
Looks like you added a post on someone else's diary? You need to create a post of your own on the link that Sat's recovery diaries.
I will alert admin maybe they can open one for you?
Still going ok. Will be 6 months on 22nd March so that is my next target.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
