Need a place to let off steam to stay on track

Hi 4evahopeful, welcome to the Forum and well done for starting a recovery diary; a very postive step my friend.

I gambled for twenty years before stopping five years ago; you are completely right about stopping before you obtain more regret than you can handle; you sound like a good person and I am sure you are a good Mother, but you are not maintaining it at a level you are comfortable with, and gambling clearly plays a significant part in that.

You will have your bad days, and your mental health issues will unfortunately increase the burden at times, but this would still be the same if they banned gambling, worldwide, tomorrow - ask yourself how you would feel if this was the case; you would have no choice but to get through the day and that should be your mantra going forward my friend - just get through the day, as best you can and if it is a bad one, then "ride the storm", because tomorrow is almost always a better day.

You are absolutely right when you say gambling is linked to emotions - I joined this Forum seven years ago; everyone has different backgrounds but the one overriding fact that almost everyone seems to have in common is that they are emotionally vulnerable - this is why others can walk away and we can't - if you win, you experience such a high level of euphoria that you are desperate to repeat it within hours, maybe even minutes. If you lose, then you face soul-wrenching heartache and desperation to regain what you have lost, which invariably leads to losing and then spending money you don't have. Other people don't act and react in the same way - gambling will always be a lose-lose scenario my friend - accept it, live with it and move on with your life.

If the urges are at their strongest, then remember that they are only temporary, they soon pass and they will lessen greatly in time. Remember that nothing is worth the lows that you experienced, and nothing will be worse than posting again with more years of despair and regret.

You are worth more than that my friend but you have to be proactive; try and get some quality time to yourself where you are doing something that gives you genuine fulfilment and happiness - even if it takes you away from your children for a few hours; they would rather have one hours quality time with you than three hours where your mind and spirit, as you say, is elsewhere.

Be strong, be positive my friend - push yourself and you will come through this; don't bury your head in the sand - stay on this positive path and work on your diary; there are some good people here who can offer sound, non-judgemental advice and support. God bless you too my friend - you can do this, you really can.

JamesP

Well welcome and looks like ya took some good steps already with banning from them sites. Guess I never did any of the online gambling and couldn't tell ya much about them filters. Thinking any is better than none. I've always been a casino J****E myself and yeah banned from the ones here. They never really enforce it for the most part and hate to turn away their bread and butter. LOL though they have picked me up on their radar recently when using my bank card at their atm. Wasn't for a good 4 hours later i wanna say till they approached me. Yeah haven't been back since and hoping it stays that way. Guess with with the online gambling It's gotta make it harder to quit since you can do it in your home. They really should come out with some sort of mouse trap type thing that snaps them fingers should ya wander on to them sites. LOL wishing ya the best and fights on.

Thank you both very much for your words of encouragement and for the warm welcome.

I must say I was a little anxious posting in the forum as it is all very new to me. I have read so many of the posts on here and it truly is incredible how many people I can relate to......! Until today, I felt like I was the only person in the world with this humiliating addiction and have been hiding with shame at the person I had become. I got lost in all of the what ifs? and the unrealistic ideas of wealth and happiness, yet all the time I was the richest person in the world with happiness that money could not begin to buy....... I just had to open my eyes and heart to see it. I guess I need to keep these thoughts close by to help with the journey ahead.

Its funny how when away from the sites and temptation the rational intelligent person pops out to say 'hey you can do this' yet as soon as the adverts pop up on television or on the internet a very different person exposes themselves. Media plays a frustrating part, you can't watch the television for more than half an hour without seeing an advert for this bingo site or that bingo site, they even sponser tv shows. Its a crazy world!!

I really appreciate the time that you have taken to respond to my first post. Sorry for the ranting hehe!

Keep up the fantastic work you have both done, really has inspired me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you want it enough. Positivity is paramount 🙂

God bless. x

Oh believe you me you ain't the only one with the gambling problem. Hell when I be sitting in them casino's a pretty good guess would be half the people there have the same issue going on, they just don't know it yet. LOL guess ya just don't realize it till It's to late and the funds run out and your swimming in debt. Yup that when the party is over and It's not so fun any more.

Hey 4eva

Firstly, welcome to the site that no one ever really wanted to become part of........but congratulations on arriving here........today is the first day of the rest of your life!!

I used to post a lot on new members diaries offering encouragement and support, but this has reduced over the last few months as I find myself absorbed more in other things - productive things that allow me to look at myself in the mirror in the mornings and actually feel elements of self pride and worth - this will come for you too!!

The reason I popped on to say hi was firstly your really positive username - I'm a great believer in there being an importance in the moniker you give yourself and the reflection that has on your attitude to life. However, having read your first post it really compelled me to drop you a note - I'm really impressed with the foundations you have laid in the 'action' phase of stopping. If you create the right barriers of prevention, then you create the necessary time to really think about whether you truly want to gamble and that removes an element of the compulsive nature of it. Of course, if you really wanted to, I'm sure you could find a way.......but you'd have to find a way, rather than there being an easy path to take.

