My story and journey forward 190416

Thanks Tommy for details of the link to the Alexis Conran documentary. Fascinating and informative.

Well done to your 200 days+ GF and continuation recovery. You have a strong determination and understanding which is an inspiration to many of us.

Had a tough week this week - had to deal with some s**t news. But deal with it I must. No running away to a machine or online slot these days!

On another note, Went on my usual annual Xmas shopping day out yesterday through to big city (To get Mrs presents). In the past it would have involved gambling. (Old mindset 'Let's see if I can win cash to pay for these gifts?') I walked past so many bookies yesterday, many of which I could recall being in at a certain time over the years - 90% of them I never walked out with more money than I had going in. In fact I recalled many times frantically bouncing back and forth to cash machines to suck cash out of several cards (including credit cards on some occasions) until I ran out of funds to access or had to leave to get train - desperate times.

Anyway, yesterday was different. Yes, the shops were busy - it was a bit manic. But I knew what I was going for roughly and had a plan. I also didn't have cash on me (always an old trigger of mine - £100 in wallet let's see if I can double/treble it etc). I managed to buy some lovely things for the wife and even took some time out to go for lunch (on my own - sad I know ha ha). I'd have never done that before. I would have wasted too much time in bookies, then been rushing to try and grab a few gifts ("might just leave that till another day"), no food, head blurry, wasted trip having squandered hundreds that I could have spent on presents for Mrs - which is why I was there in first place!

Looking forward to a gamble free Christmas. Also the first Christmas in years where I wont accrue lots of extra debt because I've blown what savings I should have put aside. This year I have put money aside for Xmas including a trip away between Xmas and New Year which is already paid for.

Sorry if it sounds like I'm gloating. I'm just feeling the benefits of not gambling - something some wise people told me I needed to feel in the early stages of recovery. I'll hit 250 days gamble free on Christmas Eve which is nice.

I'm going through some challenges personally at the moment but I feel so much better to not be worrying about gambling on top of it. Of course I still acknowledge it and give the respect to my recovery needed. I can see now that gambling only made things worse not better - it was an 'escape' for a few hours but the effect that escape caused was always negative in the end.

Onwards and upwards.

Hello tommy

Merry Christmas my friend always try pop in here there and havnt in a while! Just looking at your diary i hope everything is ok dealing with a few things! Remember to ramble not gamble!!

It sounds like your shopping trip was excellent and you are at the same stage for me! Funnt yiu say about doubling your money haha! What you are doing isnt gloating! Your a proud example to many and you should be shouting from the roof tops! One can guess of difficulties u are going through at Christmas! I hope you and the mrs are well! Take dude

A new year, a fresh start. Personally, glad to see the back of 2016!

2017 will be a better year for me, my wife and our families. 2016 was an awful year but I have come out of it a stronger person, have become closer to family and friends and gamble free now for 260 days. I know that my one year mark isn't too far away but for now I'll just take things day-by-day.

I actually had a really nice time over Xmas/New Year. Spent Xmas day with families and then headed off to nice hotel for a getaway trip came back on the 1st. Since back been having a bit of a clearout which is a tradition for us before starting back to work tomorrow feeling organised.

Didn't really think about gambling much over the break - except when we visited a seaside spot whilst driving down the coast. Made me think to my childhood and where it all began...The amusement lights, music, coins dropping etc. I think that is where it began for alot of us on here. Safe to say I didn't go in any of those places this time!

I guess there will be alot of new members this week with new year resolutions wanting to quit gambling. If you have tried to quit before (like me several times) unsuccessfully, just ask yourself 'what am I prepared to do differently this time?'

For me it was gamcare counselling. And it has helped me tremendously. If you truly want to quit, to dig deep into your relationship with gambling and learn alot about what is making you behave the way you are then go for it! Get yourself on the waiting list (you can also do these sessions on webcam which I did). For now, self-exclude, get K9 blocker on your devices and just don't gamble for today. And then tomorrow and day after...

Good luck and best wishes to all on new and cointinuing recovery journeys in 2017.

January has been hectic! Sure it is meant to be a quiet time of year but can't remember a time where I was less busy!

Thinking less and less about gambling these days. But always aware of complacency. Although not as active as I have been on here I am 100% committed to checking in and I still pop onto the site daily for a quick dose of medicine, and the odd chatroom session when I can.

Just a couple of weeks away from 300 days gamble free and then wont be long after that until I hit the year mark. Wouldn't have ever thought that was possible until I started gamcare counselling - it truly has changed my life and I urge any new members to get on the waiting list. Do it now! Don't wait or listen to the gambling voice telling you it's OK I dont need that etc etc. It can even be done via webcam - that's how it did my sessions - still a great experience and so convenient.

If you genuinely want to change your habits and change your life you need help and that's what gamcare is great for. We've all tried to give up on our own and we know how that turned out - we still ended up here worse off than before.

Have a good weekend all!

Thanks for the post Tommy....it's very much appreciated.

