My Recovery Diary

I too am getting back in to the gym and also running. No where near as fit or fast as I was but I'll get there. Well done for signing up. Let us know how you find it.

Hi Smashed and Slot Fool

Thanks for the posts on my diary, I hope you are both well and the gym and swimming / running is helping you both.

I am enjoying the gym but am struggling with motivating myself at the moment. When I do manage to get there I enjoy it and feel better afterwards but my eating habits which were so good in Jan / Feb have been poor ever since.

I have just finished reading the book by Justyn Larcombe about the impact gambling had on his life.

It has got me thinking, whilst I feel so much better about being gamble free (250 days tomorrow), there may be other things I need to address in my life to find peace with myself.

Do I have emotional issues from my past that I have never really dealt with - yes I had a tough time in high school as my initial overconfidence (big headedness!!!) led to others resenting me which led to me being bullied and my confidence being torn apart and I think that led to a 'need to be liked in my adult life and a 'need' for people to think of me as being a success.

Having money always gave me a feeling of confidence, that is probably one of the main reasons why I was so attracted to gambled. Perversely it has had the opposite effect, always having to be in debt to feed my addiction and to help keep up appearances that I was doing well in life. Perhaps at 47 I need to work harder on not caring so much what people think of me, I should only care that I have a loving wife, children and close family which I certainly do. Those people never judge me about material things so why should I care what anyone else things of me?

I am and always have been extremely competitive and when gambling I would refuse to lose and would gamble until I had no more to lose in an attempt to not let the bookmaker get the better of me.

I am going to have a good hard think about some of the things I may need to address in my life beyond gambling as I am fairly sure I conveniently keep shutting them out. I will challenge myself to note them down on paper over the coming days and then consider how I may be able to move past them.

A bit of a deep post tonight, perhaps it's the first time the fog has lifted enough for me to start considering dealing with other 'quirks I may have. We shall see...

46 and Out

I'm now 278 days gamble free and my finances continue to get gradually better but it will be a long haul. They are not getting worse so that's the main thing and my credit score is taking a positive move in the right direction too.

I've had a couple of health issues over the last month but I'm now starting to get back on my feet. I need to get back on the diet and fitness wagon - easier said than done !!! I had a big blow out on Saturday and suffered for it today 🙁 Kept myself busy by spending some time with the kids this morning, doing some gardening and then invited Dad over to watch the footy and have a BBQ. Took the dog out for a long walk on the beach this evening and I've now settled down to watch some catch up TV.

Take care all

46 and Out

292 days gamble free. Still get occasional urges but so far i have managed to keep them at bay.

Have a great bank holiday weekend everyone.

310 days gamble free. I had a great laugh with the kids putting them to bed tonight. 311 days ago I would have been shouting to them from the couch telling them to go to bed and getting angry at them if they wanted me to go upstairs and see them. My laptop and sport on TV would have been far more important than my own kids - how bonkers is that !!

Life has changed so much for the better and in so many ways. I'm even starting to regain some self worth and confidence.

Now that the gambling mist has lifted its as if I was another person trapped within that mist living a crazy existence and a double life. Life now feels real, yes it throws up its problems but I can face them logically now I am no longer trapped within the gambling vice. I must not get complacent. I can't afford to have one bet as it will lead me back to where I never want to go. I can't win because I would never stop.

Take care everyone

46 and Out

Dear 46 and out,

congratulations on your 310 days gambling-free. So glad to hear that it is having a significant effect on your life and improved relationships with the people you love and care about. Also pleased to hear that you've seen improvement in your self-worth and confidence. Feeling good about yourself is an integral part of a sustainable recovery.

Keep up the good work.

Best Wishes

Forum Admin

403 days gamble free. We have remortgaged and we are now debt free apart from our new mortgage which we have increased our payments on and reduced the term with an eye on retiring as early as we can. We have plans to buy a holiday home next year all things being equal. How life has changed in just over one year, when at times I often had no money for food for the family leading up to payday. I was immersed in gambling for over 30 years and I never thought I would be able to stop. I still have the odd urge but they pass quite quickly. I must not get complacent though. Be strong everyone, I hope you are all well and progressing nicely on your gamble free journeys.

46 and Out

Nice one mate, over 400 days and a massive turn around. Always great to read stories like the one yours has become. Enjoy it!

All the best.

Wow your story is amazing. I hope so much I'll get to where your at. I keep thinking about money lost and how much it will impact on my life and my familys for the next 5 years! I need to try and focus on a brighter future and making the best of it... Not dwelling on things I can't change. Anyway massive congratulations to you... Keep looking over your shoulder and stay strong. I don't know you but have massive respect for you.