So I recently posted on the new member section that I came on here a few years ago when I had just lost a few thousand of my own money on online casinos.
Well 3 years on and I am now in £20000 worth of debt, my biggest regret is not listening to the people on here who said stop when you have just lost your own money.
A bit about me, I am in my early 20's and next week I start a new career which I am excited about therefore I am taking a stand now and stopping this senseless gambling while I still have a bright future.
I started gambling on my 18th birthday, I could not wait to put a legal bet on the football and like all of us; I was winning a lot at the beginning. Fast forward a few months and I found slots and roulette and thats where things to a real turn for the worse. Now I am qite good with numbers and after 3 years of looking at online slots and roulette, I have only just taken notice of the small number they advertise for each game called RTP (Return to Player)%. How is it I can look at the number and it says 97%RTP and I think to myself thats a good game to be playing? If I played that game for the rest of my life the best most perfect outcome would be I would lose 3% of my money. How amazing is that, we play game where it is physically impossible to win and it is advertised for us before we even start.
Anyway I have had periods where my life has changed so much for the better when I have abstained from gambling, even in the space of a month. Therefore this really is it for me, I have no choice but to change my situation, I have got myself into this and I have to take the responsibility of getting out of it, who knows I may just learn a few valuable lessons coming out the other side.
I thought I would list my current debts just to show how quickly things can go downhill when gambing, pleas bear in mind I was accepted for all of this credit in a 6 month period right after I had abstained from gambling for a while, my wages went up a lot, my credit score went up a lot; I literally got pre approved credit cards through the post every single week for about 3 months. This is just an indicator of how easy it is to access large sums of money to use for gambling, so please really think about it before you apply for any type of credit while still gambling.
The debts are as follows:
£15,000 bank loan
2 x Almost maxxed credit cards at £2000 each.
Now usually I would find a way to switch these debts onto 0% cards or consilidate them onto a small interest bank loan, but my excessive spending and credit applications have abolutely ruined my credit score therefore I will have to do this the hard way.
I will be earning enough with my new career to make my payments comfortably but it will take my 5 years to be debt free.
I plan to spend today organising my finances as I tend to cope better when I am proactively tackling a problem.
I will make sure I post on here every single day for the foreseeable future, today is my day 1.
Thankyou for taking the time to read this, and I wish everyone all the best.
Regards
JMan
I have just realised I wrote all that and did not think about why I gamble.
I guess for me it is and always has been escapism, I have had a few difficult periods in my teenage years including 2 very close family members becoming critically ill as well as estranged relationships in the family.
Therefore when I am gambling, all of this goes away.
I would say I am relaitvely happy most of the time and I supposed my friends would say the same, all in all I have a good life with a bright future but the stress of debts and the feeling after I lose money gambling puts me in a dark place.
I am going to refocus my energy into my work, my relationships and my future. I am not going to focus on my debts, they are there and they are not going away anytime soon, my credit rating is non existent but I have to spend the next 5 years working my way out of debt and building savings. Not applying for anything else on credit is my best way forward, what a feeling it will be in 5 years to say I am completely debt free.
Welcome jman123...you sound really determined and sorted. Are you limiting your access to money in anyway and/or access to gambling, or do you feel that making the decision to stop is sufficient for you?
Evening Rhoda
Thankyou for reading my post, I have limited to a certain extent, unfortunately not having access to my debit card is not an option but everything else has been cut up.
Day 1 almost finished, I spent the day proactively writing down my debts and working out my own debt plan, money is going to be tight for the foreseable future but at least I am paying my way, as for gambling I have not had may urges today due to keeping busy but I will not let my guard down as I know as soon as I am relaxing/bored I will look to reach for my phone to gamble.
I will not let this happen! On to day 2.
Thought I would post now while I have the chance, almost finished my second day gambling free!
Been keeping busy and it has been working although I have some down time tonight where I would usually reach for my phone/laptop to have a bet. I wont be doing that tonight instead I will be keeping myself proactive, this month financially is looking super tight but I will find a way to get through it, after all everything has to be put into perspective and my version of no money is different to maybe someone else in a deprived country, I have to be grateful for what I have got as I always gambled in order to make money and make myself feel more financially secure but it always went the other way.
Anyway onto day 3, will post tomorrow evening sometime.
Wishing everyone the best
Almost through day 3 of gambling free
Today was much more of a struggle because its football day so would have had a bet on usually.
I found myself getting very frustrated as I couldnt seem to go 5 mins without seeing an advert for a betting special offer either on tv or even when watching youtube.
But its another day ticked off, my bank balance is very low but has not moved in 3 days which has not happened in a long time.
