Need serious help! My life is ruined

It's good that you are keeping yourself busy, it's hard as you know what to do to distract yourself but before I used to make excuses not to go out so I could gamble. It became my life even when I was in work. So sad. You'd think I wouldn't have time now with a baby but I do, my boy is so good and it's so easy to go on your phone. I won't do it again though. I have to put an end to this and stop using it as an escape when this is what caused all my problems in the first place.

It's nice of you to check in on me, even when you have the same issues going on as me. you have been a real help in these dark times along with so many others on here. I just hope the rest of the people in my life are as understanding and supportive but I guess those who aren't are not worth my time.

Didn't get hardly any sleep last night and when I did I had nightmares about work and the court. One day this will get easier!

Hi rach....did you make those calls love....you really need to be getting some facts on paper for the court....showing that your fighting with your addiction....
You will get your time in court love to have a say. ...but things in writing ....that the judge can look at....show your making an effort...come on rach. ....you owe it to your babies....you can do this....we're all rooting for you love x

Hi loxxie,

I have sorted counselling it starts next month and the solicitor is going to call me back hopefully today so I will discuss with him what i should do. I'm sure the fact that my work haven't been pushing any nasty sentencing on me will also help my case. Not sure what else I can do right now x

Your ex employer will have nothing to do with sentencing love...that's the judge's job...
Have you been to magistrate's court yet....if not they'll decide whether they can deal with it....or if they think it should go to crown court....have you spoke to midwife...health visitor...a family centre.. these are all people who can support you now...and will write to the judge on your behalf...
Pleaseeee ring them all today and tell them you need an urgent appointment.....the more support and help the judge can see your seeking to fight your addiction....the better....I'm sorry if I'm going on....but I know when it was my daughter we done everything we could to help....don't sit back and wait....xxx

Hi Rach

Wise words from Loxxie and allain. Please access as much outside support and help as you can.

Have you been to GA yet? There will almost certainly be at least one or two who have been in your situation or know someone who has and may be able to guide you a bit more.

Please try not to worry about what people will say. You can't control it but you can control your reaction to it (head high and ignoring them totally if necessary) Your partner's family don't get to decide what he does. It's his decision alone and he may need to be strong in standing up to them should they try and persuade him otherwise.

I also agree with allain re. the return to gambling despite where it's led you. Escaping into it just isn't an option ever either now or in the future. Get cast iron blocks into place alongside your counselling.

Hiya Rachel, I follow your posts too. Come on hon, get rid of Internet access on your phone...just use it to phone your midwife and health visitor TODAY....then you can come back and post that you have done it. Think how good it will make you feel.

Sorry I've been out with my son all day visiting family. I won't gamble again I won't allow it, I can't drink now so that will help stop temptation. I am seeing both the health visitor and midwife soon but don't think they will help as they will only be concerned about my son and me not coping as a mother. I don't want that kind of attention they already are quick to judge and I wouldn't feel comfortable telling them. I hate all this lying from everyone it's so hard and I know people can see a difference in me and don't like to ask what's wrong. I just want this nightmare to end. Last night I read so many stories of people like me who got a prison sentence and it's upset me all day

Hope you managed to enjoy some time out with your little man..
Right..health visitors are as responsable to mums as they are the child.....your pregnant...so your welfare is also part of the midwives duty of care.....
You say you don't want to tell them as they will judge you...
Proffesionally they won't ....and trust me....they will have dealt with numerous very difficult situations during there career...trust me I know...don't let your pride jeopardise your future with your children....you have nothing to loose by opening up to professionals who maybe able to fight your corner .....keeping you with your children.....I'm sorry if it seems like I'm having a go at you...I'm not...I just can't stand the thought of you not seeking help that's there... ..take care x

Hello Rachel.

The beauty of gamcare is really coming to the fore in this thread.

I've followed your thread but never really known what to say. But im thinking just by the responses you've had, it's proof in the pudding that despite this being a truly insiduos ugly addiction, that underneath the a diction doesn't define addicts as bad people. Your a good un, believe !

