I have worked many different jobs over the years but the bulk of it has been painting work. I worked for a builder between the age of 15-20 in amongst school and Uni. I moved away from my hometown when I was 23 and started from the bottom in a warehouse. In total over the next 3 years I got 3 smallish promotions and ended up managing a team of 10 whilst co-ordinating logistics. Yes, it was incredibly boring and I was happy when I lost my job a couple of years ago which was 100% down to my addictions. I was just about getting by smoking the weed but the gambling sealed the deal as it was at its peak in terms of being a problem. My girlfriend had left me a week or so before I lost my rag with a vending machine and blew up the electrics in the canteen. I was rocking it and the power cable got trapped underneath and cut in half. I was trying to buy a snickers bar, the fuel was supposed to get me through the rest of the day but it hadn't quite come out and was lodged against the glass. I wasn't prepared to spend more as I was scraping around as usual so I thought a shake would do it. I got more and more frustrated and impatient, then I heard the bang as the lights went out.
(Rock bottom) No job! No girlfriend. I wallowed in bed for a few days for the second time in a matter of weeks thinking very bad thoughts. I then slowly came round and looked for jobs with agencies but there was little around, I signed on for a couple of months as it was my only option. I rang all the numbers in the yellow pages for a take away delivery job to see me through and the second to last one took me on a day or two later. I then decided to utilize my skills and start up my own venture working for myself as a painter. The first 9 months was sluggish but I managed to get a job with a larger take away firm with flexible hours between 10-50 hours a week which was perfect. 2 years on and I had only 1-2 months where I wasn't decorating last year. I have since ditched the delivery job as I have no time for it and it is small change really compared to my day job. I have a couple of small jobs on and two houses to do from top to bottom which has all come in at once!!? Fancy a new career then? ; )
I am pleased with my progress but have always felt that it is a means to an end, the problem is I don't know what is next for me now? which brings me round to your pickle. I could tick along just doing this, or try and generate double the work and employ somebody but my heart isn't in it. I have to pursue the music path, it is my biggest passion and if I gave it my full attention then I might actually be able to do something with it. What are you passionate about? I am trying to focus my ideas based around the old Confucius quote which is something like "If you find a job you love, then you'll never have to work another day in your life"
I was always hesitant in my relationship with my long term ex girlfriend as I wasn't thinking straight, my life was dictated by my addictions so therefore anything or anyone else got minimal attention! I was hesitant in that I would often think to throw in the towel if things weren't going well, maybe I don't love her enough or really want her? But I loved her so dearly. I struggled to make a choice, never gave anything 100% and as the time passed she began to resent me. She couldn't wait around for any longer and rightly so. I have moved on but would take her back at any time.
I realize that I have been waffling on but this is helping me also. I decided to go to town on this post as I thought you may relate to some of it. I will also be pasting some of it into my own diary so I don't have to type it all out again.
With regards to your gambling, I think you should definitely go to all the local bookies from both residents and exclude yourself. If you want to quit and are serious, then unless you do this you will be back there at some point. We are holding on my friend, we don't want to let go. From reading everyone else's diary it is an absolute must to put these blocks in place. I have to practice what I preach but I am confident that "when" I install the software, when I have no access to where I would usually gamble, then I cant gamble. If I know I cant gamble then I start to move on. I have never had any desire to venture into casino's or bookies so that is a big plus and I will certainly do all I can to make sure I never go in there under any circumstance. You and I need to get serious. I hope we can help each other out many times on the road ahead.
Have a good day brother.
Hi Alexis,
Blimey what a thread, where do I start, I am not a big talker on computers, face to face you can't stop me talking 🙂
Firstly sorry to hear about your wobbles, seems like you got it out of your system, had one more blast and are now ready to get back on the wagon.
I really appreciate your long thread and I appreciate it helped you whilst typing it, I might not be able to answer all of your questions but I will type what I have in my head.
