My recovery diary - Last bet 18/02/2012 - Forwards and upwards

Wilsy,

I COD not help but laugh at the fish jokes,hope they dont make you TENCH

and let us know when you HADDOCK enough!!lol

glad to see you are still gamble free fella and enjoying life again

duncs stepping forward.

Hi Duncan,

Very funny mate, keep the jokes coming. Went fishing at a local lake today, I blanked, starting to think I can't do it anymore. Got tomorrow off and might go again, I won't be defeated. This fishing isn't cheap though but I must convince myself, this kind of spending is healthy, that is why I work, to enjoy myself and well as to eat and pay bills. I am sure I would have gone through a lot more if I had been gambling.

DAY 23 - Been fishing and had no bet or even thought about having a bet, caught the sun tho.

wilsy

I promise to stop CARPING on with the fishing jokes lol. I am sure you will find a fish soon fella,my next door neighbour is mad on course fishing he often goes out on friday afternoon and dont come back till sunday, lives in a tent for two days eats cold beans and most weeks i think he does'nt catch a thing. Still as you said fella it beats gamblig hands down, by not gambling your life improves and the lives of those around you will also.

have a good one fella

duncs one more day steppig forward.

DAY 24 DONE

Haven't a clue what happened at Cheltenham today, a meeting I used to have some lumpy bets on and some big wins. I can imagine though some favorites got beat and there are some suffering people out there, unable to sleep waiting for tomorrow to come round, so they can chase their losses.

Today was a missed day, had a lay in, went shopping (Food), saw my girlfriend, then i had a really bad migraine, I felt my eye was going to explode. I had to go to bed at 3 and got up at half 7. Got a show to go to tomorrow for work, which I hate, it is at Earls Court so got to get up and put on the suit. Really enjoyed the last two days off and am enjoying being back in East Sussex. Even my girlfriend is now thinking how nice it would be that if we both lived back down here. I pray it happens one day.

All in all, a good day and not thought about having a bet. Tomorrow is another day, I'll be 25 days gamble free, I think I have been longer maybe two months so am determined to keep strong and continue the good work.

I hope everyone has had good days themselves, sleep well.

DAY 25 DONE

Been to London today, had a business show to exhibit at called the Retail Business Technology Expo which is annual and held at Earls Court, pretty boring day and my feet are killing me, got back about 8pm. Had a moment at Victoria station when I walked into a *********. Not to have a bet but just to watch the TV. I watched one dog race and walked out, I knew I shouldn't of been in there and realized it was potentially risky but it opened my eyes that I need to be careful, the 40 minute wait for the train could have been my downfall, thank god I didn't have a bet, was I testing myself?

Anyway 25 days has pleased me, I am showing strength I didn't know I had and I will continue to work hard to remain bet free. Just mustn't walk into bookies even if I wanted to watch the tv. 🙂

You're right mate. Not even when you're desperate for the loo either. Well done for not caving in but no need to offer yourself the temptation. Well done on 25 days. Keep it up.

Ian.

wilsy

morning fella well done for passing the quarter century fantastic. I will just remind you of that triangle fella TIME-LOCATION-MONEY. You did i guess have all three at your disposal at the station but try to take one out fella you dont want to risk the temptation of the demon returning. Just think buddy you may have left the smoke with your mind re scrambled and all to show for it maybe one of those FREE PENS lol. duncs one more day stepping forward.

Hi Ian & Duncan,

Thanks guys, I did scare myself a little bit, I guess it was silly, I had money on me but literally walked in without the intention of betting, watched one race and walked out, I knew I shouldn't be in there and it gave me the shivers. I understand what you are both saying, why risk everything and I shouldn't tempt temptation like that and put myself in the cauldron of fire.

Time, location and money is a danger in all three senses but I will pat myself on the back and say well done to myself for not caving in, like you said Ian.

Thanks for your words of support guys, today I am back working at home, so touch wood, at the end of today, day 26, I still wouldn't have had a bet. 🙂

So what happens now you are back? Touching wood in your last post left me wondering if you had a slight niggle or concern? I don't want you relying on luck now buddy, it is your attitude and decisions that have got you this far. Sorry if I am barking up the wrong tree here but I would like to know your thoughts about the near future. You are back into your routine and I wonder if there is anything that you want to talk about? If not, then ignore me. Either way I have an ear here, ready to listen to anything you have to say.

Well done for getting through your moment of tempting fate at the bookies. I have read numerous diaries that talk about that fateful and costly toilet stop and I was relieved to see you held up, well done.

I'm glad you had a nice trip, I hope the Guinea pigs have recovered from their travels.

All the best

Hi Alexis,

I am not back home yet, I am still staying at my mothers and might extend my stay for another month. What I mean't by being home is I work from home every day and yesterday was one day, when I was in London.