On to day 4
Hope everyone is doing well
Hi JMan123
Just had a read of your diary and I must say how honest and open it seems something us gamblers tend to replace with lies and deceit during our gambling period or I certainly did ! Got to agree with you on a couple points how easy it is to get credit nowadays for someone so young and also you cannot watch anything on TV without an advertisement for betting ! The only thing I can comment on is you have realised this at a young age and if you WANT you can get your life back on track but as I have said only if you WANT it ? Well done on 3days GF it's not easy at all in the early days but in the long run you begin to feel a lot better than when you were gambling believe me ! I shall look out for future posts and good luck !
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
Day 4 done 🙂 Had the most urges today as I have had quite a bit of free time so that will be a big thing for me in the future.
Thanks for taking time to post Darren I really appreciate it, your words have really resonated with me and I have to want to do this it is the only way, everything else will fall into place if the desire to stop is there.
Going to get an early night and likely catch up on some reading something I have not done in a long time, onto day 5...
Thanks Jman day 5 tomorrow. Keep it up.
You got this!
Well onto day 5, been extremely busy today so being honest gambling has been the last thing on my mind. I am beginning to grow wary of this though as I know from previous experience that distraction only lasts so long so I am very much on my guard.
Managed to spend last 15 minutes reading through everyones diaries, great to see so many people changing their lives. It inspires me to continue with my own diary.
On to day 6, looking forward to getting into double figures.
Good evening people
Day 6 almost done and dusted 😀
Feeling positive this evening, been a very busy day and being honest there has been things much more important to focus on over gambling, so again I have not had any urges today.
I suppose this is a sign I am beginning to regain a clear perspective on how much of a waste of money but also time gambling is, I can do great things when I focus on them, therefore gambling cannot be part of my focus at all.
Im enjoying posting on here every day, I hope everyone is doing well and I will look to spend a couple of hours catching up with peoples diaries towards the end of the week.
On to day 7...
Well day 7 is done, I know this may sound naive but I am in a totally different headspace than I was 7 days ago, this may be due to work being so busy but I am already thinking much clearer. I had a few urges just a few minutes ago but I cam on here to post instead.
Managed to make my loan payments and the 2 minimums on my credit cards today, it has left me with sweet f***l but at least they are paid. Going to be very tight until pay day but I was the one who gambled my direct debits money on a stupid slot site that was so dodgy that there was every chance I would have never have got any money from them at all.
On to day 8, I look forward to having more time this weekend to properly catch up on everyones diaries.
All the best
Good Morning All
Havent posted for the last few days due to being late home from work, pleased to say I have stayed gambling free and Im now on day 10 🙂 Into double figures!
I got home last night and got into bed and I instantly wanted to gamble as I was feeling pretty exhuasted, I am beginning to learn that I gamble through feelings and behaviour, and wanting to 'escape' from whatever is going on in life for a little while.
Knowing this enables me to better understand how I can control these urges as I am able to 'escape' through something else such as maybe putting a film on.
One problem I am currently having is that when gambling one of my favourite past times was to watch streams and videos of gamblers on Youtube, I still find myself almost subconciously going onto youtube and searching for gambling videos. This has to stop.
I have relapsed before as a direct result of trying to get the same big wins from slot games that these youtubers play therefore I realised I can no longer watch these videos in order to make sure I stay on the right road.
Anyway I will update tomorrow but I can assure you and myself that I will not be gambling today 🙂
Hope everyone is good.
All the best
Well day 11 is almost over and today has been a bit more difficult than most, had a few urges to have a bet on the football or google to see if there is any new casinos about.
But I did not do either of those and im feeling good moving on to day 12, and being completely honest the biggest thing for me to avoid doing this has been visualising coming on to my diary and having to write that I have relapsed, that would be completely soul destroying for me, as well as having to start from day 1. Therefore I am going to use this, every single day I rack up on my total is a day I want to keep therefore this diary has been a complete godsend.
Anyway will have a busy week this week, will post on here tomorrow night.
Just checking in as been a long day, I have made a promise that I will post on here every day to continue my recovery, although I will miss a few days later this week due to being out of the country.
Day 12 done and Im feeling good, I have very little money left which is making it easier not to gamble, but without the gambling spend I am coping so it will be a struggle for the next few weeks at least but I will get through it.
What I want to stop is the irrational thoughts creeping in such as "Ive only got 20 quid left I might aswell gamble it and try to make it 200 becase 20 quid is going to get me nowhere". I have had thoughts like this so many times in the past and acted upon them, which directly lead me to borrow money to then survive and gamble more.
I will not be doing this though, on to day 13 tomorrow.
Hope everyone is good
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