Need serious help! My life is ruined

Hi Rach,

I fully support the points Loxxie has made above. Make some calls. Help might be closer than you think.

Best wishes

Morning rach. ..
Do you make some calls yesterday.......hope so x

Hope your ok love x

Hi Rach just read your story there.

Have to agree with what has already been said. You need to be proactive not reactive. Loxxie and others have given you some great advice in terms of seeking help right now which will only help your case.

As for worrying about other people especially those who don't even know you - 'Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind'. It sounds like it will hit the local papers and yes people will be talking about it. Those that don't know you very well may call you the gambler and the thief, you can't control what they say. Everyone knows someone with an addiction or problem so there's no shame in it. By stepping up and doing something about it is quite the opposite of shame, it takes tremendous amounts of courage to admit an addiction and take action.

Don't just sit and worry about what might happen, do what has been suggested and it can only help!

All the best

Delete Facebook, it's venomous. If you don’t have it you can't read the unpleasant stuff. People only post things to boost their own self esteem at the expense of others. It's all false.

"What the eyes don't see the heart doesn't grieve about".

Hi all,

I have had a date for consellinh next month so will attend that. Gamcare can't offer me their counselling if I am already seeing someone through the NHS so will see how that pans out first.

I'm more worried about what the rest of my family will think and how they will get dragged into it, I have younger siblings and I don't want them to think badly of me or get abusive from it. I have really messed up but all this stress is really concerning me as I am pregnant and shouldn't be this upset. It's not healthy for my little one either! I don't think I can ever move on from this, I will always feel guilt and shame nothing will change that. I need to get it over with but I also dread what's to come. Everything is going to change once this comes out, I'll never be able to face anyone!

Hello Rach87,

We've moved your thread to the 'Recovery diaries' section, as it had outgrown the 'New members introductions' section with over 140 posts now. It is good that you're using the thread on a regular basis to get some peer support here on the forum. It is also good that you have arranged professional help locally.

If you like, you can also call our freephone 0808 8020 133 or netline if you'd like a 1-2-1 chat with an adviser.

Take care,

Forum admin.

-

The fact is I could still go to prison! How can I be taken away from my child? I can't cope with this feeling it's tearing me apart. I will never forgive myself for what I have done I know I have to face up to what's to come and serve the punishment but it doesn't seem real. I will see the counsillor as much as I can but no one can help me as it's done now. No one will see it as a problem they will look at me in disgust and not want to be associated with me anymore. My partners family won't believe it they won't want him with me that's for sure. I just can't let my family be punished for this too. People will talk and make them feel awful over what I have done! I regret not getting help sooner and stopping this before I stole and ruined my life! I don't know who I am anymore

-

I want to be strong but I don't know how. Some days I feel ok then I think I shouldn't be happy after what I've done! I feel like I'm grieving. I don't know why I still want to gamble it just makes me forget everything, well, until I lose again and I'm even more down and reality hits! I just want to go back to the person I was.

I know I shouldn't but I've been reading news stories on Similar cases and they all went to jail! The thought of this breaks me. I can't part from my child or give birth in a cell! I don't deal with guilt very well at the best of times but this is beyond managing.

How are you coping so well? Do you have a court date? Are you any the wiser on what will happen? It's so scary 🙁

-

Aw I'm sorry to hear that. Are you getting help for all the issues you have in your life? Gambling obviously was only one part of it and i know I for one used it as an escape from certain things. I didnt realise so much at the time but now when I'm alone and my partner goes out or we row (which is a lot lately) I feel the urge to do it! So stupid as I know what I've lost and caused. My company were supportive at first, they have stopped contact now but they have their money back from the insurance that's the reason for the whole court case so I know they will be ok financially. It's more extended family and partners friends and family I am worried about as they will gossip and not really want me around I guess.

I think I would have turned to drink a lot if I hadn't fallen pregnant. I don't really get much joy out of life these days (apart from seeing my sons beautiful face everyday) and it's starting to get worse. I have distanced myself from loads of people since this happened and I think it's to protect them.

Do you have good support around you in terms of family much now?

You seem so positive even with the case looming, I wish I could be more like you. You are one very strong person and I am so pleased to hear how your dealing with everything x

Hi Rach, your not a bad person, it was the addiction that turned you into the person that stole the money. There are people who have done far worse, your beating yourself up over and over again and it's not good for you or your children, please try and stay calm. if it does make the news it will soon be forgotten as something else will come along. I hope the counselling goes well in the meantime try and look after yourself and stay strong x

-