Just joined the forum tonight 4 full days without a bet.
Had a big argument with my girlfriend to look at websites and join this earlier than I wanted. She went to work, I reflected on my outburst and here I am. Been reading others posts for over an hour and now want to start my diary.
Going to move back to East Sussex for a few months to give my girlfriend space to think about what future she wants, same for me.
Today is just another day but another happy day, being debt free 🙂
Until tomorrow, signing out
Hi Wilsy,
Good idea about coming here. If you were reading for such a long time then I am guessing that some of what you read struck a few chords. This place has a wealth of information and is helping me try to understand my behaviours, it also offers good advice on how to move forward.
Stick around and best of luck
wilsy
welcome!I do hope you can find the forum helps you discover what it is you want from life i know it has helped me immeasurably and wish you the same.
duncs stepping forward never back.
Thank you Alexis and Duncan. I've been to GA meetings before near Colchester but they just didn't work for me after a few months, this site is much better, let's see how I go, day by day.
Well today is my 5th day without a bet. I now work from home so I can't be tempted into walking into betting shops anymore.
Today I haven't thought about gambling at all, I've been too busy, this evening I have come onto the forum to write in my diary.
No problems today so a bit of a blank post really, which is good news.
Another day tomorrow but today has been a good day
Hey Wilsy,
From your last post your in my neck of the woods.
To carry on from your thread in new mems im sure your gp would refer you to the right people for counselling but i belive there there is usually quite await thats why i suggested contacting gamcare as they may be able to get you an appointment quicker.
Glad to see youve started a diary :0)
Stay Strong
E xx
Hello Elizabeth
Yes I live in Colchester, went to Marks Tey meetings, didn't like them, maybe that's why I relapsed by stopping going but would rather see councilor than to go back to those meetings every week, they really depressed me and got me down.
Day Six (Friday), didn't think about gambling at all, worked from home and didn't set foot outside and was on sales deadline so was too busy to think of anything else. Working from home is helping me lots.
Day Seven (Sat), went into town for first time in a week, thought about how nice it would be to have a flutter and to socialise but walked straight past shops and didn't look in. Watched the football in Yates bar and spoke to three strangers who kept me company. I get lonely where I live, I haven't got any family or friends up here and me and my gf aren't getting on very well which is partly due to my gambling. Went straight home after the game.
Going back to mums and East Sussex next week, going to have a couple of months apart and to be honest I might not come back. Miss home and my fishing and hobbies and friends back there. I am tired in this relationship and maybe a fresh start would do us both good. Only time will tell don't want to give up but need space to think.
Anyway first week done and I have had no problems at all. I think because I have deceived and let down myself and others on too many occasions, I am now determined to stay away from betting.
One day at a time and today I feel free even though I am still bloody bored.
DAY 8 OF NOT HAVING A BET : Sunday and i'm staying in the flat today. Know that sounds sad but I'm having problems in my relationship, she is going out, I was supposed to be going but we've had a row and now I am staying in.
Not even thought about gambling, too much else going on, my head is all over the place. I'm fighting this disease, I am bracing myself for moving back to my parents next weekend, I'm going to have o force my mums hand, to allow me to bring back my guinea pigs, I don't know how me moving 100 miles will effect my work, I don't know if I want to come back, maybe the giving up is making me think about ringing some changes in my like. I personally think my gambling got out of control again 3-4 months ago because I was unhappy and I suppose I may as well start a fresh.
I do feel sorry I have deceived and lied to my girlfriend but maybe we just don't get on and don't like each other. Not looking to blame her but maybe I should have gone home ages ago, maybe we both need a fresh start. It will be sad but maybe we need to be strong.
Anyway I'm doing well and don't give a flying monkeys about having a bet, it's contributed I am sure to my own unhappiness and my girlfriends. Feel like I have wasted hers and my years by having this illness.
Today is a good day but I think it is too soon to just bounce up and enjoy the day, I feel like being a recluse at the moment and don't feel like doing anything. I am sure this will change, pay day on Wednesday, that is if I do get paid. 🙂
Day 9 : Another day working at home does me good, although today I just can't be bothered. Going to venture out in 10 mins to go to Halfords to get a bulb to fix my break light. MOT tomorrow, so going to need some wedge I am sure as It's an old car
My savings has gone down quite a lot over the last few months but don't owe anything and once the car and car tax is sorted, I'll have a fresh start. What's gone has gone and I have the rest of my life to look forward to.