I guess all I'd say is that it's not easy, but it's possible if you really really want it - you have all the reasons to strengthen your resolve further going by your opening message. re mental health issues, I have been diagnosed with having mental health issues and havin lived with these most of my adult life, I am proof that gambling addiction can be controlled despite the additional struggles. I am approaching 6 months free now as life is good, I have spent infinitely more time with my daughter and the debt is coming down at satisfying rates.

There's some great advice and amazing people on this site who will bend over backwards to support and encourage you through this - in JamesP, you have already got one of them on your side!! He was spotlighted in a Challenge 2014 thread I started a while back over on the Overcoming Problem Gambling section of the site - maybe have a look, there's some brilliant people just like us on it.

All the very best on your journey and congrats on the first day of an amazing journey.

Mr Brightside

Thank you very much for your entry Mr Brightside. I am overwhelmed by the welcome and the support of others already. Well done on your achievement so far 🙂 fantastic!! I have requested to join your challenge and I have spent hours reading all of the threads up to date. You really are a remarkable and inspiring group of people and I would love to be a part of your team.

Today is day 2 for me and despite it being early days I feel like a cloud has been lifted. For the first time in as long as I can remember I feel like I can allow myself to look forward to things. I have always been frightened of letting people into my life or getting close to people as I have always felt worthless and non deserving of genuine love. Even my children I have always tried to keep at arms length due to not believing I deserve them or indeed that I am good enough for them. I guess with the gambling it was a means to escape and live in my bubble away from anyone with the potential to hurt me......... sounds crazy really because all I have done is hurt the people that I love.

I had a missed call last night from the Breakeven counselling service which I have tried to call back today, I left a message for them to ring me back. Fingers crossed I can get some counselling started........ maybe then I can begin to work out what goes on in my head. I have had counselling before for numerous things and have felt that it helps to talk things through with someone who is not emotionally connected in anyway. I have never had any for gambling before..... always been too ashamed of myself for it and never wanted anyone to know about my secret life.

It really helps to write things down and to off load almost as much as it does reading encounters both good and bad of others on the road to recovery. I am feeling so blessed right now for finding this place and for being able to be myself without upsetting anyone and without being judged. For the first time is a long time I can be HAYLEY! That feels good shouting that. Yes, I am Hayley and this is my diary on my road to recovery.

My plans for today (Day 2) are to prepare for my exams tomorrow and to complete some assignments that are due in soon. I will then go for a long walk to blow away the cobwebs and take time to reflect on all of the positives in my life, all of the things I have to be thankful for. The main one being that I have opened my eyes before any real long term damage has been done. I still have a wonderful family, a steady and fulfilling job, a roof over my head, food in the cupboards and love in my heart. It could of been a totally different story and I'm extremely thankful that it is not.

God bless each and every one of us!

P.S......... To my 2 fabulous children (aged 10 and 13) This is my promise to you that I will spend more quality time with you and I will try much harder to let you in more. I love you both with all of my heart and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Always know that you mean the world to me and you always will. xxxxxx

Hi Hayley well done you just dropped by to say hello like you I played slots online and have two boys aged 13 and 15 . Gambled online for three years and reading your post was very similar to mine. I am 109 days gamble free keep mr will power with you at all times I have excluded from all sites with k9 blocker sister set up and has password and lives in another country. Also I cancelled all my cards and only go to bank for cash with ID it was the only way I could stop. Think of the triangle time money and location. Waffled enough stay strong hitthefanx

Hi Hitthefan Thank you for your post 🙂 Well done on your 109 days, that is fantastic. I really appreciate you sharing the preventative measures you have taken to help you.

............I tried the K9 blocker in the past and have always managed to get the password from whoever has had it so this for me is no longer an option that works. It really is shocking the depths people sink to in order to get their next fix.

How have your boys been affected? The sad thing with my 2 is I've done the same thing for so long they no longer tend to notice, they have just grown up to do their own thing. I pray that they do not follow in my footsteps and that the addictive personality skips them by. I stopped smoking over a year ago so that I could set a better example to them and hopefully prevent them from making the same mistakes. I will continue on this journey for them as well as myself and conquer the gambling like I did the smoking. Thanks again for your post. Hope to talk to you again sometime 🙂

Quick additional diary entry for today....... The two goals I set myself for today I stuck to and achieved. I completed the work I needed to in preparation for my exams tomorrow. 🙂 Secondly, I have been out for 3 hours this evening jogging and walking and I feel so good for it. So for now I am proud of myself and i'm mega happy that my motivation is returning. One step at a time....!

There is life after gambling and I am looking forward to the future it will bring.

Good night all. God Bless!! xx

Evening 4eva!!

What an amazing couple of days for you - your energy for this is fantastic!! The most significant thing you'll every write in my humble opinion is your "PS" a couple of posts ago........this is the few lines that you need to read and read and read any time temptation comes your way.......it is your purpose.......the reason.....the hook to stop you!!

