Hi all,
Gambling has always been something i have been involved within whether this be flipping a 5 pence coin in my early teens battling to see who would win the 5p prize or more recently throwing £100 into the FOBTs in the local bookies.
When i turnt 18 i was very excited to finally go to the casino and place some football bets! This started out as good fun as the casino trips once a month with a few mates spending a sensible amount and having a laugh. I felt i had everything under control and always told my parents and girlfriend how much i spent, how much i won or how much i lost. Football betting is something i havent come addicted to i would say (could be wrong) and this is because i rarely win but more importantly when i lose its not something i get at annoyed at or feel i have to chase, i wouldnt spend more than £20 a week on a few accumulators and for what i am getting paid and what i have to pay (barely an bills) this is not something i miss as i only need cash for social things and petrol, i have no dependants for now.
Casino became more of an occasion twice a week rather than twice a month and i was still managing to spend a fair amount but nothing which bothered me as i was winning what i was losing and pretty much breaking even or losing £40 a week max(all adds up).
My problem became apparent around two months ago when i started taking a lot of trips to the local bookies and playing roulette chasing the rush of hitting my most favoured number. I couldnt set myself a target, i was walking out with £200 on me but 24 hours later this was fed back into the machines. I dont feel right now i have a major problem but i only see this getting worse as time goes on, for example right now i have started a new job in very big business and am going to be on a fair amount for someone who has no bills or dependents, so i have a fair amount of expendable cash. I have been out of the job for around 2 months now and am still waiting for my first pay day from my new job. i had around £15 the other day to my name until pay day in around two weeks but this is not a problem because my parents understand this and are happy to give me petrol/food money for the few weeks ahead but i still felt i had to gamble this £15 and you never guess what i was sitting in Coral with a £200 ticket in my hand ready to cash in and £175 on my screen, i managed to say to myself 'Okay, £200 here and ill take £100 from the machine at minimum' i then played with the £75 and lost it(no problem) as i cashed out £300! What a moment, the plan was to take girlfriend out at weekend, fill tank and put the rest in bank! But what happened was i lost it all the next day in l*******s, i drove to the bank but thought before that ill leave £200 in car and play £100 on thr machines and you guessed it, i lost. i went out annoyoed at myself but hey-ho still £200 up from the two days. This was shortly lived as i lost this in the same machine within about 45 minutes. Wow, im an idiot!
No date weekend, no full tank and i was back to asking parents to borrow money until pay-day.
Have i problem, if so how bad is it? I want to gamble, i enjoy it but is it possible to gamble without being addicted?
Thanks for reading.
The **** are two betting companies, sorry didnt realise couldnt mention names.
any comments apprecited
Soz it took so long for a response...
Sorry to say this but you have a problem & there is no such thing for us as gambling without being addicted...We cannot win because we cannot stop!
The good thing is you are young & in a fantastic place to be able to turn this around but you probably need some help nipping this in the bud before it drags you places most of us have been! Addiction thrives on secrecy & so beating it is best done with some help from parents, girlfriend, here, GA, anywhere you can get it really. In the early days, breaking the gambling triangle (Money-Time-Location, remove one & you can't gamble) is key & self exclusions plus handing over finances should be your starting point.
You have a long journey ahead of you but it's well worth starting it now...Don't be the mug I was & leave it another lifetime! Choose life, not gambling - ODAAT
ODAAT:
Thanks for the reply, dont be sorry at all id rather know the truth now and sort my problem out before it gets to a point of no return or where it really starts to affect my life!
Secrecy is probably the biggest factor in my case i feel. Agree? I have always been a proud person who doesnt like to give in/be weak and in a addiction case this is what most men have i think so its probably best i be a man and face the facts!
Thanks for comments- means alot!
That pride is a common theme...It is what stops most of us asking for help even when we realise that we can't do it alone! I have a great job & although I'm starting to soften to the idea, when I first came here, I strongly felt that no-one I work with would ever believe me if I told the truth. A touch of arrogance maybe, how could anyone as clever as me @ hiding it & as competent & together ever be believed, but I've read enough here to know that I'm not alone. Hell, it took me nearly 3 decades to even accept I had a problem as I trailed along in my mother's wake...She's a compulsive gambler too & did horrible stuff to feed her habit. In my mind, I wasn't broken like that, I was only messing up my own life & besides, I could stop if I wanted to...HA! Night after night I promised myself no more as I blazed through any withdrawal limit I had set myself & continued until I ran out of money or the shop closed. Every penny of a 'win' went back, plus more...I'll keep this & have a little play with that. Oh, all gone, just try another fiver, tenner, hundred (depending on what stage of my career you look @), gone, shoot, well, it's gotta pay out soon, just get some more money. Me against the machine, I'm better than a machine, can't let it beat me...Bah, what a mug! Going home every night & painstakingly writing out my finances again & figuring out when I could be debt free...Periodically increasing the limits on my credit cards, taking out another loan, remortgaging my house, downsizing, spending my inheritance on nothing that I planned. The list goes on & on & on, my journey started the same way as most, losing pennies, which then became silver, turned into pounds & as the stakes got higher, I stopped playing with my money & played with borrowed money. Truth is, I was really playing with my life & this site plus some great support @ home & a huge helping if willpower has shown me that to survive, I cannot gamble anymore! I am an addict & I will have to live with this all my life, keeping a keen eye out for Mr Gamble trying to steal his way back in but I'd rather live watching him than feeding him. Being normal is pretty much the best feeling in the world! People who know best about addiction believe that it is a mask, somewhere to go when we are trying to deal with other emotions (day@atime), I have also read there are 2 types, thrill & escape...I don't know what caused me to gamble, I still believe that greed was a huge part of it but I'm lucky, I don't need answers. I've found what I needed & it was very simple, quit! Putting that into action has been much harder than that little word suggests but read around the site, no-one regrets recovery (duncanmac's is a very good diary)!