The threads you are reading of mine at the moment are quite dull and don't say much, firstly I must state until 18 days ago, I have never been able to stop having a bet. Yes some days I wouldn't and at times I reluctantly stopped because other people wanted me to and they wouldn't stop making such a big deal over it. My response was always, I pay may bills, I am generous, we eat well and if I decide to blow £300-600 a month of what I have left it is my choice and I am a man, a man can do what he wants with his own money. I guess I have been very selfish very reluctant to give up. If I were single, I might just carry on, as I like gambling but I don't like the nagging and the worry it causes others, that is why I have woken up, I want my girlfriend to stop worrying and as for my mother, I think she has worried enough.
I decided 18 days ago for the first time, that I did want to stop. Honestly I want to stop and will continue to not have a bet. I understand what you are saying about blocks but I have 3 bookies 5 mins away, I have a dozen or so 6-8 miles away, I have a few in the opposite direction, they are everywhere. I might exclude myself from the three up the road but in all honesty, If I wanted to bet, I would drive miles to do so, I will rely on willpower, it is the only way for me.
Now that I am addressing this, I guess I am going through a transition stage. My head is clearing, I now don't want to spend any money, amazing isn't it, I am careful what I am buying in the supermarkets, etc etc.
The next thing I need to address is my relationship. I am split, I want to live back close to my friends, my family, my nephews, niece, I have my fishing gear at my parents, everything I want to be near to avoid feeling lonely is in East Sussex. I currently live in Essex with my other half, I work from home which is fine apart from not being able to interact with anyone anymore but in Essex, apart from my girlfriend who I just don't get on well with at the moment (She says because of the deceit and lies), I have nothing apart from one friend I used to work with. I don't go out drinking or playing pool in town, I know nobody, I am bored, I and my girlfriend don't do much together partly because I and she doesn't want to if we are arguing. I am going to use this time apart to decide whether I go back or stay down here and be on my own.
The next issue is work. I have been in publishing sales for over 6 years now. I have been at management lever for the last four years and I am very good (Not blowing my own trumpet), the key to doing well at my job, is to have a good memory, listen and most importantly sell to someone with the future in mind, be honest and build trust but most importantly there is no place for a hard sell, a quick deal just for today. The problem with the job is it is hard, we are in a recession a pretty bad one, there is no quick recovery cure, it is boring, tedious, I am constantly at the moment feeling like I can't be bothered, it might have something to do with the fact I have given up something I enjoyed and now I have even less. I know in time it will change, big sales all of a sudden change how you feel, you can enjoy the job one minute and hate it the next. I am not ready to leave the industry yet, because I don't know what I would do instead and I won't take a pay drop to train at something else. I guess most people are only good at one or two things in life, I was a fully trained telecoms engineer for over 8 years which I don't want to return to and I am very good at sales, which bores me. I might one day take that pay drop and decide to do a job less stressful and I can enjoy.
My head has emptied and I am too tired to waffle on any longer tonight, but you've helped me get what I am thinking out, so until tomorrow my friend, I await your reply.
Cheers bud, Andy
That was a nice read. I wish I could retract my thrown in comment or lack of about sales/advertising. Pick 10 people and study their lives, work history etc. There is no general plan, your gut should help you with most of your choices. I know it is a daunting prospect of stopping something you are so familiar with and starting from scratch (everyone on this site will agree to that)! but you have life skills and transferable skills so you shouldn't have many problems adjusting. Other than that I cant really say much more in terms of advice, you know all this already I'm sure but in the hope that it helps, I will type it.
I think in terms of the salesman in you then you seem to be selling the idea of living around your family and friends more than the prospects of being with your girlfriend but I guess we feel different on different days. Can she move too?
I 100% understand why you say what you say about the bookies but wonder if this is you trying to hold on. From what I read the psychological benefit from making that choice and carrying out that positive act alone makes it worth while. Now you have turned your back on them and have decided to march mightily in the opposite direction I also wonder whether going to the bookies to do so is actually a bad idea as it has been a while. I think overall it is probably best to do it though.
