My Road to Debt, Recovery and Relapse.

Day 9

Hi everyone,

No real updates to provide. I have not gambled, another weekend ahead of staying in and saving money.

Thanks

Callum

Day 25

Hello everyone,

Just a note to say that I havn't gambled for 25 days. I'm filing up my time working and studying at college. I'm restricting my access to money by ensuring my dad gives me less of an allowance each week where the remaining will go towards paying off my debts.

I was reflecting today on how gambling has impacted on me as a person. Gambling has crushed my confidence and my levels of self esteem. However, at least I'm not the deceitful, selfish, person I was when gambling heavily.

I'll check in again later in the week.

Thanks

Callum

Day 28

Almost a month in now, no real urges to gamble.

2 years today and I'll be debt clear

Well done CC on 28 days of getting your self esteem back and actually winning:)))

Keep strong and keep taking one day at a time:))

Suzanne xx

Day 41,

Thanks Suzanne x

Hi All,

Just checking in to say that I'm 41 days Gambling clear. I'm following the 3 way triangle through self exclusion and limiting my access to any money.

I've started taking my tablets again for my mental illness and I am beginning to feel slightly better about myself.

My record is 270 days ish.

Cheers

Callum

Hi all,

I've relapsed and I think it's necessary to bring this thread back to fruition.

I've lost aboutt £200 during the last two weeks, I'm not sure what caused me to relapse. I think it's just general boredom with my life currently. It's extremely disappointing and I've got that feeling of making sacrifices again to make sure I can recoup the money back I've lost. I'm still in around 3k of debt from my gambling in 2015.

The same feelings have emerged, demotivation, guilt and low self esteem. How do you guys cope with such emotions?

My parents still control all my money, but I've lied to them during the last couple of weeks saying ive bought a new phone exc to fund my gambling addiction

Thanks

Callum

Day 4

Positive day at work today. Kept myself busy and concentrated on filling my time, no real urges. I just need to ensure complacency doesn't kick in. Updating on this helps me maintain focus

Thanks

Callum

Day 5

Extremely busy at work and studying at college which is good. Looking forward to being a week GF since my relapses started!

Stay strong all and keep that wild animal within under control. I've tried to think longer term, which is helping

Day 6

First time I've thought about gambling since last Friday, temptation to go to the bookies was strong after work today but i resisted. Think I'll be leaving my bank card at home tomorrow!

Thanks

Callum

Day 9

Been hungover all day today with no money to gamble given I spent my weekly allowance getting drunk at the weekend. Reminded me of how much I hate hangovers!

One day at a time, looking forward to 14 days come Friday

Day 10

Still GF, leaving the card at home really helps - would recommend to all. Taking away 'one' of the traingle

Thanks

Callum

Day 14

2 weeks GF! Bit of a success considering the 3 weeks prior to that I gambled each week.

The feelings are still there. I've decided once I get to 28 days I'll go to a GA meeting here in Bradford. This should hopefully prevent any complacency kicking in

Day 16

The weekend has been a test. I needed my debit card yesterday to collect my train tickets but I left it at home, with the feeling of having to pay for them again, gambling came into my head as a quick win.

With the option of gambling as a last resort, I asked someone at the train station whether I could borrow their debit card to activate the ticket machine, luckily the man agreed and I was able to collect my tickets without gambling - Massive relief. I need to try and get the thoughts of gambling out of my head when situations like this happen, it's as if the situation shouldn't of happened and I therefore need to gamble to get a quick win as I shouldnt have to pay for it - if that makes sense!

The football today was again tempting but not tempting enough for me to put a bet on! which is good. Life does seem emptier wothout gambling, but I'm a much more content person and don't have the urge to do bad things in order to get my money back

Thanks

Callum

Hi all,

I've just paid off the last of my debt from 3 years ago. I'm feeling quite down about it, I think it's suddenly hit me how much I lost and how little I've got left from 3 years of solid working purely to pay back a debt.

I'm unhappy at work in a minute and I'm feeling very insecure. I should be happy but instead I'm in tears. Has anyone else felt like this after paying off their debt

Thanks

Callum

Hello Callum, I just happened upon your diary and read the previous entries then saw this most recent one. It sounds like remorse set in in hindsight of now being able to take a look at all that hard work; the work it took to pay off the debt. It's a marking point and I would think that what your feeling is completely natural. It's not like working really hard to make a downpayment for a car where you can see what you have with the material evidence and proud feeling of driving it around. The accomplishment that you just have made is not evidenced by material thing (s). The accomplishment you have just made is far far greater and commendable than money can buy. The addiction of compulsive gambling is insidious, as you well know. You are young and you have gone through it and now , even though you wonder what you have gained because all the money went to pay off debt, YOU have done something that cgs struggle to do for 1/2 their adult lives. If you can nail this addiction and stay put with the debt behind you and solid ground beneath your feet. Hold your head high... and if you even fall back do just as you have in the past, get back right away to recovery. The cg cycle is endless. The rock bottoms keep getting lower. Please feel the honor you deserve of making it to this point. Congratulations! Some tears , yes. And now a pat on the back and celebrate. tara2