I'm about to go and update the Challenge Thread - would be delighted for you to join us.......when I get back from Hols (and I'll be watching your progress whole away!!) I'm going to test the demographics of the group and compare these to the success rates of each. For some reason and completely unscientific, I've got a strong sense that females are outperforming men by a long way on the retention and success rates for recovery......but need to test that!! I reckon you'll fall into the "best chance" category........but that's all down to you and your resolve, willpower, commitment......and of course, your promise to the kids!!

Keep going, keep talking, keep using this site as an outlet - I'm pretty sure in 98 days time we' be celebrating 100 days with you!!

Mr B

Thanks Mr B 🙂 You have this amazing way of helping me to believe in myself and putting a smile on my face and for that I am extremely grateful. Have a fantastic holiday. I am positive that the soldiers within the challenge will do you proud whilst you are away and I am determined to celebrate my 100th day with you all in 96 days 🙂 watch this space. speak soon. x

Well what a whirlwind couple of days, not even had the chance to come on and read any posts let alone fill out my diary..... until now!

I have been mega busy with work and exams and preparing for my beautiful daughter's 11th birthday next Weds. I am taking the kids away on Monday to the seaside for few days to spend some quality time with them........ really looking forward to the change of scenery and the fresh air and of course the giggles we are going to have together. The kids are sooooooo excited which is fabulous to see. It is about time I took a break from work and put us first, I work very hard and it can be quite stressful a lot of the time. (Another reason for my previous hiding away online gambling) No more though, the real world may be challenging and difficult at times but I want to try living in it properly for once. Day 4 has now come to an end and so far I have remained strong and positive. Really looking forward to it continuing.......

Going to leave it there for now as my eyes are heavy..... going to listen to my body and head off to bed for a well deserved early night. Be back tomorrow.

Good night and god bless everyone. xx

You should believe in yourself Mrs - even from a sunbed in Greece I will hunt you down if you don't start believing!!

Always look forward 4eva - never back. The seaside, birthdays, smiles, affordability, satisfied heads in pillows, stress free, liberated, future, fun.......happiness.......4evahopeful!! It's all in the name.......and those words are all yours.....just by saying "today, I will not gamble".......and following through on it!!

DO NOT forget to repost on the challenge or I will hunt you down!!

Enjoy life Mrs......it's all yours now.

Mr A-bit-on-the-Burntside (ouch!!)

I'm Back!! Wow what a long hard week......... I was stranded without any internet access for the whole time that I was away with the kids....... Felt strange not being able to off load and have somewhere to channel my thoughts etc (even though I have not been here doing it for long) ..........This diary is my sanctuary, my place to run to instead of gambling. The place I want to log onto rather than a online gambling site. Its feels so good to be back 🙂

The week has been challenging in a lot of ways but also wonderful in many other ways. The laughter and fun time shared with the kids whilst away at the seaside 🙂 .....the volleyball we played on the beach, the bowling on my daughter's birthday, the freak rain and storms that soaked us through whilst walking the promenade, the board games played in the caravan, the swimming and many more......... oh the fun and the laughter we shared. They are such a credit to me and I feel sad that have kept them at arms length for so long. This week has certainly been an eye opener to the life that I can enjoy regularly if I stay clean and on the right track. I am a long way from cured and I am in for the long haul at fighting this addiction. I just need to count my blessings and stay focused and positive, I know that. 'I cannot win because I cannot stop' how true these words are and I find myself saying these to myself often.

I am toying with opening up to my loved ones regarding my thoughts of gambling and the urges I experience especially at times of emotional distress. I'm just not sure as to whether they would understand or just add to the stress of fighting to stay stopped. ?? Can I continue to go it alone? alone in the sense of people close to me that live in my world (not alone disregarding the wonderful people on here) I am blessed to have discovered this site and all of you on it that have already touched my heart and hopefully many more of you to follow 🙂

I am going to stop there as I have lots to be getting on with. (The joys of holiday washing lol) Take care all. Back soon. xxx

God Bless. xxx

I am back 🙁 had a whirlwind and hard 6 months away and now I have to start all over again. I am going to try my best to regain the control that I lost.

My dad was diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour and given approx 17months to live even after having it operated on and removed as in all cases they return regardless of the radiotherapy and chemotherapy 🙁 This has hit our family hard and im ashamed to say it but I turned back to gambling to try to escape from the hurt and pain of what is happening in the real world......! I have realised that the path to self distruct is not the way forward so I have flipped it the other way and decided that I am going to beat this addiction and make myself and my family proud instead of adding to the pain and battles we already have ahead.

I will take one day at a time and stop wasting a life that is already so precious..... x

Today is a hard day.....!

Im trying to be responsible and tackle the debt issue and organise my finances. What have I done over the last few months?? Oh my! It is looking like I may have to take the bankruptcy route in order to start a fresh and give myself and my children a fighting chance of surviving. I am soooooooo ashamed that it has come to this, however I have to be proud that I am taking important positive steps to change things and turn them around.

I guess it is never too late for change. Well I must get back on with the task in hand and make a list of all of my creditors.... 🙁 gambling is such a poison and I will not let it take anything else from us. I will be strong and take one day at a time.......x

Bye for now. x