No niggle's or concerns mate, I had 45 minutes to wait for a train, I had a McDonalds and had about £2.50 in my wallet. A ********* at Victoria Station caught my attention. I walked in, I don't know why, maybe to test myself or to just watch the monitors, I didn't walk in to have a bet. I watched one race, saw people gambling, felt uneasy and walked out. I wasn't relying on luck, I am maybe just a chancer, felt I could walk in and watch the screens but that really isn't a very good idea to keep doing that. The positive I took as I walked out rather than staying in there. Like we all know at this early stage in our recoveries, things happen to test us and I didn't ***, I stayed strong.

I do have a routine now, it is called working from home and I think it has helped me to stay away from bookies, high streets etc. Now that I am back working from mums, I can't bet but I would like to think I was strong enough not to bet now, if I had to work from an office again, in a town.

I shouldn't have put myself in that position, how would I have felt if I had ruined 25 days, by putting £2.50 into a machine 🙂

I am pleased I have made a friend by you and I appreciate your comments every day and that you are there for me. How are you coping my friend, sounds tough what you are going through at the moment, lots of motions going through your head but there are lots of us on here all behind you and routing for you. You will be a success once you conquer a few habits holding you back.

The Guinea Pigs still have that travel to do at some point, I will go back to my girlfriend when ready. I can't believe I mentioned my guinea pigs, how sad am I, lol.

Speak soon buddy, keep in touch. I've managed to go 26 days now, I won't be going anywhere tonight, so I am safe.

Cheers Bud

Andy

Oh I C!

Sorry about the mishap, i didn't hear anything about your plan when you go back so worried that you may be neglecting talking about it for some reason. You are safe and content and that is all I need to know.

I get what you say about working from home being good for you, the train station incident proved that. I cant help but think what may of happened had you had £250. Would you even go in there to begin with? I think it would have tested you incredibly, don't go in there again, ever!

Guinea pigs, Lol. Each to their own matey ; ), don't worry what others think!

I am doing alright, clocking up the days and acknowledging the need for change. Thanks for your comments also.

Speak soon

Tired and bored of work today, working at home can be like this sometimes, very hard to remain motivated.

I won't be logging in later so baring any major incidents, at the end of today, I will be 27 days bet free.

Until tomorrow, have a good weekend everyone, stay strong and resist your urges, we've all come so far

Come on here tonight because had a big wobble earlier. Have been stuck in the house all day today, the job is really boring me, felt tired, hungry, sluggish. Parents had gone out, stuck here on my own, bored, without my girlfriend. Had a massive urge to gamble. Picked up my wallet and got in the car, drove into town, thought about how easy it would be to draw out twenty quid and to have a gamble for an hour and to be sociable with someone. In the end drove into Tesco's and frantically started buying food items. Remembered what my girlfriend said about calling her if felt worried about gambling. Called her in middle of store, felt emotional actually, the urge was so strong, felt upset, spoke to her told her how I was feeling, she told me to grab lots of nice food items. Bought sweets, chocolate, milkshakes, bread, all sorts, I even then went to the Chinese take away, to cheer myself up. My girlfriend told me to fight the evil monster sitting on my shoulder and to go straight home. I did drive home and once the front door was shut, i felt safe and a relief that I didn't ***. 27 days have past without a bet and I am finding it harder recently. I need a life which is more rewarding and enjoyable than the one I have at the moment. I can see now how much my girlfriend means to me and I know I want a future with her but I seriously need to consider getting another job even if I get paid less, I need to enjoy what I am doing and I need a holiday!

Anyway pleased I didn't crumble under pressure, just goes to show you mustn't take anything for granted and this disease isn't beat yet, I'm going to have to fight this for ever, which is depressing enough to think about.

I hope I have a weekend of enjoyment, football match to go to tomorrow then fishing on Sunday. 🙂

DAY 28 FINISHED NO BET TODAY

After yesterday's wobble, I have been comfortable again today. I got up early and walked down to a local fishing lake to see some friends then at 11.00am, went up to watch Crystal Palace play football with another friend. The score was 0-0 which was disappointing but was pleased to go out and do something enjoyable and didn't want a bet.

Now at home after buying some nice flowers and chocolates early for my mum for mothers day.

Looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow.

DAY 29 DONE - NO BET TODAY but my emotions

Done nothing today, got my mum some lovely flowers for £15 and a box of Thornton's chocolates for £6.

Saw my sister and played with my young nephews until around 2pm, then I had to go for a drive. Started to feel down again. Friday evening and today I have lost the will to live. I just feel depressed not because of money but with life generally. I can't stand the thought of work tomorrow, I don't feel the urge to gamble but still find the urge to spend. I had to take a drive into town, went to a TESCO superstore, brought myself the 'Games of Thrones' season one blu-ray for £32.00, put £25.00 in the car and brought, some food, drink etc.

Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy spending my money, which I would have only lost if gambled still but it isn't making me feel any happier. All I keep thinking about is what to buy next. I have been on ******* today and other shopping sites, wondering what t purchase next. Does anybody else have massive urges to still spend their money in compensation for not gambling anymore?

Pleased I have gone 29 days but I still feel fed-up and want to be a recluse.

Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better but I doubt it, I am sick of work at the moment and the way I am feeling, I simply can't be bothered with it.