I get your worry in what others will think, I get your worries in the b.s of social media having a little field day. Unfortunately this is life, but as somebody has said already, it will pass. It's a common smoke screen in picking faults in others, when ones own life is S****e. Easier said than done but take it as a pinch of salt. You'll learn of the people who really matter.

What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger. Despite what you think right now, your accepting that, you've acted out of character and messed up. We're human, this is a spiritual illness. Society and courts are getting this, im not being blazei (sp), you will be punished but prison isn't going to come into this equation.

Not knowing the outcome is no doubt raising the stress levels to the hilt. But you can concentrate on what's in your control and thats being kind and forgiving to your self.

Adversity can be a hidden gift. It makes us grow.

Take care of you and yours

Hi Loxxie, I know you're trying to help me and I really appreciate it. It's so nice to have people supporting me that I've never even met! The reason you can all help is because you understand what this illness does to us but those who have never been through it will never get it. I will talk to my health visitor as she is really nice but she is a bit over the top and will tell me to see a gp which I will be soon anyway. I'll get as much help as I can and will beat this!

Hi Volcano 🙂

Thank you for posting here, it's mad to think so many people are actually reading and following my thread, I'm quite shocked. I think I'm one of the minority who have taken gambling to the extent I have (by criminal activity) which is bizzare as I've never even had a speeding ticket! I went from 0 to 100 in the space of a 18 months! I think there must be underlying issues somewhere.

I am starting to think more realistically about when it comes out and who will be there and who won't. I will avoid people and situations for a while but then I will be old news and they will have someone else to gossip about!

I don't know about your situation but I hope things are ok with you?

As a gambaler I always used to care what people thought of me.
It's what kept me hidden in plain sight for so long.

As a non gambaler I don't actually care what people think of me..
It's actually quite empowering to look people in the eye and tell them who I am. Or who I was

They won't be talking about who you are. They'll be talking about who you was.

I know I've said this already and many people have to..
If you want to stay out of prison you really need to start getting yourself together.
You need to show the courts your
In some sought of recovery programme. Its not your employers pulling the strings it's the insurance company.

Get some help

There you go Rachel, another proof in the pudding that your a nice pudding in asking if I'm ok ! Answer - yes.

You probably don't realise there's many more following this thread and willing you on but with out the words to make things better for you.

You probably don't also realise that your honesty is helping others, myself included in aiding our own personal recoveries.

Rachel, first and foremost is looking after you and this will filter down to your little fella and your other impending bundle of joy.

Give your self a break. Keep making the positive actions your doing admirably.

Thank you again. Today has been another bad day. I think I'm struggling because my whole life has changed on top of this. I was used to being in work with my friends focusing my mind and now I'm in most days looking after my son (whilst pregnant) and have so much time to think about what I have done and what the future will hold. I'm not a strong person emotionally as it is. My life just seems pointless except for my child. I feel I'm pushing my partner Away because I don't like how he's acting and I need more support than he gives. I wanted a normal family life and that hasn't happened. I feel if I had money now I could gamble and its so ridiculous! Who have I become??

Rachel,

Your bad days are going to out weigh the good. I hate to say that, but unfortunately it's a fact.

They say cats have 9 lives, I believe us humans have 27+!! Your life isn't over! I'm not being flippant here because there's no way can I understand the pressure your going through buy maybe something had to break for you to start being the person you know you are deep in side.

I've used gamcare on and off for a long time and never really grasped this awful addiction but Deano has made a great point. Your no doubt an intelligent person, you need to understand this very confusing addiction, with which had made you act out of character. The courts need to see this but just as important you need to do this for you and yours. You have to do it your self, yet you can't do it alone....Seek all the help out there..

YOU have a life, you need to really push yourself like never before. This is a very, very wide threshold your on, but believe, you will cross it.

The answer to your ' who have I become ' is in my humble is gonna be a better person.

Weak people love beating others up. Your not weak, so please try in stop beating yourself up.

Slowly, slowly catchee monkey = rules number 1.