Pay day Weds so transferring every over and paying bills, looking forward to spending what is left on going fishing and saving a little.
Not thought of gambling once today, I really do want to stop for good this time. One day at a time
Day 10 of not having a bet
Normal day today, work from home and haven't left the house. Got paid a day earlier because exhibiting at a show in London tomorrow, this doesn't pose as a problem. Got my car booked in for an MOT, service and then car tax to get, paid my parents the last installment I owed then for a fishing boat I purchased 9 months ago and once I have paid rent and bills the rest will be transferred to my parents.
The difference with me this time is I don't want to have a bet, this Gollum character in my head won't win. Another day tomorrow.
Hi again Wilsy,
I'm really sorry to hear about your predicament with your girlfriend. I find it difficult to understand my feelings and even harder to rationalize my decisions or judgments when I am caught up in an addiction, perhaps a break from her and the gambling will help you put things into perspective and make the right choice. I'm sure you will figure it out soon enough.
What forms of gambling "did" you participate in? Forgive me if I am wrong but I don't recall any mention in your threads, whatever it is have you thought about those blocks that you need to put in place? I know you are heading back down to your parents so should you self exclude from places to give yourself the heads up? I'm sure you know all of this already but I wondered what your plan was.
Well done on 10 days, keep typing away buddy and speak soon.
Hello Alexis,
Thank you for your message of support. I think a break will do me and my gf much good. I am in two minds at the moment, yes it was my choice to continue gambling but I often gamble when I am unhappy, stressed or bored. I am asking myself, how long have I been unhappy for and I think it must be well over a year, which is why it has become out of control again. I am looking forward to going back to my parents, being around friends, all my fishing gear is back there, I will have people to see, drink with etc and I can't wait.
I used to just gamble on horses and dogs Alexis, sometimes I had a go on the roulettes in the bookies but only ever for fun, never span any higher than £5 or £6 but on the dogs and horses, my best would be between £5 and £100.
I never gambled online but I will exclude myself from bookies around me but I feel strong enough to keep out of them anyway as the difference is this time I want to give up.
Counselling is the main one really, I think I suffer from depression and find it hard to forget the past, so I need to speak to someone one on one. I have a destructive personality as well as a addictive personality and money burns a hole in my pocket, I have always wanted to spend it all, even before gambling. I think I have tendencies to act out of character or punish myself for things that go wrong or stupid things I have done. Think I have a very complicated and confused mind.
Yesterday I was at a show in London all day and walked past a few bookies without looking in, today I haven't left the house, again working from home, so I make that 12 days now and I am pleased about that.
If you would like to tell me a little about yourself, I would like to know if we both are quite similar?
I will keep typing and I look forward to speaking to you more as my journey continues.
I can relate to that, it almost feels like I am subconsciously trying to punish myself.
I am also at that point of solidifying my choice to totally abstain. I need to put the blocks in place but just cant bring myself to do it. Please check out my diary if you want to know more about me. You probably know already but you can search my name in the box above, change the search tab from Topics to Authors.
Speak soon buddy
I find it hard to put blocks in place too, almost embarrassed to because of the people I know. I believe I can stay away from shops this time, 100% will power, I know if I set foot in one, I am doing a very bad thing. So I can relate in what you are saying.
I hope Friday is a good day for you and the weekend is a fun weekend, I'll be driving home for much of it.
Enjoy your weekend mate.
Enjoy the fresh air and the fishing if you do any - sounds nice and tranquil, the complete opposite of the daily life of a gambler.
DAY 13 - Another day bet free, haven't been out of house. Old car passed its MOT today, £323.28 plus service. Always hate paying out for MOT and service but at least done for another year and can't afford another car right now. Normally I would try to win some before paying bill but this time just paying it out of my savings and will move on.
Not thought of Gambling today, so am pleased with how things are going, just wish I had a pay day everyday instead having to wait until end of every month 🙂
Looking forward to going back to East Sussex tomorrow.
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