My Recovery Diary

DAY 200!!!

wow never thought I would get this far. feeling good. work is not ideal at the moment so ma looking to move on and am in the process of moving flat with my gf at the moment but want to make changes one step at a time.

decided to quit smoking at the start of October too so slowly starting to make positive changes to my life.

first time I have been out of my overdraft at this time of the month for about 2 years!

Not going to get complacent but not had any urges recently so hopefully will stay that way!!!

DAY 214

just had an offer accepted on a flat for me and the Mrs. Only renting but still a big step in the right direction.

Have also now quit smoking. Day 9 of that and already feeling the benefits. Exercise is coming along along finding the motivation to keep it up is proving tricky.

Everything is really starting to look up for me but my concern is that I have been here before and it has come crashing down. Difference is I now have a girlfriend who I can't afford to lose and that also knows the truth so I am hoping that will be my safety net this time.

Anyway not had any urges recently so the signs are good but am still on guard in case they come back!

Peace out

Good luck my friend - sounds like you are really turning things around.

DAY 259

Wow didn't think I would get this far. It hasn't been easy and as per usual I have good patches bad patches with urges.

It's amazing how clever the mind can be in forgetting how bad it all was when you were wrapped up in it. I keep thinking 'just one session of online poker will be fine' but I know it will not stop there. if I did do that then the flood gates would open and carnage would ensue.

I have not been this financially stable for ages. I am not rich but I have wiped out most of my debt plus moved in to new flat with the missus and had money to buy a tv etc which I would never have had happened before.

I do need to get exercising more as I am still not very motivated at work and need to change job but need to build up motivation to do it. part of the problem is when I am twiddling thumbs at work that I think to take a punt where as if I was engaged the demons would be easier to keep at bay.

anyway onwards and upwards...

Hi Ben,

And biggest congrats on 259 days, great achievement and inspiration for us all 🙂

By abstaining we learn something new about ourselves each day, and can sense when urges comes, and it's all about putting your mindset in the right place at those moments..you doing just that and should be very proud of yourself!!

Financial situation can improve even more and i'm sure you will keep making the right decision

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra

Thanks for the post Sandra really appreciate it.

Day 265 and still gamble free. thoughts, urges and fascination with high stakes online results still a feature of life.

Not sure why I give a toss about the high stakes poker games but I do and log in to see the current winnings / losses a few times a day. this can't be healthy and needs to stop. ineed to cut all ties from that past of mine to be completely free.

while confessing to this on here I have decided that today is the day I stop logging on to that site.

I need to find a new job, new inspiration and a new hunger for life.

here goes......

DAY 266

Feeling strong today. Clearer head. More positive attitude. Flat getting sorted. Cigarettes in the bin. Take thaaaaaaaaaat gambling you're nothing to me!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for your post Ben, appreciate it, great that you have a good number of days under your belt, keep it up my friend, never go back to that cr**. I wish you all the best and will keep uodated on your progress.

Hi Ben, well done on your recovery, I'm jelous 🙂 I recently got to nearly 4 weeks but keep slipping again, its good to see that some people can abstain for a long time but its scary that you still get thoughts etc, we all hope its not a life long battle a 4 week battle was hard enough. Well done again

DAY 274

Thanks for the posts Harry and Angel really appreciate. This forum really is a great support network and definitely has made a real difference to my recovery especially in the early days.

I think it is all about getting to the root of the problem. Once you realise why you gamble then you can start to deal with the underlying problems which should in turn make stopping gambling a lot easier. the one on one counseilling I went to was fantastic and I would strongly recommend it to anyone.

the only times I think to go back is when I am having a tough time of it and then the little devil on my shoulder pipes up. it is all about remembering just how bad it all was when I was at my worst. I couldn't look people in the eye because I felt disgusting for what I was doing. the lies were eating away and me and I was pushing the people that loved me and I loved the most away from me.

anyway life is good for now. at my happiest I have been for years.

laters gambling you are nothing to me. I control you not the other way round!!!

DAY 287

So...still gamble free which is the main thing.

Mood swings still quite large. Been getting a bit down recently about what I am doing work wise. Really need to change job but I am feeling really apprehensive about doing so.

Do still have gambling thoughts although when looking at what I have been able to afford since culling my loses through gambling, god only knows why I am!!

Exercise is key. I can't recommend it more highly to those looking for another channel for their energy. When I exercise I found everything else in my life is far easier to accomplish.

Anyway merry xmas one and all. Here is to the first gamble free xams in over 10 years...

congrats on making it so far ben- i am only on day 9 but know i will beat it. your diary is inspiring and will help a lot of people see the positive outcome of giving up! keep going!

DAY 306

Feeling over weight, unfit and generally full of January blues. Still gamble free although I nearly played a game of poker with my pals after a few drinks. Didn't think much of it at the time but would have been distraught the next day had we played.

Need to keep my chin up...happy new year to one and all hope you all have prosperous gamble free years!!!

DAY 336

So still gamble free and generally smoke free although and a cheeky cig after a few drinks on the weekend. Life is definitely moving in the right direction. Managed to book a couple of holidays and be one of the first to put the deposit down which would just never have happened a year ago. I would have probably gambled the money and then made up an excuse not to go.

Have second interview for a new job at an amazing company and just praying I get it as I think it will be a real step forward in my progression and recovery. There is a free gym membership thrown in which is another good reason to get my fitness back to scratch.

So life is on the up. Looking forward to this time next month when it will be a year gamble free. Will defo do something to celebrate! Can't wait!!

Just had a big scare. was on a site and ready to gamble for first time in nearly a year. bordem, feeling a bit down, job rejection, arguements with the missus have all leasd me to this point. luckily i stopped and decided to write a post on here.

s**t that was scarily close after all that i have been through and overcome. I would have been distraught with myself had i done it.

need to sort my head out tonight. can't let these thoughts / urges linger.