Weakness would be allowing this to go unchecked...I'm really hoping that coming here so early will make it easier to put this behind you but use the tools anyway as 'many hands make light work'.
Let that secret out & start fighting - ODAAT
Thanks for the comments and thoughts- they mean alot, honestly!
Right now i havent got much money, so the real task starts when i get paid on the 24th this month.
Will update when that happens
Hi,
You know payday is a problem, you could plan NOW how you're going to deal with it. Planning on payday itself or the next day may involve being tempted to gamble.
Can you hand over financial control? If not, then open an instant saver, (cash card only) and move your spending money into it by Direct Debit, set up other DDs to pay vital outgoings at the same time, all to be drawn on pay day. Hopefully if the bulk of your salary is moved out of harm's way quickly, you'll be able to stay gamble free.
As ever, taking positive action now will help but it's but your call.
Wish you well,
CW
Wow, didnt expect so much advice and positive comments. Really does mean alot and i can see how important forums and things similar like this can be, more needs to be done to stop the problem. It made me feel sick and emotianal about your story David1964, i hope you are recovering well. Any time you need to talk, im not a stranger mate you offered your help with me and ill do the same.
Im about to look into Gamblock... never heard of it i must say
Cynical Wife: Panning is a fantastic idea, Excel opened on my laptop with all of my expected outgoings and then what i can afford to pay for, helps managing finances as well gambling problem, means alot- Thank you
Hi Lewis, just wanted to drop in & say WOW...You are really embracing this recovery which is fantastic to hear 🙂 I was also going to say, don't wait but you're not so good on you 🙂 Everyone on here, victims (friends & family) & suffers is here to help & get help so if you are planning on sticking around, you may find starting a diary over in the recovery section useful!
There are other software blockers as well as gamblock & betfilter...K9 (free I think) & netnanny & you may want to research & see which works best for your device...My damage wasn't done online so I'm not an expert but Gamcare operators may be able to give you a steer!
Seriously, a huge welcome to recovery & for what it's worth, even in these early days, yours is exactly the attitude you will need to get your life back - ODAAT
Hi Lewis
Been having a thorough read of all the comments and I'm not much older than you myself. I joined on Sunday evening, as I felt that it was the best thing for me to do. As ODAAT said, the key thing I have learnt over the last few days in joining is Time, Money and Location - Time is a big factor. Boredom is why I feel the need, roulette online and booooom, its gone. You might have a minor problem, but act on it now, believe me. I've felt low of recent, I haven't missed any payments etc but I know I have had to ask the parents to bail me out a couple of times. Come on here, give us the good news that you have been bet free on FOBT, still have your small dabble on football as normal, thats harmless. I love my football and horse racing, horse racing I love the knowledge side and have a littel dabble. Its Roulette, same as you. Act now Lewis and you'll thank yourself. Welcome to the group anyway!
Soz Happy10, welcome to recovery but I have to strongly disagree with your suggestion to just bin the FOBTs! I am by no means an expert & to some extent, I'm chucking stones in a glass house because I occasionally chuck a few quid on the lottery but some of my worse urges have been for other types of gambling than what catapulted me into the black hole in the 1st place! Some for gambling I've never tried because it doesn't interest me (races) & some for gambling I just didn't get (online)!
Self exclude, download the software...Remove the location & don't give addiction a chance to suck you back in by a different route!
Update- not a nice one im afraid
Hello, Lewis,
The reality at this stage is that if you leave your salary in your account after pay day, you will end up donating it to the gambling industry.
The reality at any stage is that you can't quietly win back the losses without being found out. Many have tried it, my husband tried for over six years to win back the children's savings (never mind the other loss of family money) ...but no one has succeeded. You can't win because you can't stop, because the gambling involves lies and deceit, isolation, debt and pretty much everything else that led you to post in the first place.
ODAAT has already made the point about support from your nearest and dearest. No one in long term recovery has done it without their friends and family knowing. Gambling thrives on secrecy, once it's out in the open you're a bit more accountable. Pride has its place but in the context of addiction, it's leading to the same corrosive deceit.
And with telling -hopefully- comes support. My husband handed over financial control, the money part of his triangle is broken. Although it doesn't get rid of the urges, he's not able to immediately act on them.
Get help from GamCare and GA, put up effective barriers. Tell your family. Otherwise every update won't be nice. Your call.
CW
Hi Lewis,
I have moved your thread into the "recovery diaries" section of this Forum. It's a great place to keep updating your progress and you can use your thread to monitor how it's going and to interact with other users. You've had much response and support here and I am glad that you find this Forum helpful.
Kind wishes
Gabriele
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