Not to long till you get there yourself.

All the best

Damo

Just logged on and noticed my gamble free day counter had hit 300. Nice suprise - kinda lost track of it a little which in a way is a positive as I'm focussing less on the days and with each day/week/month that passes I'm more and more convinced I wont gamble ever again.

Nice end to a good weekend. My life has changed alot in those 300 days.

Still visit the forum daily but haven't been posting as much. Been joining the chatroom sessions a bit more - that's the beauty of being part of gamcare for recovery - you can mix it up to what suits you best at certain times. Forum, chatroom, netline - the main thing for me is keeping that discipline of checking in and keeping the complacency at bay.

What lovely updates, you are so right, the power to change is in us all & way to go on your 1st 300 days 🙂

I see a different person now, smiling back @ me from the pages of your diary!

Keep choosing life - ODAAT

300 days - massive congratulations! Long may it continue so you can continue reaping the benefits x

Well done tommy....300 days is a great acheivement.

All the best.
Damo

Thanks Kelly, you were one of the first to offer me such kind words of support when I arrived here - heartbroken and at my lowest point.

I'll never forget that. Thank you for your continued support 🙂

Day 312 gf. Been struggling a bit this week fighting some urges. Some things getting to me - my dad mainly. Know it's also because I've been staying up later on my own - this was the time I used to gamble in secret and on a few occasions was the time I lost the majority of the debt I now have gambling recklessly into the early hours of the morning.

Last night I decided to work on some of my freelance stuff instead. With wife up in bed ill at 10pm I ended up getting into the zone and working on computer until 1am. Got quite abit done so can relax a bit more over the weekend. Won't lie my mind did wander to some thoughts of gambling but think its just because thats the way I have thought for so long.

I took me back to times when I would think just a cheeky wee go on the slots before bed. Lose a fair whack then try to go to bed when wife wanted to go to sleep. Wait until she was asleep then sneak back downstairs to see if I could win back losses - sometimes I did, most of the time I didn't and on a few occasions it was this pattern that lead me to some huge losses - which I will be paying back for quite some time.

Us compulsive gamblers are creatures of habit - we get into a routine and it obviously takes along time to break that routine. Even when we do the memories and emotions are still there of our old way of thinking. Good thing now is I recognise the triggers and can understand why I'm feeling a certain way.

I know the urges have been down to a change in routine this week - next week no staying up late alone. With the mrs feeling better I'll be back in with her no online access late in the day and no wandering thoughts of how I used to behave.

Got a nice weekend planned.

Onwards and upwards!

Had a better past few weeks since last post. Feeling alot better after a few months of back pain, knee injury, man flu etc.

Just been away for long weekend with Mrs, group of friends and their kids - had alot of fun. Was same trip I went on this time last year when in my gambling haze. Mind much clearer, not grudging money spent, actually present in the good moments creating memories with people that matter! Not with a FOBT or online gambling site.

Out tomorrow night with mates to watch the darts, something I also done this same time last year. Before I met up with my mate I went early, told myself I'd have a few pints before he finished work - ended up blowing £500 on slots in bookies in a frantic couple of hours. Can't say I really enjoyed that evening. Plastered a fake smile on kicking myself inside thinking how I could win that money back the next day online by upping stakes etc. Utter madness when I look back! Instead of spending less than £10 on a few beers waiting on my pal I made that critical mistake, let's try £20 see if I can get up for the night. Chase, chase, chase always leads to a disaster for us compulsive gamblers.

Tomorrow will be different. I wont gamble, I will be in the moment and enjoy a night out with friends. But I will have my guard up, no complacency.

Night all. Onwards and upwards.

Hi Tommy,

Thank you for popping over to my diary and the kind words you posted.

That weekend trip you mention above. I bet it tasted a lot sweeter this year without the gambling haze.

Wow wow wow. 325 days on the counter. I know we all treat it one day at a time however the big year anniversary is coming into sight and that will be perhaps just another day but a nice one as well.

If someone had told me i could have gone a day without a fobt visit i would have carted them off to the funny farm!!!!

Wishing you all the best.

Bal

No problem Bal. And yes it was a great weekend, much sweeter without the gambling haze!

Day 333 and it has been a great week! Had some really great news on a few fronts. Starting to realise now that removing the negativity of gambling in my life is producing positive outcomes in other areas. Not that it has been easy but It can't be a coincidence. Focussing time/effort/money on others and not wanting anything in return can be much more satisfying that chasing 15 free spins on a slot!

Cheltenham has been everywhere this week no escaping it but I have managed to stay clear of any temptation and know deep down that even though racing wasn't my main vice, a few bets this week would ultimately lead me online or to a FOBT and there's no knowing where that would end up. By not gambling I am in control of the future and that is for me so powerful.

I'm off to Leeds tomorrow for a stag do - sure it will be messy but I'm looking forward to it. Guard will still be up - not that the lads i'm going with are into gambling as such - but the gaurd will be up nonetheless.

Onwards and upwards.