I am all over the place now. I withdrew some significant winnings and the gambling company first requested the normal verification documents and then once they said that had been completed they said the withdrawal had been declined by my card company which my card company dispute. Obviously I then went and lost £3k in a week as those funds then remained in my account. I estimated i have lost over £5.5k in the two months since I started gambling again from the 30th September. I’ve self excluded from the new companies I have gambled with this time done a balance transfer to stop the interest on those gambling transactions. I’m not sleeping, worried and have a new child on the way so pretty stressed now. I just have to deal with this new debt and systemically pay it off as before ignoring those gambling urges.
Another £1,500 gone today. £7k lost since 30th September when I broke my 6 month gamble free period, I self excluded again and I need to cancel that credit card as this is the only way I can control myself. I have lost all sense of reality and I need to get a grip now.
If you want to stop rather than just stop losing you need to put as much as possible in between you and the ability to gamble. Coming clean to your wife and giving her full control of and access to every part of your finances would make a very good start. Making yourself accountable to someone else makes it very much harder for you to gamble in secret. Once you've put practical barriers in place make it a priority to get to GA and sign up for counselling. You will need to identify and address whatever it is that's driving the compulsion.
I’m aware of my compulsion as my prolonged periods of gambling have always been when I have sudden and unexpected debt. Each time I have come out of my 6 month plus periods it has been different things, 1) due to my car written off by a hit and run, 2) escalation of build extension costs. I am impatient and that is most of my issues!
My gambling escalated quickly post university when I came out with huge student debt and short term long earnings. Each time I took away the ability to gamble as cancelled CC’s and each time I had needed those CC’s to cover these unexpected events and then the spiral starts again. I feel much better today as I can beat this. I worked out a realistic payment plan to get this paid off within 12 months and just have to think long term and get my life back as I have so much to look forward too and are thankful of the people around me.
Last day of gambling was 5th November..,an easy date to remember!
Life sets you up for challenges and i’m trying hard. When you reflect on how you could possibly spend £8k in a less than two months - ridiculous! The worst thing is that whilst going through all of this I never once took a step back and thought of the destruction my addition could have caused. All this started from a moment of weakness on 30th September. Face up to it and get it sorted. No time for weakness now. Wish me luck again as I try and control this.
Yet another bright, intelligent young person being lured into this awful addiction. Unbelievable and so very sad. I watched my own family member going through exactly the same as you and as a parent it is heartbreaking to see. I can see you are actually trying and do want to stop but are just so overpowered and confused by it all now. Also the stress you are going through is all too familiar. My advice to you would be to get a pen and paper right now and actually put a recovery plan down in black and white. i.e. Today is day one of free - keep counting the days - ring gamcare or gamblers anon - ask around about debt recovery - even talk to your bank who can be understanding if you are honest with them - tell your wife (secrecy is the worst tool to enable you to gamble) - hand over your finances to her so she can moniter your spending (a brilliant deterrent) - self exclude and there are apps you can put on your phone to stop gambling firms contacting you. I hate to be blunt but you are gambling with your lovely life with your wife - if you carry on it will ultimately be your choice to choose the gambling at the expense of losing your wife. There is never a happy ending to carrying on gambling and it does not just affect you it is also hurting many people around you. I think you are intelligent enough to treat your recovery as an ongoing project and challenge. Set yourself a target of Xmas to carry out some of the above and see how you get on. You seem to have a lot of support on other posts so please listen to them and take their advice. Good luck and take care.
steps i Thank you for posting and your comments are much appreciated. I’m lucky in a way as I earn ok money so can pay my debt off gradually over the next year to 18 months but just think of what nice things I could have done with my family with that. Purely selfish and no regard for them when pressing that button on line. I’m so impatient that for some reason gambling is an obvious way to earn quick money....as we all know it isn’t. Previously I did hand over finances to my wife without her really knowing why as I closed all my personal credit cards. I only ever gamble on cc (which is dumb!) as I closed all my bank accounts apart from the joint one with my wife.
On Sunday I self excluded from all new sites I had opened new accounts with and transferred my gambling cc to a long term cc with zero interest and haven’t activated the card and destroyed it so no way of gambling. I’m on day 2 now so small steps but I have done two separate 6 month periods so it can be done.
Day 3 - ticking them off slowly. The weekend is always the hardest as i’ve find Monday to Thursday easy as i’m too busy with work and home. So this weekend I will be strong!
Day 4 - another one ticked. My first target is Christmas and then if I achieve this I will keep challenging new goals. I feel positive for a change and breaking that vicious cycle is key for me. No access to funds = no gambling. I’ll keep posting as even if no one is ready i’m enjoying posting with some achievements for a change as this has not been the case over the past 2 months.
Hi ND1
Hang in there - you are doing well - keep looking at that target for Xmas. There will be people reading your posts and you will actually be helping other people see that with a little bit off effort you are able to try and turn your life around.
Good luck for the rest of the weekend and next few weeks.
Well I have made the weekend. For the first time since 30th Sept I didn’t have thousands of pound on rugby, cricket or NFL. I feel good and i’ll keep fighting on
Still ticking those days off. Starting to feel better
Still doing ok. Just ticking them off but still feeling like i’m not in control as getting urges at times but the restrictions I have set are holding firm so far.
Started again. Day Zero...
Some positive news for me as used 31st Dec as my last ever gambling day. Got through the last weekend without any bets and a feeling of minor achievement as stupid as that sounds. My mental state is so much better and I have started to remember that the voids of no gambling can be filled with normal day to day activities without feeling like you are missing out on something!!!
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