Sorry if I made you type a long reply, you don't have to do anything for my benefit.
Speak soon
I Alexis, I am pleased you sent me a long thread, I gladly replied and you are right in my hearts of hearts I want to live back in East Sussex but the loyalty towards my girlfriend and because she has supported me through all of this, means it would be harsh t just call time on the relationship. It isn't her fault that I have been taken over by this addiction and I probably haven't been the person who she first met at the beginning when I told her everything and quit for like 6 months. I think I owe it to her and myself to go back and give it one last go, if we still argue and if we don't get on, I can come back. Unfortunately she can't come back she wouldn't change her job or get the same job back in Sussex, maybe one day in the future but she has just brought a house. That is the other difficult thing, I don't owe the flat so I don't have a say, that causes arguments.
I love horse racing and dog racing, I am ready to walk in the right direction and I don't want to gamble again. I will take each day as it comes for sure, I still don't want to let go but that is only my brain telling me that, my willpower will hopefully keep me on the straight and narrow. Gambling is a sin, it is rotten to the core and me and you are better off without it.
I have gone 19 days today. I watched some racing on television today, all big fields and the favs got turned over. i thought out of 18+ runners, a punter has one in 18 chances of guessing the right reslut (On a win only stake), the bookies have 17 chances of winning your money. I am not willing to stake my money on a chance bet anymore, that is all it is, a guess, that's why you can't win every race, you can't guess right each time and that is why eventually we lose.
Anyway I didn't bet today and didn't want to but enjoyed watching it on tv, looking at it differently.
Speak soon Alexis, I hope you have had a better day today.
Cheers Andy
My diary tells you the story of my day 😉
I am sure she will appreciate the gesture of you moving back. The truth is and you are already aware that CG's have a negative effect on those close to them. We let our demons take control of our actions and we can bring out demons in others. If she was the type of person who goes around making others feel less of a person than her then I doubt you would be with her. Sure me and my mother get on, but we too b**t heads. When there was no gambling around we didn't have so much of a problem.
A little worried about you watching the dogs but you came away with the right attitude. Try not to make a habit out of it. There are so many doors open to gamble mate and there will be times in the future when you will be prone to irrationality or you may just be vulnerable, I think it is wise to lock those doors before that time comes.
All the best
Hi Alexis,
We have locked horns over the 3 years we have been together. If I stay gamble free and I take a look at myself but she isn't prepared to look at herself and we still don't get on, then it has run it's course but will have to see.
I know mate, shouldn't watch at all but I am ok at the moment, long may it continue.
I'm going to have a read of your diary again now 🙂
20 Days done today and I haven't had a bet, which is very pleasing, 3 whole weeks tomorrow and I'm going fishing, so I'll be busy
20 days.
Nearly 3 whole weeks.
And fishing tomorrow.
Sounds perfect to me, enjoy the fishing!
GT
As GT said - well done. Fishing? Thank cod I never got hooked on that. Have fun
If you are looking for laughs don't go to JS, he steals them from 2p xmas crackers ; )
Did you had fun today buddy? The sun was out here for a lot of it, I hope you got some too and made a nice catch.
1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'
Thanks GT, JS and Alexis. Yeah the fishing was ok, lovely weather, fishing was a tad slow but caught a couple when others around me caught nothing.
21 days up today, so happy to go 3 weeks without a bet, really enjoyed today and looking forward to a lay in tomorrow now.
Tomorrow, I won't bet either 🙂
22 days without a bet today. Been doing jobs around mums house, cleaned out the guinea pigs and had them out in the garden for the first time in their young lives. It was a lovely day today, the sun was in my face and I felt free of gambling, feel a new man :-).
Tomorrow I am fishing again, looking forward to a day off work.
Aww, that was sweet, enjoying the simple things. I still cant get the image of the guinea pigs in the seat of the car out of my head ; )
Glad all is well, hope the fish will come snapping tomorrow.
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